Jill Came Tumbling After

Keep it going

4 star for encouragement but that is no place to end a chapter....

it's like looking up at the cliff from the ground below wondering where you'd hang from if you had your choice... I like the momentum and direction it might be going. Advice i'd say that with a very simple to imagine plot arch and key events to sex scenes looming you could either roll with that if you can make the story steamy hot and dripping with attrition to the point of fapable (Not easy as it seems was my assay) or whatever you want... If you aren't sure what you want next something you could try is writing the last thing one would expect for every plot event given the scenario this far,.... Kinda like this (though if u dont know the beastieboys it makes 1/2 the sense https://youtu.be/GiHdr4rWG98_____________If you reply i'll log in for future comments. Thanks for writing, and as the one before me says.....

Can't wait

Can't wait to read the rest....

Poor structure

No actual action anywhere in here.

Good start...

With some potential. I like how you close out her wiggle room, but the story needs to continue.

Can t wait

Please, more of this fantastic Storie

There's some definite potential here, and I think the title is really clever and eye-catching. I like our main character. I can't wait to read more.