by wannascrew2
Can we try for something that could just possibly happen in the real world? We've got spontaneous ass-fucking, without preparation -- sounds like pure pain to me, not pleasure.
This story is great... achieves it's purpose, which is rabid eroticism and burning lust.A bit short in the details, but a fine first effort.
What could have been at least a great fantasy left me baling out. It is rare that I totally stop reading a story because the grammer is so bad. The poor sentence structure deters from the story so much that it is difficult to determine who is saying what. Please find someone to proofread your work. Thank you.
You tell the guy to proofread, and yet YOU say "grammer" instead of "grammar", and "deters" instead of "detracts". You need to go away and get your own shit in order before you start pointing the finger!
This site IS... "Literotica", i.e., although sexual in nature, submissions should be LITERATE. An otherwise good and engaging story is spoiled (in a literary sense) by NOT following fairly standard rules for grammar, construction, etc. It is relatively easy to proof-read and/or edit your tale (I am tempted to say "Tail" but shall pass that by in the hope that you can, in future, be LITERATE as well as EROTIC.) Please try again; imagination is good but is not, in itself, sufficient th grab your audience (By the balls?!)