I fell aslepp after reading the first paragraph...yawn
by
Anonymous04/23/04
wa ? hunh?
oh um .....is it over ? i passed out waiting for it to begin...plagerize some one elses words please ??? yours suck
by
Anonymous04/23/04
minnesota nites
The other people who said that it sucked or yawned has never spent a winter in northern Minnesota. They are probably from Florida.....So what would they know about anything anyway....I think the story was pretty good and that you should keep it up...
Ole Reb
by
Anonymous04/23/04
Good Start.
It is a great start to what could become a great story.
by
Anonymous04/23/04
Great Story!
Awesome setup, I really love the medically oriented stories, wish there were more out there...the whole cath thing was kinda odd, but hey, whatever floats your boat. I can't wait for the next installment - maybe some more erotic action? All the setup is well worth it, but I'd still like a little more erotica
I've been in that kind of weather and understand your story. I hope to see more episodes. Thank You..
by
Anonymous04/23/04
Ummm Rigghhhtt..
It was an ok story, but it doesnt have enough details, and I dont see what compelled her to check to see if they were related. Thats sick they just had sex. The story was interesting, but that could've been rated PG 13. Needs more graphic sex scenes. It is.. litEROTICA.com Ummm, alright. Thanks for the submission. Good Luck. You can make this story better. *Cherry Lube*
by
Anonymous04/23/04
crap
That's the biggest piece of crap that I have ever read.
by
04/23/04
Ahahahahahahahah
snip - She lubricated six inches of the plastic tube and pushed it into the opening at the tip of his penis. - unsnip.
I found the story in need of more polish. Perhaps if you do a second chapter you can go into more detail.
by
Anonymous04/24/04
technical details
The story's tense is not consistant. The use of present and past tense in the same sentence is confusing. Also the use of omniscient point of view takes away from the intimacy of one view point. Too much jumping in and out of each actor's head for so short a story. The "surprise ending"is very amature and overused.
by
Anonymous09/18/11
very bad
crap as most said but also because the wannabe writer was to stupid to finish and use a good editor we need either a delete button or a BIG negative button.
English
yawn!!!
I fell aslepp after reading the first paragraph...yawn
wa ? hunh?
oh um .....is it over ? i passed out waiting for it to begin...plagerize some one elses words please ??? yours suck
minnesota nites
The other people who said that it sucked or yawned has never spent a winter in northern Minnesota. They are probably from Florida.....So what would they know about anything anyway....I think the story was pretty good and that you should keep it up...
Ole Reb
Good Start.
It is a great start to what could become a great story.
Great Story!
Awesome setup, I really love the medically oriented stories, wish there were more out there...the whole cath thing was kinda odd, but hey, whatever floats your boat. I can't wait for the next installment - maybe some more erotic action? All the setup is well worth it, but I'd still like a little more erotica
Okay? Needs pizazz!
Needs more descriptions of an erotic nature. Needs mor graphic details on the sex scenes. Hopfully they will get better.
Thanks for writing.
sexmate
Cold Sucks..
I've been in that kind of weather and understand your story. I hope to see more episodes. Thank You..
Ummm Rigghhhtt..
It was an ok story, but it doesnt have enough details, and I dont see what compelled her to check to see if they were related. Thats sick they just had sex. The story was interesting, but that could've been rated PG 13. Needs more graphic sex scenes. It is.. litEROTICA.com Ummm, alright. Thanks for the submission. Good Luck. You can make this story better. *Cherry Lube*
crap
That's the biggest piece of crap that I have ever read.
Ahahahahahahahah
snip - She lubricated six inches of the plastic tube and pushed it into the opening at the tip of his penis. - unsnip.
Needs more detail
I found the story in need of more polish. Perhaps if you do a second chapter you can go into more detail.
technical details
The story's tense is not consistant. The use of present and past tense in the same sentence is confusing. Also the use of omniscient point of view takes away from the intimacy of one view point. Too much jumping in and out of each actor's head for so short a story. The "surprise ending"is very amature and overused.
very bad
crap as most said but also because the wannabe writer was to stupid to finish and use a good editor we need either a delete button or a BIG negative button.
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