by carrieoct15
Does Dan have a wife or a girlfriend, and what is the point other than "duh, she's cheating?" Grammar and spelling make the dialog and story difficult to read.
What was the sense of this story if. His girlfriend is cheating so what happens next. Please continue this story.
"It's just a felling"
"Dave and I are lover now"
and who could forget...
"Rebecca's hot creamy just fuck"
... what the hell, man? You gotta know how to speak the language before you write it.
Cute story, surprise ending. Better learn where the "spell check" button on your computer is though, makes it a hard read!
thats very nice attempt. i like incest stories especially and that was one of them. i masturbated twice during reading. i also like sex chatting so if any boy, girl, aunt, sister, niece want to chat about sex they r welcome.they can mail me on:behankayar@yahoo.com
story was ok but you kept mixing things up first you say she is his girlfriend then later she is his wife then girlfriend again keep it straight
yea u mixed up wife and girlfriend. u also said rebecca and dave were his friends near the end... i'm pretty sure mickey mouse could write better literotica than u...
Esta es una historia muy caliente y me gusta mucho porque es bien bizarra y graciosa
You Keep changing who is who in the relationships first she was his girlfriend then she was his wife? then back to girlfriend
his brother and sister then switched to friends in the retelling to girlfriend/wife who is who?
Was she his wife or girlfriend and were they his brother and sister or his friends? Otherwise good story.
WTF WAS THIS, DID NOT LIKE IT SAM I AM, DID NOT LIKE THE BEARDED CLAM. TOO SHORET, TOO CRAPPY AND NOT A GOOD STORY. PLEASE LEARN TO WRITE
You're an illiterate swamp-donkey, go back to school and learn how to spell
So, are Rebecca, Dave and Dan siblings or friends? And is Leila Dan's girlfriend or wife? The author's proofreading this would have made it much easier for us readers.
That was a very hot & wild story, by now u have been told in no uncertain terms about the mistakes, so no need to say more, I really love reading it, now though u need to finish it with 1 or 2 more chapters please.
Very poor story, no descriptions, nonreal story, no build up and an ending that a 15 year old could guess.
Then theres the spelling, plus one minute its his girlfriend, then his wife, one moment its his brother & sister the next its his friends.
You need to take some lessons on how to write stories, how to use spell checker then get an editor or proof reader with better skills than yours.
1* for effort, after thinking about it thats one star too many !!