Your story has promise, but needs working on, especially in terms of grammar. It is full of run-on sentences, missing words and stupid mistakes like "who's" instead of "whose".
by
Anonymous08/16/16
Not exciting
Sorry, but for me it never works to jump straight into description of sexual action.
As a reader I need to be lead into it by creating some relational excitement/tension that makes my mind and body start to tingle before any action can lead to a lift-off. Without it I'm left cold at the launch platform. At least indicating where am I (and preferably who am I) and why am I there, or who are the persons I'm together with and what are my current relations/emotions to them.
If the 'I' of the story is standing tbere with two persons around her and ready to be blindfolded and disrobed without truly knowing who is everybody around her and without really knowing what's going to happen, something has lead up to this situation and it likely has created some excitement for 'I'. Use some sentences initially to convey that excitement and suspense before you let any action trigger further escalation.
English
Get an editor
Your story has promise, but needs working on, especially in terms of grammar. It is full of run-on sentences, missing words and stupid mistakes like "who's" instead of "whose".
Not exciting
Sorry, but for me it never works to jump straight into description of sexual action.
As a reader I need to be lead into it by creating some relational excitement/tension that makes my mind and body start to tingle before any action can lead to a lift-off. Without it I'm left cold at the launch platform. At least indicating where am I (and preferably who am I) and why am I there, or who are the persons I'm together with and what are my current relations/emotions to them.
If the 'I' of the story is standing tbere with two persons around her and ready to be blindfolded and disrobed without truly knowing who is everybody around her and without really knowing what's going to happen, something has lead up to this situation and it likely has created some excitement for 'I'. Use some sentences initially to convey that excitement and suspense before you let any action trigger further escalation.
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