All Comments on 'True Lies - Redux Ch. 12'

Next time, if you're going to write a long winded, never ending story, post it in novels/novellas, or better still NON-EROTIC. Still no end in sight after you said a few chapters ago, one or 2 more...

...philosophical/political gabfest, the story loses its pace and the reader gets tired. You need to wrap it up.

The author must have fallen off the wagon and started writing incoherent garbage that sounded great in his inebriated state.

I have persevered with this story but the political technical and speculative morass into which it has sunk leaves me unable to stay until the end. This is sad as it started of as a good read.

Enjoying the story. The inclusion of the politics and history fits well. If this story isn't your cup of tea, stop reading. Looking foward to more action and adventure.

This is heading south. Not the content of the story but the story itself. I enjoyed the first number of chapters a great deal. This chapter was a disappointment.

I think this pseudo-intellectualism that preaches someone's own perverted sense of the world. Call me a romantic but your leaning toward another love can't win story and you forgot the title category you submitted this too. But don't mind me I like BTB much better but was hoping for reconciliation not chaos theory.

Great chapter, perhaps a little heavy and intellectualized in parts, but not a bad thing to occasionally raise the level of reading on this site. Keep at it, very enjoyable story.

The real story was overshadowed by background info. Should have been longer.

Less and less interesting. Ad nauseam.

The philosophical treatises go on to long. Make them short and concise thoughts. Not long meandering lectures. And try and get back to the real story. Nice job of putting in recent events though. Adds some realism to it.

It's all over the place.period end of comment.

...I found myself skipping entire chapters with just a glance. I am not into writing critiques of authors and stories and try to just enjoy their basic premises, but it was an effort to finish this one...enough so that I felt like I should say something. The last page or so was good!

I meant "entire paragraphs" not "chapters."

I was trying to follow this to the end, whenever this 'writer' decided to finally end it, but have skipped whole paragraphs in the last few chapters, I'm done, too much unnecessary filler and its gone on too long.

It's still a good story, even after 12 chapters. It seems, though, that every time it looks to be wrapping up in the next chapter or 2, something else happens that extends the story.

I like the story, but it's getting tedious. Please conclude it soon.

Just too meandering, sidetracking philosophical discourse of no import to the plot, and very little real progress with the plot. So Allie and Rachael will hook up in some form or fashion, and hopefully Jim will just dither away in some Tibetan monastery, contemplating his navel and his cock.

...but your socio-political agenda keeps getting in the way. Are you trying to tell us a story or hustle up a few new believers?

Your description of the public response to the terrorist attack made really good reading .... but ..... From where I am it does seem that attacks, whether terrorist or school massacres never actually seem to end that way. We never seem to hear about the public intervening, virtually always it seems, that police or security forces are the only ones to use their guns. These situations are often used to stop gun control but it doesn't seem to be the truth.

Am I wrong?

Seriously, I'd be interested to hear what others think. Maybe there are other incidents that we don't hereabout over here in Europe.

Otherwise 5 stars by the way.

This was an awkward segue. Lot's of blah blah blah and no real plot development. Different style and I don't like it much. It's been a good story til now.

The last two chapters turned to dribble and totally lost the plot. It should have wound up about 3 chapters ago.

theory on JFK. Great tie in to the story line. As with the Clinton debacle of today, it's going to take the DOJ to get to the bottom.

re:

it's going to take the DOJ to get to the bottom.

--------

They will do as ordered and cover-up/whitewash/obfuscate as needed, then try to make anyone who disagrees look like a crackpot.

Remember that it is 'lead' by a political appointee, who is appointed by a politician and politicians always look to their own interests first.

I admit I wasn't real pleased with this chapter after I had written it and pondered a few days with additional editing before publishing it. But then I thought why not and just learn from the critics...

For those interested in the JFK theory the book to read is at Amazon and called "The Man Who Killed Kennedy:The Case Against LBJ."

At the time of the assassination RFK WAS the head of the DOJ as Attorney General. But then LBJ was his boss as POTUS...and RFK was at least smart enough to not attempt his own actual investigation any deeper than the shallowest level. LBJ had immense power because of his own years controlling so many other Congresscritters before becoming VPOTUS.

The question of private individuals taking out "terrorists" in real life is an interesting one. In real life almost all "successful" terrorist or merely indeed lone wolf psycho mass shootings in the USA DO occur in posted and well known "gun free zones" like that Orlando nightclub. OTOH - when was the last time such mass shootings occurred in some "Redneck bar" where a lot of the patrons are armed? Here is an actual newspaper article addressing this question:

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/volokh-conspiracy/wp/2015/10/03/do-civilians-with-guns-ever-stop-mass-shootings/?utm_term=.deeb34015278

My own scenario is totally fictional, of course - but I like to think it is at least somewhat plausible.

I am really thinking hard about the next chapter and will try to get back on track and really advance the story and maybe just pretty much wrap it up.

it seems a very tortuous road for a Loving Wives story. Great Loving Stories are the ones that explore the angst of the characters and how they deal with it. Whatever interpersonal emotion existing in this tale seemed to have gotten lost in your political 'rants'. So Rachel's going to end up with Allie, just because she's Jewish1? Really!?

Still didn't save his life.

When he was assassinated a few years later the man convicted of killing RFK was in front of him, never less than six feet away.

The shot that killed him left powder burns in the back of his coat.

Still like this story line and will be following it! Thanks for sharing with us!

This whole story could be taken out of today's headlines. Well, if the press decided to look into things. I won't get political. I'll just say that I enjoyed reading this and other stories that you have contributed here.

Until the end, there was ZILCH added to the story development! BJ doesn't really count, nor various psych theories and JFK stuff! The Mall helped a little, I hope!

I really liked this series, but it's losing me. I think you are spending too much time talking politics and that whole lengthy explanation about JFK, just made it slow and tedious. I mainly read on because underneath all that political agenda, there is still a very real struggle for not only their marriage, but also thier lives. I will read on, but can't score higher than 3 for now. Seriously, you spent the first whole page (like 8 standard typed pages) taking about middle east politics....instead of any of the important characters. Keep the story going, and I hope to enjoy more!

Rnebular

I am looking forward to your next installment .

You are losing your focus on the story and consequently, on your audience. Too much irrelevant information/speculation that you probably feel is sort of related to the story line but that is not correct.

Step it up a bit or you will lose more of us.

I like the basic story and its development but you are starting to lose my attention.

Tiny Tim

How far afield you have gotten depends on where you are going. We can't see what is in your head.

at least make it entertaining!

I'm sure there were supposed to be characters in there somewhere...

Of course. Why was I surprised?

We've devolved into full blown Oliver Stone mode now.

Next chapter: Jim explains how the Human Race is devoiding Mother Earth of its natural resources, veering far off the original and noble path the Elders, the alien race that were on this planet before us, had declared we should follow.

Oh. And he and Rachel go out to dinner.

This had the makings of a good story before the political rants and sophomore dorm room philosophizing. Get over it and yourself, or go publish on some right-wing paranoiac blog.

and outgrew Ayn Rand in the seventh.

...literary housekeeping, some non-storytelling to lay groundwork for things to come, and generally are parts of an opus that lose certain readers...dare we say that may suffer from ADD to some degree or other...or perhaps are easily bored and have little or no tolerance for longer stories and the necessity of transitions.

Then there's the biggots, the troglodytes, the self righteous left and the indignant, "so called" (thanks, dad...I owe you for the mileage I'm getting out that one!) intellectuals.

I only take you to task for the too frequent misuse of " 's". It most often connotes possession or ownership. You tend to use it to express plurality. Shame, shame.

But at this late date, I cannot take too harsh a posture....I didn't speak up sooner.

So, although I may or may not agree with you positional statements on everything you exposit, I will defend with my life, your right to say. And you do it so well!

So. Let them rail, let them whine, let them shout and call you names.

You just carry on and finish what you started.

I, for one, already consider this work among those that have held the minds and hearts of readers everywhere for a very, very long time. Really. With so,e polish for consumption by the general populous, this might even be publishable.

Thank you.

Oooh! A $5 word! You sound so proud of yourself.

And publishable? I'm sorry. No disrespect to the author intended but that's laughable. Frankly, there isn't that much actual story here. No guts. Just lots of filler, which people are responding to. And any editor worth their salt would delete a solid 70% of it.

There are three major problems with all the lecturing / philosophizing:

1) It drags the story down to a snails pace.

2) It's condescending. The author comes across as someone who thinks they know it all and is lecturing to us plebes, simply because he read a book or two. It's insulting.

3) It's boring. Not the story. The chaff. None of this is truly interesting or fascinating. They're poorly thought out theories, or versions of history. Perhaps some find it interesting, but generally, tangents need to hold the reader's attention just as much as the actual story. In this case, it's like listening to Ben Stein lecture about Voodoo Economics (Anyone? Anyone?) and we are the kid drooling on the desk.

People are reacting so harshly and vocally because this author has talent and imagination. It's like dealing with a kid with so much potential who is squandering it. It's frustrating. You know how good this could have been, so it's painful to see what has happened instead. The critics are actually complementing the author. The author would be wise to see that and take the constructive criticism to heart. Or not as it seems he is doing. Shame that.

When will the next chapter coming out?

He went from posting stories, on average, a couple of times a week. After posting the last chapter of True Lies with all its government involved subplots,he seems to have disappeared for the last 6 weeks. I'm hoping either he has stepped back to untangle the threads that is true lies so he can continue the story or that life got in the way or he is on vacation.

True Lies is not finished.

I am working (slowly) on the next chapter and will try to pretty much end this particular episode in the Jim and Rachel "rogue" NSA/CIA agents Universe with this next chapter however long it turns out being. But I really do hope a whole 'nother book's worth might follow in the near future - after the election and when we all know which way the government is headed. (IMHO, it will be bad or worse. :-( I'll try to continue weaving current events right in to this fictional universe. "Try" being the key concept.)

I have been on vacation which has interfered in my writing. My wife bought a 24 foot pontoon boat and I've been relegated to trucker (trailerer), launcher, and captain - as she wishes. I guess I am kind of a "kept man" in many ways. After all, she still works and makes the big bucks and I am "just" a retired man of leisure...

And then I did get sick with one of those damn summer colds after we got back home to Atlanta from Destin, and anti-histamines make my brain all fuzzy. What I HAVE written will need a lot of self-editing as well.

I wish I could give an accurate forecast when the next chapter will be submitted but I honestly can't right now and hate making any commitments time wise that I might not make. I WILL try to include a brief recap of everything right up front when it is posted, just to refresh everyone's memory on key characters, events and emotions to date in the story.

Thank you to everyone still evincing interest.

Seriously. This should be under non erotic or boring as bat shit. Far too much emphasis on retrograde storylines and not enough interest in the story to maintain credible cognisant storyline. The author is confusing himself as well as any readers he may have had.

What Anonymous (6-17-16) said. You sure lost me as a reader. If you can't finish a story don't start it. d)< ;

I liked this series, but it came to a crashing end. I fear something bad must have happened to justbobkc as it's been almost 9 months with no updates after having made regular updates for so long. I guess we'll never know what happens to Jim,Rachael and the others...

Ch 12 was so out of context with the previous chapters - just a story thread in the cloud. Get off the brick and write a proper ending.

Loved every chapter , I intend to read every post by this writer

actually a very bad ending. No closure for the main character unbelievable

a damn good story. You really let yourself and your readers down. I feel more cheated than all of M M's cucked hubbys put together. Rewrite a proper ending for gods sake.

This WAS a great story. Then for some reason you decided to fill it with artificially inserted philosophizing, rhetoric, and personal interpretations of historical events. You are obviously very bright, and a gifted storyteller. It's just a shame you didn't follow this one to its end. I hope someday you decide to do so.

Do an ending rewrite, and a finalization for the main characters.

How can you write such an interesting story and then NOT reach a conclusion? I agree with other Writers. This story mandates that you tie it up with a complete ending. Otherwise it was a waste of everyone's time in reading it and your time writing it.

everything about this series. Would be very grateful for a conclusion.

Side note : sometimes I jump to comments at the end to get a feel for the story. Wish I had here.

I agree with anon 10/10. Leaving a story like you did is wrong. I almost feel like I wasted my time. Certainly will not look at any more of your stuff. And, I won't bother to come back to see if you finish it.

An interesting question as to why a hobby porn writing site is so infested with right wing views. In this story the author rants extensively against first world "socialistic" sexual mores, which in his view are bringing down civilization. Strange attitude for an author spending his nights crafting stories on a pornography site. Ah, well, human beings are complex and many faceted.

Forensic Fossil can bite me. Just another Socialist scumbag. Ironically I read his comments at the same time the news was showing the latest Jihadi killings in NYC. Filthy little murder got into the country from Kazakhstan of all places on a diversity visa. Only the left could create such a program. He has since brought 36 more of his friends here. He uses a truck to mow down innocent bicyclists, yells Allhua Akhbar and tells everyone he is doing this in the name of ISIS and the traitors in the media ask, "what is his motivation?". Then they start to warn of the backlash against Muslims (which never comes) but don't worry too much about the victims.

Even after this, I don't hate all Muslims, or even the majority of them (that's just leftist propaganda), but I sure do hate the religion. It is violent and driven by hate. I cannot understand the left jumping to the defense of a religion who if ever got world domination, would wipe out the gays in the first few days. They would take away all freedoms from women and then hunt down the atheists! They will march themselves into the ovens. Useful idiots they are.

Sorry, ScorpioJJ. I believe this is as finished as it's going to get.

Which is to say not at all. Justbobkc hasn't even commented on this story in more than a year. He's either suffering a massive writers block or has just lost interest in this story line. I'm personally suspecting the latter, as he's published several stories since this last chapter was posted.

Sad!

Leaving your readers hanging. After devoting days to reading the first 12 parts, to not have a conclusion is a criminal offense.

It creates a complete lack of trust and extreme disappointment. Why would I even start another story when I can not be sure it will ever be finished?

Soon, please. You've written since this chapter.

Please, keep going!

Ch 12 covers necessary gaps, but doesn’t approach anything resembling a conclusion. WTF?

Just a story? About nearly believable real people? Without injecting your smugly superior political agenda? Please?

This is the final chapter? There's no completion for Jim and Rachel. Does Rachel cheat with Allie? Does Jim forgive Rachel and live as a CUCK forever?

Please give this story some closure. Maybe less history lesson...

What happened? Are we never to find out what happened to Jim and Rachel? I agree with some of the other commenters that all the history and theology was a bit much, but I suffered through all that, because the story was really interesting. Now I get to the end????? And find there is no end , and it’s been a while since you published a chapter. Please finish it. Don’t rush it though. It deserves a good ending after all the hell you put the main characters through.

The writer is racist and incites hatred of Muslims, and he tries in this story to show Muslims as monsters or as bad people, and this is an unreal and racist description.

Too much extraneous information detracted from what could have been a brilliant story.

Fuck you anonymous sack of shit.

Learn what racism actually is before you open your inbred mouth.

Too long, too fragmented, to much pseudo intellectual drivel, incomplete and too many jarring grammar and word usage errors. Interesting tale, though

Hmm...when all else fails cry racism. Muslim isn't a race it's a religion, so sorry not racism. You really have taken thd blue pill haven't you?

Enjoyed the first few chapters and then you started adding too many characters. The story went off the rails when it became all political. Recommend you do an outline before and stick to it. This is LW not a political forum.

What a disappointing ending. What happened to the MCs they just disappeared

Oh well, good story ruined at the end 3/5

So what happened to Jim and Rachel, where's the end of the story?

He wears the end of the story!

You can't leave a story like this hanging as you have this is just awful.

I pray you are working on finishing the story and haven't just gotten lazy and quit.

If you've done that I'm through reading your stuff.

Please finish the d*** story! FTDS!!

Entertaining story!!! Shitty that there isn’t a conclusion.

Where is the rest of the story???

only a stupid ass hole wouldnt finish the story, I rated it a 1 only because it doesnt have negative numbers. You had better be dead as that is the only excuse for wasting my time with this ...........................

What kind of clown just abandons a story like this? The author was publishion Lit years after this episode.

His contempt for his readers is jaw dropping.

I could overlook the bullshit political diatribes, but just ending the story like this shows a true disregard for your readers. This doesn’t convince me you have any insight into the “problems” you address, it just convinces me you have a need for us to acknowledge your conclusions as just and proper. Sorry, I’ll have to pass.

You could have ended this series in another chapter or two. Why why why not?

You've posted several times since, and not moved anthing to patron, et. al. What gives?

I just read this again. I'm assuming they locked you up or some sort of Alien Abduction occurred to end your writing.

Uh, ending?