All Comments on 'Man-up, Pussy!'

It wasn't bad, but it was just sort of meh. The most I could give it was three stars.

Meh. I knew on page one he'd lose Mel to good ole Gene.

The betrayal though. Even if they did the "honorable" Thing...? They still missed a few important steps such as, Mel asking if he ever did plan on marrying her BEFORE she asked to hook up with Gene. And a few other steps besides.

Then again, it seems that this story is taking place in Europe. I am only familiar with American customs. I guess in Europe sex is more relaxed and transgressions of the heart are more accepted.

As for that? I very much enjoyed the story lap top. You actually fixed some writers block I was having and I am going to get back to writing tomorrow.

Thank you.

Sincerely,

Payenbrant

Usually love your stories, but this needed some editing. For example: Snarled- he snarled his fingers in the guys hair? Maybe you need to look up the definition. Same for YOKE'S, it's yolks, lots of other examples of wrong word usage. Missing letters or words missing completely from sentences.

Its was going OK up til the betrayal and him forgiving them both, who turned into the pussy then?

Went from bad to worse.

I enjoyed the story,it was a good and even funny reed,don't mind the grammar brigade man,they are what they are,if i can understand what is written i'm satisfied

About the story itself i didn't really like the way mel and gene brought the news but i guess it was a little obvious that it was about to happen

4 **** for a well written story

It was meh ending, Mel left him for Gene, she can spin it how she wants it but he was the reason for the breakup. Mel was with Chase for a year or more but only now she wants all this other stuff, yeah she can do whatever she wants but in the end it was Gene who was responsible for the breakup and come on they couldn't help it, that guy helps him to get his life in order and this is how he repays him and they want to be friends with him, wath a joke. Even if he didn't want to marry Mel this was betrayel from her and he wimps out and forgives them.

a real friend wouldnt act on his feelings towards his friends girlfriend no matter what so that makes him just a backstabbing litle shit and if it were me i would still have kicked his ass

Chase and Mel had an agreement. She is free to renegotiate the deal but she did not give him the option to 'man up'. Maybe he would have. Maybe he wouldn't have. But she owed him 'first crack' IMO.

Additionally, she specifically hid her growing infatuation. She did not go from 'zero to humping' without a lot of meet and greets...and the story did not indicate how much of this happened or how open she was to how she was spending time with Gene.

That is deceptive.

This has NOTHING to do with the quality of the writing. It was a first rate story in all aspects. It held my interest, the pacing was good.

These quibbles are my opinions differing from those of the characters as portrayed.

If I had a quibble about the writing, it felt a touch 'force wrote' toward the Hollywood ending. By making Chase 'not in love' with Mel, it removed conflict. By giving Chase Rita at the eleventh hour as a consolation prize, we were given a soft landing.

But it worked for Shakespeare so who am I to bitch (FD45, that is who!)

They both betrayed him and at best he should have just ignored them in the future. Not really believable. Well written though. 3*

Because I can't vote 0.

If she had tried to get a commitment out of him it would have seemed like some kind of leveraged blackmail.They both talked to him and didn't cheat first. Women are known for moving on to "greener pastures" it's very common.

I can see why he wasn't real pleased with the situation, getting dumped is never pleasant. They did the honorable thing without cheating on him.

It is wrong and I dont care about excuses that he wasnt ready to marry her. He helped him rebuild a new life and he repays him by cheating on him with his girlfriend.

It's hard to put a label on this story. Sometimes I thought it was going towards Damon Runyon snappy, barroom based vignette with outraged and outrageous characters holding the stage. But that didn't happen. laptopwriter decided to err on side of decency, with happy ending shoehorn in , to slightly incredulous effect.

I liked how Eugene came back from man-pussy status and that the tough guy narrator gets shaken and stirred ...duely punished for his good deed. Lol. It had ' moments ' , that's more then median story found here. I thank the author for sharing.

Good story, and it worked out ok. But it did hurt. Especially because the developed due to his trust in them.

Congratulations on finding a new angle. And to all the babies-- betrayal, my arse. Shit or get off the pot. And he didn't.

I really enjoyed this one with a little different angle but I could see the Gene/Mel relationship coming a mile away...didn't catch me by surprise at all. What kept me reading was seeing how our man would handle it...nice job with that.

Thanks for the story!

"Buckeye Fan"

It was a good story. Kind of obvious and predictable, but all the good guys acted like good guys, including Mel. And Mel definitely did the right thing for her future and her happiness. Chase would have continued porking Mel without commitment, then probably would have met Rita anyway and eventually left Mel for Rita. Men use their heads but think with their cocks. Women use their pussy's but think with their heads. For what its worth, Chase had Mel first, could have kept her if he had wanted to, and he will always have that cheap little edge over Eugene. But Mel definitely ended up with the better man, and she will always be grateful to Chase for being the cause of meeting Gene.

So it was a good rewarding story. I skipped over most of the sex scenes because the plot and the drama were more substantive and entertaining. It was way above the average LW story. Thanks for that.

A couple of nit-picks -

"The check came encased in a little black leather folder" - Ooh, I'm impressed, LOL! I'm sorry, maybe I'm cranky this morning, but that seems to be stated as if we should be REALLY impressed at how classy the restaurant must be that they put the check in a leather folder! And he's impressed that he paid $400 on a $350 tab? A $50 tip isn't even quite 15%! A 20% tip would require $420, and if I wanted to impress someone I would probably put in $450 for a $100 tip!

"he looked passed me" - A common error here; "passed" is the past tense of pass. You look "past" someone.

@payenbrant - I disagree with you, Yeah, MAYBE she could have asked Chase about his "intentions" toward her, but I don't think he could have answered honestly, and it probably wouldn't have been the answer she needed to hear.

Another fantastic story from an author unafraid of pushing the envelope. Thank you, laptop.

Not very will written. Too many mistakes. This writer has a bit of a reputation and the writing was second class. A good editor would help with the mistakes, but I don't know how anyone could make this story interesting.

No matter the ending the writer would choose, I liked it...A good story, above all with a original plot, well written, different kind of characters...Very good...4*

Chase repeatedly said how he liked Mel but just couldn't use the "L" word until Mel and Gene said it. Then, he was too late but actually realised how lucky he was to not taken the next step and gone into a marriage of comfort.

And of course he meets his "truelove" as they ride off into the sundset like old Western Movies of 50s and 60s (and Lit).

An entertaining short story where number of key strokes are a bigger obstacle to work around than plot development or character development.

Thanks for the entertainment

Good story,Its the amount of comment, that you've recieved so far. A good indication of a stories ability to create a picture.I like and agree with the others commment. The drive to NewYork was it, I thought that's going all in for a client, just a starting point is all a guy needs. "May be you should marry her" the Tonys of the world see a lot of what we don't see of our self. So all in all a good addition to your body of work here.

Good until he forgave gene. Sorry that stung too much. Hopefully I can score your next story higher.

Not one to criticise what was otherwise a decent story; but have to ask where the real sex was? Surely the whole 'loving wives' tag would have involved Mel having sex with Gene while you were still a couple, rather than only after you'd finished; not that she was ever your wife to begin with? Again, makes for a confusing theme. Would love to see this rewritten but with Mel & Gene getting it on before you split, and details of it all.... Just one opinion of course. Good job otherwise. (former regular submitter, writer aka 'Masterbate') J.D.

The epilogue was unnecessary; but everything else was fantastic. I am a little surprised at how Mel could go from insatiable with Chase to falling in love with Eugene in the space of a few days. There was no warning, no preamble not even a reluctance to have sex with Chase.

Just *boom* I'm not in love with you, I'm in love with Eugene.

Good story until the forgiveness of gene. He helped get gene out of a bad situation and gene repays him by taking his girlfriend. Even though they said they didn't have sex they still were emotionally cheating.

Well written , and overall a good story . But it just didn't have very much in the way of emotional "distress" for lack of a better term.

Really , he just only seemed to get pissed because of who Mel was with , instead of the fact that she was leaving him. Or that was how it seemed to me.

4*'s

when she started getting all excited whenever "Gene" was around and when she let him rename her on the trip to New York. She even "pet named" him. Fucking or not there was betrayal going on in New York. As for did Chase ever plan to marry and settle down with her, I guess she'll never know because she didn't give him any chance to come to that conclusion. Seemed to me like Mel and Eugene shared a little secret about New York, how much he was making per house and all the little "moments" they shared not cheating. Even setting him up with Bev and the way she seemed to just fixate on him while watching him grow. Man, you sure wrote some powerful yet subtly nuanced characters. A lot of depth to them, something we don't always see on this site. Started out thinking 3 stars but writing this comment caused me to think about the characterizations in this story and so I ended up giving 5 stars, well earned I might add. Thanks for sharing your talent. And I did think that Chase ended up more of a service dog rather than a guard dog.

I hate to admit it, but I actually liked this story. Definitely not the usual LW fare.

One thing that I finally realized after many, many years of not understanding why some girls that I thought that I'd really fallen for, if not being in love with them, didn't fall in love with me, is that you can't help who loves you. If I'd really looked around, I'd have realized that some of the other girls that I'd dated and that I had no further interest in, and who had their friends tell me that they wanted to still go out with me long after I'd stopped calling them, that I was just like the girls that I'd spent unrequited love on. I didn't love them. You can't help who you love or who loves you. Some of the criticism of this story in that regard is just silly macho man crap.

It was a great story!

"Eugene's All That?" "Can't Buy Me Eugene?"

The common plot of those movies (and many others) is: cool kid challenges himself to take an ugly duckling under his wing, and unintended consequences result.

It doesn't matter what this story is called. The fact is that it was executed brilliantly and entertainingly.

These characters are well-developed, likable, and easily-relatable. The story is told with a hint of light-hearted humor, which makes it easily-digestible.

I love putting a new twist on a common theme, and this one was truly a winner. Well done.

Didn't like how it turned out for our guy

I did figure out the details of the plot as soon as they scheduled a double date, but it was quite an enjoyable ride. The characters threaten to stay in my mind for a while!

What took him so long to fiqure out life can be better with a partner to come home to. At least you got this Rita into the ending.

If my friend ever tried to steal my girlfriend away from me they would both be dead. Even if he didn't love her she was still his gf. Eugene would be in a grave loving wives should be renamed to pussy cuckolds.

Just a really well written story - with nuanced insightful characters. Kudos and 5 stars. Thanks.

I don't think Gene really TOOK his girlfriend.

Mel was never really more than a friend with EXCELLENT benefits, and once he came out of his shell she found Gene to be much more compatible with her than Chase ever would be.

And I know a lot of people pooh-poohed it, but their meeting with Chase to talk to him before consummating their relationship was a real "man-up" move.

They also DIDN'T use the lame old "we just fell in love" crap. They admitted, as I have often claimed in comments on stories where that excuse was used, that it was spending time together and sharing those intimate moments that led them into love with each other.

It's nice to see a non BTB non RAAC end well with personal growth for everyone. That is exactly the way a relationship should end like his and Mel's, with the people involved letting each other know their intentions. Breaking up is never easy but he made it very clear from day one that he had only been dating Mel for six months and didn't love her. Not all relationships are about love, and you can't betray so m e one by loving someone else unless theres a commitment like marriage. The right thing to do is walk away before getting seriously involved. In marriage it sometimes happens anyway and you have to decide whether it's worth keeping. That's not here.

Ordinarily I'd dislike a dude butting in like that because the fact is a upset won't change their nature. The fantasy element resolves that. Thoroughly enjoyed.

Predictable bs.

As with most of your stories, it was well-plotted and fun and interesting. Good job!

Eugene the weasel can't find any ladies other than his first wife that treats him like whale shit so, he figures he can just borrow one from his best friend Chase. Mel knows how Chase feels and he is about to make things permanent but, good old Gene now has his money making company (thanks to a suggestion from his best bud die Chase) and now Mel sees her stability (with the weasel). I would like to see a continuation of the story when the doll house market runs it's course and Mel decides that she just can't keep babysitting poor little Gene and makes her way back to her true love "Chase". A one week trip to NY and now Mel falls for the pathetic wimp?

I loved everything but the end. My problem isn't exactly that Mel and Eugene got together, it's that it happened so suddenly. There was some talk about Mel really liking his work, but besides that there is nothing to show they are compatible and love being around each other. For Mel and Chase you showed Chase doing nice things for her like cooking breakfast, laughing at each others jokes, are compatible sexually, cuddle, and are even in a committed relationship. It's not like they are just friends with benefits. Chase mentions that they don't have sex with other people and Mel says "Don't get any big ideas there buckaroo. I'm not giving up anyone who cooks Eggs Benedict like this". That doesn't sound like a casual relationship. If Mel wanted to have a family, why didn't she give Chase an ultimatum? Either Chase realizes he loves her and marries her, or he doesn't and Mel starts dating Eugene. At the very least give some dialogue that would show Mel and Eugene realizing they are compatible. Ending feels very rushed and out of the blue.

Other than that it was a very nice read.

I gave it five. Well written thank you.

Should I give you a five or a two, or something in between? You pulled me in and made me care. For most of it I thought the title referred to Chase manning up and marrying Mel. After being betrayed by a dollhouse making dweeb, Chase should have never forgiven Eugene. That forgiving part makes me want to give a two. I had high hopes Chase might wake up and go after Mel and tell her he wanted her before she and wimpy could consummate their newfound relationship. I'm going to have to think hard on scoring this one. Good story...great story but such a let down. Painful.

None. He needed and deserved a beating. Manning up means loyalty. Period. End. Stop.

But the disgraceful Gene is a bastard and Mel is still a bitch.. they should have never made it to the end of the story.

Painful but really good!

Very well written.

That being said, like several others, I disliked Gene's betrayal of his 'friend'. Falling in love is an act of will. It takes deliberate actions to follow up on and grow what are initially feelings of attraction. You can't help who you are attracted to. You can help whether or not you act on it and both Mel and Gene were cheating starting on the New York trip. Gene's betrayal was especially egregious considering everything Chance had done for him up until that point. It's simply unforgivable. You might give a friend's wife/girlfriend the eye, but you don't pursue them and still have the right to call yourself a friend.

Mel said that Gene was willing to give her those things that Chance wasn't (commitment, marriage, children), but at no point in the story did she ask Chance if he was willing to take things to the next level. She owed him that chance.

Gene giving Chance a piece of his business was based on guilt, pure and simple.

The pussy in this tale was Chase.

The relationship between Gene and Mel is doomed from the get go. Gene left his first marriage due to a cheating, abusive wife. He started his relationship with Mel by cheating, even if it was only emotionally, with her on Chase. He knows, in the depths of his little reptile brain, that Mel is willing to cheat. She did it with him on someone he knows and respects (probably more than he respects himself). That will eventually wear at him and every time she's a little late, or takes a trip out of town on her own, or is just a bit too friendly with a male friend, he's going to wonder. It will eventually erode his feelings for her. Likewise, she'll know that he'll chat up a married women, even if its the wife of a close friend. They've built their relationship on quicksand.

Sorry, Eugene really owed him, and was supposed to be his friend. He never should have gone with Mel, even if they didn't do too much before telling Chase. A real friend doesn't do that.

Mel should have told Chase she was falling for Eugene and asked Chase if he wanted to grow their relationship, or to let it fade out without acrimony. If they broke up, some time later, she could start dating Eugene, (presumably with no bad feelings on Chase's part by then).

But no, the man who Chase tried to help ends up being more of a loser than he was in the beginning of the story. I wish Chase had told him that . . . that his behavior was a complete betrayal. He should have told Eugene that he may have seemed wimpier initially, but he was a better man, had more honor, and was a decent human being before Chase got involved. Now, he's shown that he's just another piece of scum like Eugene's ex-wife liked to sleep with . . . a supposed 'best friend' who would move in on his benefactor's girl friend. Chase could have added that he guesses he now needs to apologize to Lisa . . . she was right, he never should have gotten involved. Further, he never, ever would have done to Eugene what Eugene did to him. No real friend . . . no decent human being . . . behaves like that.

Wanna' really pile it on . . . Chase could have taken a ring (a nice one) out of his pocket and slid it over to Eugene, saying, "Here, I'll give you a great deal on this. I was going to ask Mel next week, and I wanted you, my 'best friend', to be my best man . . . which just shows what an ignorant fool I was. You guys can have a great laugh about that. It's a nice ring, though. But, if you like it, arrange to pay through Tony, okay? I don't ever want to speak to either of you again."

All that being said, the story, like many of yours, was well written . . . and it certainly did grab me emotionally . . .

hey now there eskimo brothers

What C24J said.

...road in their getting with him before they acted on their feelings....well, too much.

It would have been better if Mel had said something as soon as she got back from NY, where obviously, things with she and Gene began to develop. But it is realistic that they put it off until they were ready to act on their feelings. Most breakups happen when there is already something else percolating, some other relationship to walk into. It is the clueless one that gets the shock, the surprise and the heartache and feeling of betrayal. Because it is. As I said, the one moving on should speak up far sooner than they usually do.

Thank you. Well written and thoroughly enjoyable on every front.

Fiction gives us the chance to explore alternative scenarios, to imaginatively test different outcomes to events.

That's what you've done here, to good effect.

What's painfully obvious in the comments is how useless the so-called ratings can be. Quite often, people are rating the 'fit' of the story to their own expectations and desires. This is quite different from rating a story on it's own merit (writing quality and success at achieving author's aims). It's like saying a science fiction film is bad for no better reason that you wanted to view a romantic comedy.

of course ratings are useless. this is no literary prize, moron. 5/5

This was a great tale but I saw it going a different way. I figured the twist would be Gene telling Chase to man up and marry the girl, being Mel, and that Gene and Bev would be a happy couple and all would live happily ever after. That would have been the logical ending. Although they didn't hide it that was a crappy thing to do to the friend who basically saved his life, taking his girl. As the expression goes, with friends like that who needs enemies. Chase did have his happy ending but not until the epilogue. Lost a little because of it. Four Stars

I thought the story pointed towards a similar ending as "betrayed..." did, namely that Gene was simply using a little bit of his newly found "balls" but tempered by a lifetime of knowing what it was like to NOT stand up for yourself (or the ones you love). I truly thought you'd very cleverly set everything up for Gene to realize that he (and Mel) needed to push Chase into making a decision about his future with Mel one way or the other. I guess the bit with the names should have tipped me off to where you were actually headed. Irregardless, I thought it was a great story, and I don't believe I've ever seen the tag "doll houses" appear before, so full marks for originality! You are certainly one of the top 5 writers to contribute to this site, and I learn a little more about how to write an engaging, entertaining, and BELIEVABLE story with each new contribution you make, so MANY thanks for making learning about creative writing FUN. I hope to someday (Eu)Gene-up and brave the schizophrenic audience here in LW. Must be nice to have the confidence, gained from knowing you've rocked the board with a few high 4's, to write something truly unique like this piece, while knowing as you did so that your scores would suffer. Thanks again for this "lesson"!

I'm with you!

Even Chase himself pretty much admitted it: "For the first time in my life, no matter what day of the week it was, I fell asleep and awakened the next morning with a woman cuddled in my arms...a woman I cared for...a woman with whom I was falling in love." "a woman I cared for...a woman with whom I was falling in love." - I don't believe he could ever truly say that about Mel; MAYBE he cared for her, but not the way he cares for Rita!

Laptopwriter spoke the truth. This was completely different from his other posts.

This was all cliche.

Amazing, from the evil wife,the wimpy husband, to the bartender ready to listen every time you show up.

Technically correctly written.

This reader wonders, is this supposed to be satire? Ironic?

I am left perplexed and feeling poleaxed as

AMerryman

💫

😮

No real betrayal for me. They weren't committed or even living together and Mel found someone who was more to her taste, and told him about it before acting on it. Happened to me once and the end result (after a few not so good weeks) was that we all ended up friends again and still are. I confess though that my fortune going in the opposite direction to theirs in the years since, has helped me somewhat.

Enjoyable and fun to read. Thanks.

How is this not your highest rated story? It is your best to date. Five stars.

Who needs enemies? I mean really? A guy helps you out of a horrific situation and you pay him back by pursuing his girlfriend and causing their breakup!

Those are not the actions of an honourable person. It's downright despicable. It's no wonder 'Gene' has no friends. Who wants friends who start knifing you in the back and betray you to get what they want?

Eugene it seems actually deserved his despicable wife! They were a matched set!

This was not a LW story. 1*

First to the author, I liked it a lot. Very well done. I think you hit it out of the park. It is a point of view that I think more authors should explore, the outside view of a relationship going south. Thank you.

I read Britease's comment "No real betrayal for me. They weren't committed or even living together and Mel found someone who was more to her taste, and told him about it before acting on it."

I see your point, but consider this. It still hurts to know that you are being rejected and replaced. It's only natural to want to wish I'll on your now ex and her new boyfriend. And even your own words say that.

"Happened to me once and the end result (after a few not so good weeks) was that we all ended up friends again and still are. I confess though that my fortune going in the opposite direction to theirs in the years since, has helped me somewhat."

I'm not trying to argue with you. I just disagree that it was "no real betrayal". If I misunderstood you, I apologize. But that's how I understand your comment.

Dan

@Britease

"I confess though that my fortune going in the opposite direction to theirs in the years since, has helped me somewhat."

The fact that you say this tells me that the "betrayal" affected you more severely than you'd care to admit.

@laptopwriter

My gripe with the story (the writing's pretty good) is that a friend like Eugene is in no way a friend. You never go after your friend's girl when she's in an exclusive relationship with him. And you NEVER ambush your friend the way the two of them did. If the two of them really liked each other then she should have broken off with him first and then tried to see if a relationship with Eugene actually worked out or not. Both of them counted on the protagonist's decency to not hurt them, physically or emotionally.

Also, as a reader, the epilogue was a cop off. No one cares what good things happened to him afterwards. That extra bit was just left as an afterthought for the reader to wander off thinking "all's well that ends well".

Gist of the story is that a man tried to do right and got turned into a cuck (not in the true physical sense but from an emotional perspective) by the very guy he was helping.

There would be no friendship. They had each other. All that crap about her wanting the domestic things in life. They had been dating for a year and now she come up with that excuse. Take your friendship and stick it in your doll house!!!!

I was very annoyed when I read this story yesterday and I couldn't quite figure if it was because of an emotional reaction or something else so I came back today to take another look. Overall, it's a well written story other than a few minor grammatical errors. You've foreshadowed the changing of Mel's emotions throughout the story quite well but each time it led to a situation where Mel takes care of her relationship with Chase. I half though that the final bar scene was another red herring.

On reflection though, my annoyance is because the twist, while cleverly done, was too contrived for me in the end and did not fit into the characters you had developed. Mel and Chase have been together for almost a year and obviously feel very strongly about each other but don't seem to communicate much at all beyond weekends. Mel has firm goals about marriage but we hear no mention about this until the end of the story. I don't think a woman in her situation would not bring it up sooner and there wouldn't be friction in the relationship around this issue. And that kiss the night before they tell Chase is so unbecoming to how they would treat someone they both profess to love and respect. A lover's kiss is cheating and it doesn't just happen because one of them slipped on a banana peel. Obviously they had developed an emotional attraction. At that point the decent thing to do would have been for Mel to break up with Chase and then do whatever she wanted to do.

Anyways, just my 2c. Keep writing!

Only the plot and characters need to be destroyed... the two backstabbing assholes and the hero who forgot how to destroy the betrayers totally.

They deserved no mercy and certainly no friendship... It looked like you reread the story and looked for a way to bail out your original hero upon whom you poured a ton of crap... save the story in chapter 2 and start with Gene and Mel's honeymoon funeral.

An enjoyable reading time. Good characters, good story. I can't ask anything more in a reading experience. Yes 5 stars all the way!

Please keep writing and I will keep reading.

Nicely written story, but I don't have much sympathy for Chase. That cold feet and can't fall in love deal is depressing, and he deserved to lose Mel, but I still could see the switch coming and I don't think I'd be a forgiving man. Sure he finds a new girl but it was just sad. Mel seemed to have lots of "down time" in their relationship and then would come back and screw his brains out- that was kind of unreliable and suspicious. One last thing: a $50 top on a $350 dinner bill is actually not a very good tip, less than 15%. Should have been at least $75 or more. Just a small quibble, but the writing as usual was very above the norm.

If your friend is down, dont ever help him up cause he will just end up screwing you the moment he lands on his feet..

the betrayal was telegraphed well. i became angry, but i did not break things.

i am getting better.

I knew it was coming.

"Nice guys finish last!", and that was certainly the case here! There's no way in hell that Chase should/could forgive Mel for just dumping him with no prior indication that she was unhappy! AND that ungrateful wimp Eugene? He deserved to have his ass kicked and his face rearranged! Chase rescues him from a horrible marriage and asks the woman he trusts to help set Eugene up in the doll house business,and the two of them proceed to shit all over him! Even if Mel and Eugene felt a growing attraction,there relationships with Chase should have caused them to not get involved.

From the "Be careful what you ask for" department,would have to think that Eugene is a lousy fuck,inexperienced and not aggressive. Mel has proven to be a hot little minx who loves fucking. She'll be missing Chase soon enough!

The whole thing with Chase's new love,the red head,felt rushed and contrived. Would have been better developed a a follow-up story.

The fact that the betrayal of Chase by his girlfriend and a friend he'd done so much for pissed me off so strongly gives this story the power to rate it a 5. (An angry 5!)

ps: Big-spender Eugene's $50 tip on a $350 bill at the restaurant came up short.He should have left another $20,a total of $70 to make the tip the 20% he should have left if the service was good.

Yes, I said pretty much the same thing, i'm surprised that I haven't had any blow back!

My main gripe was that Chase seemed to be impressed, Maybe it was the "four crisp $100 bills"! As I said in my original comment, If I wanted to impress somebody I would have left $450 for a $100 tip!

I was a teacher for 35 years and can't help noticing errors in grammar,word usage,and spelling. (In fact ,in my comment on this story,I misused the word "there".I should have written,"their".) BUT,

I refrain from correcting grammar,etc. in stories if the intent is clear.These comments are about reactions to a story,not an exercise in writing skills.

Don't get me wrong.I admire your vigilance in pursuing the proper use of the English language.I just wonder whether this is the place to teach English lessons.

You are certainly right on about the whole tip situation,by the way.

And I still think that Chase let Mel and Eugene off far too easily! Betrayal is betrayal and really difficult to forgive!

Final reaction : Mel was an a disingenuous cunt. Eugene was an ungrateful,traitorous turd! Tony should have minded his own fucking business!

Forgive the traitorous two? No fucking way!

A very sad example of,"No good deed goes unpunished!"

Life sucks,and then you die!

Mel was a cheating bitch and Eugene is a slime ball and an even worse friend. Chase was an idiot to forgive them. One star

I would have never forgiven either one of them. Ever.

You do not go after a friend's or relative's woman (or man)....not even and Ex. Heck, I never went after an acquaintances EX. The world has billions of people in it, so find another. Maybe an exception if you live long term in a very small and remote town.

Yeah, I know some folks who did it....not sure how most of them worked out because I withdrew from those couples. They are just not people I want to be around. Had a neighbor once that had stole his brothers wife and kid. She divorced one brother, married the other. Ended up divorced from the second brother too. She came on to me a couple of times, while married to the second brother. Stayed way clear of them, occasionally waving from a safe distance of a coupe of houses away.

Frankly, if I were "Gene" in this story, I would not want a women who would do that. She did it to him with you, so you could be the next one to get stabbed in the back.

I give the story 4 stars.

I bounced back and forth between giving a 1-star rating and a 5-star rating. But since Chase wound up with a much better relationship with Rita than he had with Melony, I went with the 5-star rating. I hope the 5 shares of Eugene and Melony's corporation were worth the betrayal Chase felt. It won't be long before Melony is climbing into bed with Jason. And Eugene will be begging Lisa to take him back.

The thing with Mel and Eugene was really predictable, didn't make it any less annoying.

My first thought was that if Eugene considered Chase such a good friend, he should just have buried his feelings rather than acted on them.

Chase was also a bit too blind not to see any if it coming.

Chase finding someone else felt most of all like a consolation prize, after losing his woman to the guy he made the mistake of helping, that part would need to be fleshed out significantly to be narratively satisfying.,

If the woman he ended up loving for sure and proposing to gets significantly less of a word count than one he dated and didn't know if he loved or not, something is wrong.

To bad the idiot didn't get his head out of his A.H. sooner. He could of had a very good life with Melody....

Initially I thought this was going to be a typical "burn-the-bitch" story, but it took a couple of swerves that really caused me to end up liking it . Bravo.

This was an awful lot of verbiological verbosity for a very low payoff. I always figured Mel and Eugene would hookup and dump whatsisname. The good thing was you kept throwing curves in there and I figured, well I was wrong...but hookup they did.

Just a bit too predictable and sappy this time.

In any case, you really do have a nice way with words, so thank you for your efforts.

Then it turned to SHIT! Just another pathetic sissy faggot story. Mel is nothing but a heartless Cunt and Eugenis a backstabbing little bitch. And you could see this coming as soon as the Cunt said she was going to NYC with the little bitch. Those story sucked.

By story's end, Chase is in the same position Eugene was at the beginning. Chase gives Eugene a life; Eugene gives Chase some beer and then takes his girl. Mel dumped Chase for a guy with more money: the house and kids was just an excuse. (Otherwise, she would have at least mentioned those desires to Chase before she dumped him.) Their "hope this won't affect their friendship" indicates they believe he has no self-respect. They certainly have no respect for him. All that's left now is for Rita to dump him for Tony the bartender. That should finally convince Chase he needs a new set of friends and a new drinking establishment. By the way, I gave you 5* because you made me care enough about the characters to write this comment.

If I'm not mistaken, the story begins with a cheating wife. How is this not a loving wife tale?

I was really angry, when I finished your story. I felt that Chase was betrayed by his friend and secondarily by Mel. I was so angry, and then I realized that I cared about this character and what he experienced. To be able to feel that means the author got me involved and brought me in. For me, that means it was well written. To me that is so much more important than a typo or a missed tense. While I did not like the ending, the author writes what he wants and we can react. Great job and thank you for writing

Jp

You should have know when they went to NY and ignored Chase for Eugene this was coming! They both were REALLY HIS FRIENDS! LOL. Mel was a whore just like Eugenes first wife! He was a better man than me when he was the Best Man!! They really screwed him over after all his help! That is gratitude for you!!

I agree with some readers comments that you good see that situation coming with Eugene and Mel.

It seems to me Mel's hidden agenda was to be secure in life financially. Kadon was a good prospect, however he was always going to be a playboy. Mel IMO of interpreting her character took a chance with Eugene and want to stsy friends with Chase just in case she wanted to go back to him ...mmmm,..shrewd girl.

For me I would have written into the story Chase hunting Lisa down for sex and a short term relationship.

Mel and Eugene should have at least helped Chase find a new woman.

Also the timided shy, quite girl friend of Eugene dating two others men at the same time is also out of sync with her character. Again perhaps Chase should have gone after her as well, then Eugene's mother sister !

Get the picture.

It would be interesting (and not surprising) if later on Eugene goes after Rita. Eugene's growth is just a bit corrupt. He very much wanted to be like Chase. He wanted to stand up to his cheating wife (like Chase would have done), so Chase helped him do it. He wanted to learn to fight, like Chase, so he worked out, learned, and eventually became a better fighter. He wanted to be successful, like Chase, so with Chase's initial help, he eventually he becomes more successful. Finally there's Chase's girl friend. Eugene may not want to hurt Chase, and may want to keep him as a friend, but psychologically, he's compelled to have what Chase has, and more.

That's why it'll be Rita next. Somehow or other, Eugene will get to her. She may be nicer to Chase, explaining that they have to divorce (or not get married, if Eugene is quick enough) because she's falling for Eugene, but one way or another, Eugene's compulsion (and Rita's lack of strength) will lead to that ultimate hook-up. Though Eugene will try, he and Chase will never again be close friends after that.

Tony will avoid analyzing anything this time, and just quietly serve people their drinks.

Mel and Chase will probably end up back together, and this time Eugene would NOT go after Mel, since she would now be his leftovers, and he wouldn't see Chase as having something he didn't . . . something that he needed to get. Interestingly, the Mel that Chase ends up with will be a much stronger and wiser one than the version of Mel that left him. She'll have to chase Chase for a while . . . but he'll begin to see and appreciate the differences in her character. The sex will be even greater than before. Once they're together again, Mel will have little interest in anyone other than Chase. Chase will know he's deeply in love, and this time will have no problem telling her. They will have great kids.

Eugene and Rita will be okay. Eugene will finally have the feeling that he's won somehow . . . that the student had finally done even better than the teacher. He may never know true love, or true friendship (though he may never really understand this) and he may eventually be a little haunted by feeling that he's never completely happy in life. Chase and Mel could help him towards psychological health by telling him he needs some therapy . . . but this time . . . they decide to leave well enough alone . . . it's too risky to help Eugene.

Very well said, JP ( anonymous 7/31). I felt the same way.

The author did a great job and I too felt for this fictional character and the betrayal after EVERYthing he did for that man ever since school.

It is a very good writer that can elicit that kind of feeling over a fictional character.

I guess the question is whether Chase can walk with his chest out in respect for himself or not? Forgive? yeah, forgive... but have any friendship... Hell no. The betrayal is too deep.

Mel and Gene need to remember... karma always gets is way. No one can avoid reaping what they have sown.

The story was very well written and sure did evoke a deep emotional response.

The author did a great job of creating a consistent immature guy of Chase. The whole story was mostly about Chase maturing. Gene and Mel owe no one apologies, they did the honorable thing. Gene didn't chase Mel; their relationship grew as their business connections grew.

Can't relate to the angry comments.

Also, I always thought the Brits were the ones to ever use the term gusset, an un-erotic word if I've read one.

Then, can't a guy put on a jacket; throw on a jacket, rather than slip on a jacket? Slipping on is a feminine term to me, so ladies can slip on whatever they want. I still believe there's a difference between men and women.

Eugene broke the 1st commandment of Bud-dom. Thou shalt not steal thy bud's girl! Period. End of story. There are no bud-counselors out there to help buds reconcile.

The epilogue was just the author throwing a bone to Chase. BAH!

Well written with good grammar. I think that Eugene's character is despicable. A real friend leaves other guys girls alone. I have had feelings develop with a couple of friends wives, (over a couple of decades). I put distance between us and made sure there was no chance of allowing any kind of intimacy to develop. I have even been propositioned in subtle ways. I pretended that I didn't understand. I have no respect for Eugene's character. He is an emotionally weak individual who cannot be trusted as a friend. I would hold no grudges, but we could only be acquaintances. Friendship is an intimate relationship of a sort. Friends and lovers should each put the other first. Well, I console myself with the fact that this is fiction.