Fucking Her Boyfriend's Roommate

Its clear the admin of this site are no longer around, stories can be posted wherever the fuck the writer likes, plagiarism is allowed, since I've been reporting a story for well over a week and the story is still on here, another writer has requested a story be moved and hasn't been done a week later.

This is in the WRONG category, there is no WIFE! A girlfriend is not a wife.

Idiotic!!! MINUS 5*!!!

Cheap story goes ugly!!!

Appalling writing.

There is hardly a sentence without a mistake.

To take just the first three.

1) "Nicole was a fiery little redhead took the breath away from her boyfriend Joe on a daily basis."

Nicole was a fiery little redhead WHO took the breath away from her boyfriend Joe on a daily basis.

2) "Nicole only stood at 5 feet tall, but didn't appear that short in appearance."

Didn't appear in appearance? WTF does that mean?

3) "She had a perfect body with perfectly shape and soft milky white 34B breasts that fit perfectly in your hand."

Perfect garbage. What is a "perfectly shape"? I don't recall her ever being in my hands, thank you.

Paragraph 2 begins "It was a normal Friday night at the University they all attended."
Paragraph 3 begins "It was the usual Friday night at the bar..."

I think we got the idea the first time.

"was a little disappointed that he himself wasn't getting one tonight"

As opposed to "he not himself"?

And, of course, the massive dick!

Quit while you are ahead.

The sentence structure is

not structured in any way known to man.

1*

illiterate cuck shit.

Needs work

Despite the obvious grammatical errors, the premise was ok. It was the delivery that sucked. We all know she was his girlfriends room mate. No need to tell us every other sentence.

boner

sounds like your 1st story, however it was an overall good premise that got me hard

Give the writer a break

This is Literotica not a grammar class or one on literary composition.
The story is highly erotic so I give it a 5.

not...

not erotic, not fun, not written by anyone who's studied the English language, not containing a wife, not worth one star. stop writing, you can't do it.

Keep at it

Hi. A few suggestions. Go look at the highly rated stories form a number of different categories There are a lot. Look at how the stories are structured and what the reader is getting out of it. Some folks come here for hard, quick screw stories, but because these are written, I believe they are in the minority. Rather, people who read are looking for stories where the characters learn something and their actions have some value. Personally, I find stories of pointless sex less interesting. If you can imagine anything why stop at: she was drunk, I screwed her, the end... Vs. The Inn by IanSaulWhitcomb

With that in mind, here are a few of my favorites (but there are hundreds more to learn from)

A God Called Bruce
Celestial Matters & Celestial Wars - Noble_Truth
God of Mischief and Lies - Loki finds something that he can't control (excellent writing!)
Life as a New Hire - FinalStand
Lustrum Academy for Troubled Youth
Malcubus - A succubus with a wry attitude
Necromancer Chronicles
Sable and The Supers
The Designer - HankDolworth
The Fallen - Great teen inner dialogue
The Succubae Seduction - DBS_BRO
Threads: The Island - JammyJimmy
Transformation - Chromex
Upon a Savage Shore - RipperFish

If you are interested in writing stories, I would also suggest buying a copy of "Save the Cat" from Amazon for about $5 used. It's a uninspiring name, but its just about the best, easy to understand book on story structure and can be read in an afternoon. Good Luck!

She was not the first or the last girlfriend to fuck her boyfriend's roommate

The world needs cheating girlfroends (and cheating wives). If they did not exist, they should be invented.

Unlike some hen i read sex stories i do not pay attention to the sentence structure.

Well at least the boyfriend found out he has a slut for a girlfriend.

And a asshole for a roommate, those problems are easy to fix, flush them both and move on.

Appalling writing, and since when was a girlfriend a wife?

My 2 Cents

She decided to wear a very sexy and revealing black skirt that showed off both her breasts and ass very well.
You do know that a skirt starts at the waist and goes down from there - it has nothing to do with her oh so perfect breasts

Just a girlfriend...and not even a committed one...

Just a girlfriend...and not even a committed one...And not even a hot fuck...And what now? Who will assume her future child? I think that no one...one more single mother in the world...So why is this story here? Since when a slightly girlfriend can compare to a wife? 1*

wife?

no wife just a whore girlfriend who cheated on boyfriend first chance she got. perfect tits and body, total bullshit no one has a perfect body

Three friends and I would rent a ski house every year and one would always bring his hot girlfriend who was very cool but this was a guy thing for us. They had gotten engaged the summer before and he took her up this last time again . Well we all we out and got totally wasted . Some how he wound up in the front of the cab with her and her skirt in the back with us. For the next 40 minute ride we totally felt her up fingered her ass and pussy while she rubbed our dicks that we had out.she told him she was tired and laid across us while they fingered her she was quietly sucking another dick. At the house and shots continued and clothes started coming off. With her just sitting in his lap one walked up to her and put his dick in her mouth. All on viagra fucked the living shit out of her until the sun came up. Himself and three of his bridal party fucked his future wife in her mouth pussy and ass for hours . The wedding was called off even though they really loved each other he just couldn't stay with her. We couldn't blame him at one point we made her air tight and just kept switching places . We had Mimi videos and some great pics but never showed anyone but each other. We remained Frieda with her because it was a very drunk mistake on her part but with her future marriage as the cost. True story

First class disposable stroke story

Thus hearkened back to crazy, college days where stuff just happens spontaneously. But apparantly less so for tightly wrapped critics of this amusing and pretty hot bit of fluff. Life goes on.

Wrong Category**

Thanks for the read.

Why?

Why is it necessary to talk about birth control at the beginning of a romp, and say don't worry about it, and at the end of a romp, and say, "oh well, I might get pregnant because of what we just did. Weren't the possibilities the same at the beginning and at the end?

Fantasy Land...

Sexymeup, I think you go too far by claiming that the author's depiction of his two main characters in this delightful short story is impossibly perfect. I beg to differ. It has been my experience that a visit to fantasyland will reward you with perfect examples of both male and female of the human species no matter what your definition of the word 'perfect' maybe. And never forget that the biggest most receptive sexual organ is your mind. Have lots of fun and don't worry about STD or unwanted pregnancy, they don't exist in Fantasy Land!