Time Out - The Consequences

Probably should have gone with your first instinct!

Liked the first story, well sort of (it was indeed unusual). You should have let it stand and not submitted this rather strange and unpleasant mess. It only served to diminish the original, rather than add any value.

Missing piece

Loraine and Cheryl's side? Loraine's reasons, and what could possibly have made Cheryl do what she did?

ANYBODY CAN CALL A TIME OUT

the time in call is the hard one. TK U MLJ LV NV

Great Story

Enjoyed all the twists and turns in the plot. They kept me interested and reading til I finished. Thank you for writing it. 5 stars

Interesting

I suspected she was cheating in the first chapter. Then I was distressed at the "therapy" that was prescribed and wanted to rant at the characters not to go along with it so blithely. Good thing he went, huh?
The plot twist actually made more sense of what happened in the first chapter than I would have thought possible.
I enjoyed it.

Ahh

This chapter made sense of the first, which was ludicrous for it's "therapy". That piece of BS stunk to high-heaven.

5/5

Follow ups aren't always easy to write...

Follow ups aren't always easy to write...More when the plot has to turn 180º!! And this was the case...In part 1 we felt that something was rotten and smelled bad, but didn't have any clue...Now we know that this was the story @imhapless has in mind! How do we know? Because in part 1 the wife asked him to talk with his friend John for him to point a marriage therapist...And that was the sign that this was the story in mind...the writer didn't turned 180º his plot and characters...Without this sign it would seem the case...but the sign was there all along...So this was the ending the writer wanted since he began to write the story...What I didn't like in this part was why a very rich and beautiful woman like John's wife would like to stay married (with post-nupcial or not) to a, for at least 10 years, cheating husband, unemployed, without a permit to practice his profession...And believed that after all he wasn't waiting for her money to be free to divorce her...In that marriage Karma didn't ruled...3*

Good Story

Nice fantasy but a bit shallow. Not enough meat on the bone regarding his relationships with his family. His daughter betrayed him. A lot of men would disown her for that. A lot of daughters would be broken by betraying their father. It could well be the start down the long path of cheating for her. It would have been nice if his daughter had thrown mom under the bus so as not to share in her sin. Logan would learn not to trust women, any women, after his mothers long term betrayal. As for Lorraine, she was alone and betrayed by her lover who didn't leave his wife. She had betrayed her family for him. There was a lot of meat on those bones. Try serving it up next time!

Pretty cowardly to suddenly reveal that the wife was evil so as to make the husband 100% in the right for cheating on her.

Next write a sequel to Macbeth where it turned out King Duncan was secretly molesting children all along so the audience likes your hero more.

This worked well

I thought there was something screwy about the Time Out idea. And it proved to be so.

The second part resolved all the issues raised in part one and it worked very well.

Part One

For some reason I couldn't bring myself to read Part One, but this part actually stands on its own.

@erk0630 Re: "Missing piece"

"Loraine and Cheryl's side? Loraine's reasons, and what could possibly have made Cheryl do what she did?"

Um, Ellie's money, and Braxton fucked her better without her having to work at it.

For Cheryl it was loyalty to her mother and fear of her parents divorcing.

innocence

I do not believe anyone was innocent in this story. Dan went to see Betsy before he found out about his wife's affair. Lorraine was probably the most guilty. Cheryl in my opinion was the most innocent she was just caught up in a bad situation , but she came thru when needed. It all worked out in the end for everyone except Lorraine.

Turned out to be . . .

. . . a more interesting story than I expected. I felt that the second part was a bit rushed and could have been developed more fully. Would like to have seen Lorraine suffer a bit more than she did, both before and after the divorce, and his good friend John should have experienced more pain than was described. But not a bad effort at all. 4*

Unfortunately I have made this mistake

When I was writing bill and karyn, I caved to negative comments and came up with a sequel to make the wife evil and completely irredeemable. It scored higher and even though it was basically a deus ex machina that barely tied to the original tale, I shouldn't have written it. Sometimes a story has to stand on it's own, for better or worse.

I ended up rewriting my first story, simply to clear up some of the plot holes and without changing the resolution. Then I asked for the sequel to be removed. I don't know if you will do the same, but realistically your sequel is hard to believe and not necessarily needed to tie up this tale. 2*

At least that's settled.

This turned out exactly as I thought after the first part. Only flub was that he joked about being CIA when it was NSA.

Not very interesting at all.

Forgot to mention

That the whole idea of sending them to sex camp was just an additional risk. If the goal was to make him think they were making progress with their sex issues and get him out of the way for wife and lover: just send them on seperate vacations! Little risk of discovery or that he would find someone else. And much easier for the therapist to wiggle out of.

Wife just has to play at having missed him and using that as an excuse to be more attentive while she sets him up.

Hard to believe he didn't see this before he left. But like I said, he forgot her as soon as he was on the plane so I doubt he had much affection for her at all.

This satisfies my need for a good ending

I really enjoyed the original Time Out and wanted more, especially the Loraine perspective. You've nailed it with this conclusion. Thank you very much for you're efforts to satisfy. 5* and look forward to your next story.

Nice

But I liked Ch 1 better. The illegal listening devices from the government contracted labs threw it over the top for me.

It was okay

Good plot but seemed a little far fetched that the guy ends up being some super lover that could steal a wife away. Wasn't crazy about how he treated his daughter either, would have been better if she told him to pack sand after making his ultimatum.

Found this one fun to read.

Would have liked to find out more about Loraine but interesting twist on the first chapter.

This made the original story better

Still not great. But definitely better.

The responses are interesting

Basically that irritating question of Why? was not answered but if it was a ten year affair Lorraine got all that she deserved. I wonder whether she ever imagined that
Braxton was not absolutely dependent on her pussy for happiness.... It certainly justified the occurrences in the previous story.

addendum

Of course, the original subterfuge was WAY over the top for a 10 day fuck-fest, but I guess you have to deal with what you have.

I enjoyed this

Reading the first one I figured Lorraine was cheating, but I thought it was with her personal trainer. I was glad he burned her but I am disappointed that John got off so lightly.

Quit while you're ahead

Like some others, I think you should have been satisfied with episode one for all its implausibility. This read as if it was written to a formula.

Meh

I liked the last one. It had a novel wacky idea for marital counseling, serious repercussions, some nice engaging slap and tickle, and real people.

It wasn't a BTB story...and it did not have to BE a BTB story.

BUT...you had to make it a BTB story. Perhaps the scores weren't high enough.

As a continuation, it works. But it is very much a workmanlike product. The entire BTB checklist is there (do I NEED to type it out?) It was engaging but not enough to be as stunning as some of your other stories.

A couple of things bother me

How did he know Betsy was trustworthy? Fruit of the poisonous tree. From a story standpoint, it seems he only knew he could trust her AFTER he started his magic super spy stuff.

Obviously since Betsy was on the up and up, Time Out WAS a real thing and it was considered a treatment for marital malaise. Fettig could easily argue that she simply made a mistake with his treatment, and that there WAS no intent to deceive. He has a really steep hill to climb, particularly considering he can't use his magic tech spy stuff.

However...maybe she felt bad enough and was semi moral enough that she didn't go there.

Not sure why he went to the dark side. After all, even with a normal divorce, all's well that ends well as far as he is concerned. Not sure how being savage improved his circumstances much. A hundred grand isn't worth that kind of familial misery. Now a half a million or more ("we all know what you are, madam, now we are quibbling over the price")

Not a waste of time, but not a Jewel.

Now that was a kick in the gut! LOL

After finishing Pt 1 this morning and seeing the teaser for Pt. 2 I finally read it after getting my chores done. This does really wrap it all up. What Loraine didn't count on was hubby falling for the "bimbo" as she called her, and she falling for him and finding him. It would have all continued on as planned if that hadn't happened. But I also wondered if Carol/Betsy might have been involved.
Anyway, good ending. Didn't see the BTB ending coming and was hoping that Dan and Loraine were going to be helped, because ultimately I always hope that a marriage will not be torn apart.
5*s on pt 1, 5 *'s on this part, and Favorite Story status

@tejmjm55 Re: "Cheating"

I may be mistaken, but wasn't Dan's "cheating" with Carol/Betsy actually set up by Lorraine?

sbrooks

Did the husband know that? Since he didn't, that does not exonerate him one bit. This isn't a tale where he is gotten drunk by some girlfriend so she can bounce on his cock. He was put in a situation where he could make his own choices.

HOWEVER, he is exonerated by the fact that both of them opened up their marriage according to Judy. They were in a fault free zone.

Still, at $11,000 dollars or so plus the attorney fees, it seems like a very expensive way to get a long trip to fuck the lover she was already seeing several times a week. What's a matter, SHE couldn't also lie about having conference? It worked for Braxton.

Thanks for the effort.

Now That is Poetic License

It is obvious that the intent of this story is to rescue Dan from the first story. Now he doesn't have to be the bad guy. The next chapter will tell us how the moon landings were faked. Way over the top.

You had me ...

In the first part of the story, you had me believing that it was going in one direction. THEN, you surprise me with the analytical approach that reveals that the protagonist was being herded along a path conducive to the wife's ambitions. Great story!

5 Stars.

Awesome tie in

Great tie in to previous effort, I really like the more conniving cheats and sophisticated revenge stories and this one fit the bill perfectly!

The author writes:

"I am cordial, but not friendly." That's funny because cordial means friendly.