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byrobyn_blais©
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by Anonymous

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by sleepless9904/19/04

lucky devil

how I'd love to watch something like that.

Great story. Thank you for sharing it with us.

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by Anonymous04/19/04

good debut, but . . .

You need to work on consistency of tense, and maybe make the language a little more natural. The images were strong and clear, but there were some points where you were trying so hard to create the perfect wording that the idea kind of got lost. In a really good story, the work it takes to make it right shouldn't show. But keep at it, you show a lot of promise.

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by notsoshygirl2012/02/09

special

Wow is all I can say to this, I don't usually find these stories very interesting or well written, but yours felt really real and turned me on a little (well more than a little).
I liked the voyeur part, it's one of my fantasies to get watched like that.

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