All Comments on 'My Eyes Vol. 01'

Mind control the whole family then have sexwith them. How unoriginal and convenient that it happens on his 18th birthday. Nope, he doesn't love or respect his family. He doesn't desire the hottest girl in school, nope he's got to betray the people who raised him and loved him.

The only good thing is that it was short.

But the Second Chapter will let us know how far he plans to take this. and does he bring others outside the Family into and Under his influence. it would seem more natural to have People coming and going. as though they were visiting either he or one of the Family members. this way he could Gather more People to do what he needs. Like Money,Housing away from the Family like a Condo.

Not bad for a first story .A little short but ok . Can't wait to see where you take it .Good Luck and keep writing .

I like it so far. Keep writing!

The premise is cliché in the MC category but it's a good start. What you do next will determine how unique your story is.

Careful how you describe things. "Her bright blue eyes stuck out from her blonde hair" I know what you mean, but eyes sticking out of hair is a bit weird.

"I found that my power had reached the point to where, user could almost completely control the subject," "User?" Why didn't he say "I?" Sounds awkward.

While he gives us his parents' names for context, I was surprised he refers to them as Kelly and Marcus instead of mom and dad.

Sasha was in the middle of brushing her teeth so she gave him a blowjob with a mouth full of toothpaste. The mint must have had quite an affect on his cock. ;-)

Watch the run-on sentences. There are many.

You've given the readers a taste and have them wanting more, which is good. Good luck with future chapters.

needs to be in the incest category

I really think this could be a 5 Star tale, but it was a bit short and the sex was over and done with too quickly. For a first effort it is fantastic. I really hope that you continue this and add some detail. There is so much room for his experimentation. I am sure that mom and dad could become enthusiastic supports of his and assist him in future conquests.

No more dada