The first time, it was interesting. The second time it was a bit irritating. The third time, it's obviously a gimmick. Either this writer doesn't know the meaning of a paragraph break, doesn't know how to make a paragraph or likes writing gimmicks. This felt like being dragged up the hill of a very old roller coaster by a jerky chain. Stops and starts that make no sense and make it a pain to read. I have literary whiplash. I'm sure I'll be the lone dissenting voice, but it's just like sand in your underwear.
Writing gimmicks? I suppose - not that I noticed. I find white space useful - there is a graphic element to writing, even the electronic kind.
I am amused - at least this time something happens. And, I do like edgy characters.
The only bummer was the notes at the end - a drifting POV, was-it-real-or-was-it-Memorex, didn't sit well. If you ask your characters something, are you listening to voices in your head?
after all of the stale cuck bullshit that is apparently the norm for this site now. The idea that a red-headed woman could be that wild, violent and out of control is very believable. The situation that you wrote her into would be one that would drive a family oriented person insane.
Well written, ain't Gone With The Wind, but what is? And the price was right. So, thanks for sharing your talent with me, can't speak for anyone else. Gave you 5 stars, which for me is unusual, but I think that was 5 stars well spent.
I actually had to go back and take a look at the text to see what all the fuss was about with the extra white space. So, I'm either hopelessly unobservant (which is a distinctly viable possibility), or perhaps just plain so caught up in the story that nothing else mattered. Isn't that what a really good story (by a really good writer) SHOUD do? For me, this was not quite up there with the best-of-the-best on LW (and certainly more concise than the high fliers usually are - extra kudos for that!), but really, REALLY close. Guess I'll have at round up to a FIVE anyway!
By the way, I loved your postscript comments. I can see why you write with such impact. I love the relationship you have with your protagonists. I appreciate the insight into your process.
by
Anonymous08/15/16
What a fun read!
Nikki was great. What a firecracker!
As far as your author's note goes, I'd like to say that this was an appropriate and satisfying level of BTB. Justice was fully served, in an entertaining way. The people complaining about BTB fans demanding (or even desiring) death or dismemberment for a cheating wife are exaggerating for dramatic effect.
Well you did say you had much fun writing this , and I REALLY had much fun reading this , so let's strike a bargain Todd172 , you write more of these, and I'll read the sh*t out of it !
I thought at first I wasn't really going to care for the ol' spouse swap ( never really cared for those storylines before) but the way you wrote Nikki , I wound up thinking that he definitely got the better of it. She really did bring that old cliché that half crazy girls are better in bed to full life , in Technicolor !
Seriously enjoyed this. So far you're batting a thousand with this reader.
5 *'s
P.S. I enjoy your post story comments. You are the one who birthed this baby , you do what YOU want. You seem to be doing it very well indeed.
Yes, the best women are always a little bit crazy! They are the women that have ideals, standards and refuse to compromise. Unfortunately the world doesn't care and will do it's best to break them. Some of these women are strong enough to fight back, but there is a cost. In their desperate battle to survive, they appear to be crazy, harpies bent on destruction. Calm them down, befriend them, and you will have made a powerful ally in this world of shit.
I liked this story because it sort of defines the two most common "types" of people that I come across. Those that understand love and commitment and those that do not get it. It is not that Beth and Justin are trying to hurt anyone, they just don't care about anyone except themselves. In fact, they do not care about each other. If they did, they'd never encourage the other to cheat on their family. People who throw their kids future's away for illicit sex are a combination of a lack of intelligence and lowly selfishness.
One thing I will take issue with that is common in many of these stories is the benevolent husband telling his slut wife that she is/was a good mother? WTF? Good parents do not cheat on their kids and their kids other parent! No, cheaters are NEVER good parents! If only because of the poor choices and poor examples they have set. The best thing you can do for you kid is to keep them away from that sack of shit. The cheater will spend the rest of the kids childhood justifying and minimizing their cheating. If you don't believe me, take a good look at a person who's parent cheated them out of their childhood.
Todd172, in my humble opinion this story is as close to ideal as any I've read here! It wasn't too short or too long, the protagonists are far from perfect people in the religious or PC interpretations, but they are perfectly depicted from a basic human point of view. Thank you very much for this effort and I look forward to many more.
Excellent, original story with strong characters and unexpected developments.
But, beyond that, some of the lines were the best ever:
- she wasn't a partner so much as an accelerant on an open flame
- that glittering edge of true madness
- Nikki wasn't very stable and had the temperament of a half feral Doberman pinscher
- All of this shit with Beth and Justin had broken something important, one of those sanity fences we have had been trampled down
- what if I can't stop ... what if I can't find my way back?
The writing was superb and the characters felt real in their actions and language with an ending that didn't feel forced to meet an author's desired resolution. A very rare treat on this site, that (I'm looking at you RACC authors).
The race for the 2016 Literotica Rookie of the Year award is over -- and it's only August! I have yet to click on a Todd172 story and be disappointed. I've also yet to click on one of his stories and think, "I know exactly what this story will be about" before I even begin to read it. I am impressed that he decided to write this story despite his aversion to this type of story. That speaks volumes, IMHO.
The revenge aspect of this story was a little too convenient. If Asshole wasn't cooking the books, there would have been no revenge. I suppose you can always find some dirt on everyone to use as blackmail, but this just felt like a little too much of a stretch. Still, the character development -- especially Nikki -- completely overwhelmed any flaws in this story.
As for the writing style, I was not as distracted by the one-sentence paragraphs or sentences beginning with conjunctions as I was on the last story. At least, it wasn't as noticeable. Kimi is just a miserable person who can't help but criticize every story she reads (unless it's by one of her three favorite authors.) Interestingly enough, one of those three authors lectured us in the comments section of Todd's last story, explaining that grammatical rules are for grade schoolers. I hope this doesn't result in a lover's quarrel between Kimi and her bestie.
Todd, keep stretching those literary muscles. I look forward to seeing which genre you tackle next.
I absolutely loved the Nikki character and by the way, the whole story. Really nice to see someone that can actually write and entertain the reader along the way. So, obviously I gave you five stars and was looking for a way to enhance that rating. Maybe the scene where she bit the guy in the parking lot was a bit over the top, but it certainly did wonders for developing her as more than a bit crazy. You ended the story with a bit of authors dialog, but it seems clear that Nikki has her hooks set into him and is not letting go. Still, the thought of living with her when the sex driven attraction wears off is a bit unsettling.
The more stories of yours that I read, the more I am impressed with your ability to write imperfect people. It gives your stories more realism and takes me deeper into the tale.
Nikki was insane, but damn if I didn't love and cheer for her. The btb was perfect for this story, and having Beth watch as Nikki has more influence over the children is going to be a long, slow torture for her.
This was the boilerplate BTB, with an edge, which made if fun. Yes, the wife cheated, he got the photos on a digital camera he had to use film in and have developed, caught her and lover boy in a crime allowing him to have leverage in a divorce, banged the lover's wife, who had bigger tits than his wife, got custody of the kids, got into great shape, had incredible sex (including anal!), surprised the couple that he knew they were cheating even though they would spend entire nights together and they went out clubbing as a couple, sent proof to all relatives and friends of wife, and lived happily ever after. This covered pretty much every important facet of the basic BTB story. It proves that you can follow the formula and produce an interesting product. It also demonstrates how poorly most are written. I never noticed the short paragraphs, conjunctions, or split infinitives and dangling participles at all, and I am some what of a critic on that stuff. The story flowed, so I liked it. The writer followed the BTB rules so that crowd will be happy. He wrote an interesting story, so most of the rest of us should be happy. Well played.
I am not a fan of the writer adding his thoughts to the end of a story. A story creates a world of its own and the breaking of that world with random, and totally unnecessary thoughts and feelings does not improve the tale.
by
Anonymous08/15/16
Liked it.
All good elements of a BTB story.c
by
Anonymous08/15/16
Good Stuff!
I think that his intent was more self preservation than btb. He would have been bent over and splintered otherwise.
My only complaint would be to have a longer telling. I wanted more details of their getting together, as well as the interactions with Beth, just to make it more emotional.
Just a fun, sexy, BTBitch/Bastard story! I love that they burned both the cheaters. Do another one any time. 5 Stars! PS: Redheads are crazier than most!
He will be fine as long as he doesn't cheat on her. Then she would kill him. Or worse. She is nutty but she's fiercely loyal and she brings home the occasional cream puff to share.
"The furious redhead - Nicole, Nikki for short - wanted me to stop it." - Why does she expect HIM to stop it? Why can't she? Why isn't she confronting the cheaters?
Why can't Nikki throw the asshole out? Doesn't she have the same advantage over him as Beth has over him?
"she controls access to the kids." - Since when? Custody is decided by the courts. Yes, I've read all the stories here about exes fucking up visitation, but she can be found in contempt if she plays too many games.
"Most of his pay is under the table." - If he isn't declaring his real income, a call to the IRS can take care of that! Presumably they're spending more money than their declared income, tax evasion should be easy to prove. If the cousin has to choose between Justin and the IRS he'll roll over so fast he'll spin!
"I can't believe you can't control your slut" - I'm sure this exchange is supposed to be humorous, but why can't she control her asshole? And why should SHE have to sleep elsewhere, let Justin sleep on the couch or wherever?
"if I didn't get her out of here quick, we'd both be in jail by morning." - Why? YOU were attacked!
"the retribution for any bullshit would be a quick trip to prison." - How? Presumably all the evidence has been restored, if you DO still have evidence, and don't reveal it, YOU could be in trouble for obstruction of justice.
re:
"she controls access to the kids." - Since when? Custody is decided by the courts. Yes, I've read all the stories here about exes fucking up visitation, but she can be found in contempt if she plays too many games.
-------------------------------------
Excep t for the fact that in many, many jurisdictions the courts do little to nothing to enforce the court ordered access for a father.
The ex-wife can ignore his visitation at will and most likely he will be given a 'so what?' kind of response.
Again you have written another great story that blew us away. I can relate to how passionate a kinda crazy woman is. Mine came after me with a bat one day and two days later was so passionate towards me. The ones that care are always crazy and passionate. I'd have it no other way. Great story my friend! 5stars.
English
Okay, enough
The first time, it was interesting. The second time it was a bit irritating. The third time, it's obviously a gimmick. Either this writer doesn't know the meaning of a paragraph break, doesn't know how to make a paragraph or likes writing gimmicks. This felt like being dragged up the hill of a very old roller coaster by a jerky chain. Stops and starts that make no sense and make it a pain to read. I have literary whiplash. I'm sure I'll be the lone dissenting voice, but it's just like sand in your underwear.
Snort -
Writing gimmicks? I suppose - not that I noticed. I find white space useful - there is a graphic element to writing, even the electronic kind.
I am amused - at least this time something happens. And, I do like edgy characters.
The only bummer was the notes at the end - a drifting POV, was-it-real-or-was-it-Memorex, didn't sit well. If you ask your characters something, are you listening to voices in your head?
But again, it may be only me.
I'll keep reading if you keep writing.
Thanks,
Green-something
I found this little tale to be oddly refreshing
after all of the stale cuck bullshit that is apparently the norm for this site now. The idea that a red-headed woman could be that wild, violent and out of control is very believable. The situation that you wrote her into would be one that would drive a family oriented person insane.
Well written, ain't Gone With The Wind, but what is? And the price was right. So, thanks for sharing your talent with me, can't speak for anyone else. Gave you 5 stars, which for me is unusual, but I think that was 5 stars well spent.
Engrossing
I actually had to go back and take a look at the text to see what all the fuss was about with the extra white space. So, I'm either hopelessly unobservant (which is a distinctly viable possibility), or perhaps just plain so caught up in the story that nothing else mattered. Isn't that what a really good story (by a really good writer) SHOUD do? For me, this was not quite up there with the best-of-the-best on LW (and certainly more concise than the high fliers usually are - extra kudos for that!), but really, REALLY close. Guess I'll have at round up to a FIVE anyway!
Still chuckling
"...like an accelerant on an open flame..." I laughed out loud. Still smiling. ***** Thanks, great way to start the week on Monday morning.
Final comments
By the way, I loved your postscript comments. I can see why you write with such impact. I love the relationship you have with your protagonists. I appreciate the insight into your process.
What a fun read!
Nikki was great. What a firecracker!
As far as your author's note goes, I'd like to say that this was an appropriate and satisfying level of BTB. Justice was fully served, in an entertaining way. The people complaining about BTB fans demanding (or even desiring) death or dismemberment for a cheating wife are exaggerating for dramatic effect.
Well, for the most part.
Thanks for an excellent story.
Cog
Please , some more !
Well you did say you had much fun writing this , and I REALLY had much fun reading this , so let's strike a bargain Todd172 , you write more of these, and I'll read the sh*t out of it !
I thought at first I wasn't really going to care for the ol' spouse swap ( never really cared for those storylines before) but the way you wrote Nikki , I wound up thinking that he definitely got the better of it. She really did bring that old cliché that half crazy girls are better in bed to full life , in Technicolor !
Seriously enjoyed this. So far you're batting a thousand with this reader.
5 *'s
P.S. I enjoy your post story comments. You are the one who birthed this baby , you do what YOU want. You seem to be doing it very well indeed.
THE HARPY STRIKES BACK
and woe to those who stand in her way TK U MLJ LV NV
Strange, Twisted and Great
Yes, the best women are always a little bit crazy! They are the women that have ideals, standards and refuse to compromise. Unfortunately the world doesn't care and will do it's best to break them. Some of these women are strong enough to fight back, but there is a cost. In their desperate battle to survive, they appear to be crazy, harpies bent on destruction. Calm them down, befriend them, and you will have made a powerful ally in this world of shit.
I liked this story because it sort of defines the two most common "types" of people that I come across. Those that understand love and commitment and those that do not get it. It is not that Beth and Justin are trying to hurt anyone, they just don't care about anyone except themselves. In fact, they do not care about each other. If they did, they'd never encourage the other to cheat on their family. People who throw their kids future's away for illicit sex are a combination of a lack of intelligence and lowly selfishness.
One thing I will take issue with that is common in many of these stories is the benevolent husband telling his slut wife that she is/was a good mother? WTF? Good parents do not cheat on their kids and their kids other parent! No, cheaters are NEVER good parents! If only because of the poor choices and poor examples they have set. The best thing you can do for you kid is to keep them away from that sack of shit. The cheater will spend the rest of the kids childhood justifying and minimizing their cheating. If you don't believe me, take a good look at a person who's parent cheated them out of their childhood.
Thank you for an amazing read and a great start to the week.
Wow!
Todd172, in my humble opinion this story is as close to ideal as any I've read here! It wasn't too short or too long, the protagonists are far from perfect people in the religious or PC interpretations, but they are perfectly depicted from a basic human point of view. Thank you very much for this effort and I look forward to many more.
Great lines!
Excellent, original story with strong characters and unexpected developments.
But, beyond that, some of the lines were the best ever:
- she wasn't a partner so much as an accelerant on an open flame
- that glittering edge of true madness
- Nikki wasn't very stable and had the temperament of a half feral Doberman pinscher
- All of this shit with Beth and Justin had broken something important, one of those sanity fences we have had been trampled down
- what if I can't stop ... what if I can't find my way back?
That was fun!
Thanks for the ride.
IT WAS A BTB
I enjoy your take on life.
Wow!
Just Wow! A hell of a crazy-fun romp.
The writing was superb and the characters felt real in their actions and language with an ending that didn't feel forced to meet an author's desired resolution. A very rare treat on this site, that (I'm looking at you RACC authors).
Loved It!
Great story, enjoyed the hell out of it!
5 Gold Stars
All the elements woven into and outstanding tale. Thank you.
Wow! What a hellatious ride of a story! 5*++
That was awesome.
One of the best stories I have read in a while.
Deliciously sweet revenge
This tasty treat was a true reward in both the tale itself and the charcters introduced.
5/5
Rookie of the Year
The race for the 2016 Literotica Rookie of the Year award is over -- and it's only August! I have yet to click on a Todd172 story and be disappointed. I've also yet to click on one of his stories and think, "I know exactly what this story will be about" before I even begin to read it. I am impressed that he decided to write this story despite his aversion to this type of story. That speaks volumes, IMHO.
The revenge aspect of this story was a little too convenient. If Asshole wasn't cooking the books, there would have been no revenge. I suppose you can always find some dirt on everyone to use as blackmail, but this just felt like a little too much of a stretch. Still, the character development -- especially Nikki -- completely overwhelmed any flaws in this story.
As for the writing style, I was not as distracted by the one-sentence paragraphs or sentences beginning with conjunctions as I was on the last story. At least, it wasn't as noticeable. Kimi is just a miserable person who can't help but criticize every story she reads (unless it's by one of her three favorite authors.) Interestingly enough, one of those three authors lectured us in the comments section of Todd's last story, explaining that grammatical rules are for grade schoolers. I hope this doesn't result in a lover's quarrel between Kimi and her bestie.
Todd, keep stretching those literary muscles. I look forward to seeing which genre you tackle next.
Fun
I think that says it all: FUN!
Now that was FUN
Not a big BTB fan but this was real fun in a nice red neck way.
I will return whenever I see your name again.
Nice.
Very nice. Loved some of your descriptions: Half-feral doberman; accelerant on an open fire. Good job!
I absolutely loved the Nikki character and by the way, the whole story. Really nice to see someone that can actually write and entertain the reader along the way. So, obviously I gave you five stars and was looking for a way to enhance that rating. Maybe the scene where she bit the guy in the parking lot was a bit over the top, but it certainly did wonders for developing her as more than a bit crazy. You ended the story with a bit of authors dialog, but it seems clear that Nikki has her hooks set into him and is not letting go. Still, the thought of living with her when the sex driven attraction wears off is a bit unsettling.
The perfectly imperfect people
The more stories of yours that I read, the more I am impressed with your ability to write imperfect people. It gives your stories more realism and takes me deeper into the tale.
Nikki was insane, but damn if I didn't love and cheer for her. The btb was perfect for this story, and having Beth watch as Nikki has more influence over the children is going to be a long, slow torture for her.
As usual, 5 stars and thank you for writing.
This writer has yet to disappoint.
This was the boilerplate BTB, with an edge, which made if fun. Yes, the wife cheated, he got the photos on a digital camera he had to use film in and have developed, caught her and lover boy in a crime allowing him to have leverage in a divorce, banged the lover's wife, who had bigger tits than his wife, got custody of the kids, got into great shape, had incredible sex (including anal!), surprised the couple that he knew they were cheating even though they would spend entire nights together and they went out clubbing as a couple, sent proof to all relatives and friends of wife, and lived happily ever after. This covered pretty much every important facet of the basic BTB story. It proves that you can follow the formula and produce an interesting product. It also demonstrates how poorly most are written. I never noticed the short paragraphs, conjunctions, or split infinitives and dangling participles at all, and I am some what of a critic on that stuff. The story flowed, so I liked it. The writer followed the BTB rules so that crowd will be happy. He wrote an interesting story, so most of the rest of us should be happy. Well played.
I will say that
I am not a fan of the writer adding his thoughts to the end of a story. A story creates a world of its own and the breaking of that world with random, and totally unnecessary thoughts and feelings does not improve the tale.
Liked it.
All good elements of a BTB story.c
Good Stuff!
I think that his intent was more self preservation than btb. He would have been bent over and splintered otherwise.
Excellent
You are the finest new writer on Literotica since DanielQSteele graced us with his presence. Thank you!
1 Complaint
My only complaint would be to have a longer telling. I wanted more details of their getting together, as well as the interactions with Beth, just to make it more emotional.
not true classic boilerplate
In a true boilerplate LW story the cheated on husband is a saint and the cheated on wife is a beautiful angel, both flawless paragons of humanity.
These two had flaws, very interesting flaws.
Oh yeah!
Great tale! Love Nikki as much as the plot. No need for a sequel, but other stories featuring Nikki would be welcome by me!
Awesome 5*
And yes I'll join anyone rooting for Nikki. She has some "interesting" traits!
Wohooooo
That was one of the best I've read on this site. Love love love!!!
Nikki is a nut job ,wonderful story..
Can they make it work if he slips and she bite his face off.
Kudos
The relationship between Nikki and the protagonist was white hot.
just fun!
Just a fun, sexy, BTBitch/Bastard story! I love that they burned both the cheaters. Do another one any time. 5 Stars! PS: Redheads are crazier than most!
Very Entertaining Read****
Thanks for sharing.
Enjoyed it
Very well written. Five stars.
Very well written
Perhaps in a follow on story Nikki will bring Beth over as a "treat". A very entertaining story - Thanks
Nice
He will be fine as long as he doesn't cheat on her. Then she would kill him. Or worse. She is nutty but she's fiercely loyal and she brings home the occasional cream puff to share.
Thoughts
As usual, I'm writing these as I go.
"The furious redhead - Nicole, Nikki for short - wanted me to stop it." - Why does she expect HIM to stop it? Why can't she? Why isn't she confronting the cheaters?
Why can't Nikki throw the asshole out? Doesn't she have the same advantage over him as Beth has over him?
"she controls access to the kids." - Since when? Custody is decided by the courts. Yes, I've read all the stories here about exes fucking up visitation, but she can be found in contempt if she plays too many games.
"Most of his pay is under the table." - If he isn't declaring his real income, a call to the IRS can take care of that! Presumably they're spending more money than their declared income, tax evasion should be easy to prove. If the cousin has to choose between Justin and the IRS he'll roll over so fast he'll spin!
"I can't believe you can't control your slut" - I'm sure this exchange is supposed to be humorous, but why can't she control her asshole? And why should SHE have to sleep elsewhere, let Justin sleep on the couch or wherever?
"if I didn't get her out of here quick, we'd both be in jail by morning." - Why? YOU were attacked!
"the retribution for any bullshit would be a quick trip to prison." - How? Presumably all the evidence has been restored, if you DO still have evidence, and don't reveal it, YOU could be in trouble for obstruction of justice.
@sbrooks103x 08/15/16
re:
"she controls access to the kids." - Since when? Custody is decided by the courts. Yes, I've read all the stories here about exes fucking up visitation, but she can be found in contempt if she plays too many games.
-------------------------------------
Excep t for the fact that in many, many jurisdictions the courts do little to nothing to enforce the court ordered access for a father.
The ex-wife can ignore his visitation at will and most likely he will be given a 'so what?' kind of response.
The courts don't care.
Excellent
Again you have written another great story that blew us away. I can relate to how passionate a kinda crazy woman is. Mine came after me with a bat one day and two days later was so passionate towards me. The ones that care are always crazy and passionate. I'd have it no other way. Great story my friend! 5stars.
you're good. very good. thanks 5*
crazy vs disloyal?
If I must choose between crazy but loyal or 'sane' and disloyal?
I'll take loyalty every time.
Nikki is the kind that would guard his back, not stab him in the back.
Of course loyalty must be a two way street.
Very Well Done
Three for three in LW. Nice start, keep them coming.
Looking
Looking for the sixth star!
But a woman whose belly is a 'waste' turns me OFF!
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