- All
Comments (6) - Add a
Comment - Send
Feedback Send private anonymous feedback to the author (click here to post a public comment instead).
| Literotica Toy Store ADULT TOY & DVD STORE FAST & DISCREET |
Literotica XXX Webcams 24/7 LIVE CAMS - FREE PREVIEW W/AUDIO! |
Literotica Adult Movies STREAMING ADULT MOVIES PAY PER MINUTE |
Where IS the story??
There is no story yet. And not even much in the way of character development.
Um...
Setting? Story? Plot? Author warning that this was simply a short prologue?
Problems
Lots of grammar errors, changing tenses, etc. Also, either say "9 AM" or "9 in the morning" "9 AM in the morning" is redundant
..
On accident? Or by accident?
Promising
In the first chapter I dont really know what is going on besides just a typical morning routine. What I recommend is hammering out a good and basic plot, then you just write from that outline, but always make sure things match. If character A was in love with Character B and then in the next chapter Character B hated Character A suddenly it wouldn't make any sense. I do think it has a lot of promise and I hope you add to it.
Click here to leave your own comment on this submission! or
Back to The Future of Society Pt. 01 or
More submissions by AuthorWriterInfinite.