Monster

I liked the ending more than the beginning.

She left him because he wasn't there and he wasn't much of a father later. So why would he suddenly decide to own up to his responsibilities? Why would he threaten to leave her behind? Because she dated the wrong guy AFTER they divorced?

As well, why not admit the obligation he has to her? He knocked her up, he abandoned her to be a single mom and when she finally divorced him after he emotionally divorced her, he didn't fight for his marriage, his wife or his children. He didn't even try to make life easier for her and his children, he simply abandoned them.

If anything, it isn't his murders that make him a monster, it's blaming her for being a crappy mom when she was the one providing, protecting and trying to raise their children while he was playing at being a monster.

Thank you

I was one of the people that asked for this story

It was a very dark and very good read

Maybe you can move on to a twisted antihero A-Team your people have potential 5Star

Still batting 1.000

I was maybe two or three paragraphs in when it hit me , Todd172 , what you have birthed here , IMO , is a great Graphic Novel character.
Monster reminded me of Marv ( Mickey Rouke's character) in the movie " Sin City".
While I've never read the first one of those type of books , I have enjoyed several movies that were based on them.
The dialogue , that seems to bother so many other readers, is just like some of my old favorite comics of my childhood , only with much more plot development.
The fact that you produced this in such a short time frame after having several ask for it , was amazing .
I want to be on the record as asking you to please share some more of your God given talents with us. Thank you for sharing this.
5 *'s of course.

Really good.

Enjoyed it a lot.
And very accurate in describing special forces soldiers.
They avoid fighting but if they have to it lasts a couple of seconds at most.
(certainly not me, but I did know a British guy who was ex sf and he would always walk away, except the one time he could not and it was over so quickly I did not even have time to notice if it was violent)

Really enjoying your stories, more please.

5*

ROCKed iT !

People can nitpick about this or that inconsistency. Whatever. I read a story about two people who paired up, reproduced, split apart to disastrous effect and finally realized it's not about them . It's about their kids . One forgives the egregious and unforgivable, if considered on individual basis, if at all possible for their sake . Because it's not about you.

Full marks. *****

I hope you consider making Monster and Ex a franchise. Great story.

Was really intrigued about the story behind Monster and Ex when I read Shameless

Thanks for this wonderful piece of writing that shed a little light on them. I won't ask for more on them because this is pretty perfect. But that doesn't imply that more wouldn't be welcome.

Another very good story from this author!!!

Another very good story from this author!!! After so much violence, the writer could bring us to a smile in the end: "There were at least a dozen studies on the importance of grandparents to the success of grandchildren...Another gleam of light in that grey void...Obligations". Thank you for this story...4*

Great cast of characters

Hope to see more from their universe. More back stories? New plot lines? Very enjoyable to read your stuff. I love the bare bones descriptions, the rat-a-tat rhythm. And I very much appreciate your postscript notes. They are a fascinating peek into your creative process. Thanks for sharing your gift.

Ask and ye shall receive

I'm glad I asked. Thank you for giving.
A man who didn't become the perfect "husband" until after what was left of humanity was gone.
A woman who got her "princess" dream with the beast that pretends he's human.
A great way to start my day.

Loved the story - need a clarification

The difference between an RN and an RPN differs between the US and other countries. The RPN is a more advanced licensure outside the US and an inferior one in the US. The story sounds like it's in the US but the ranking of RN and RPN doesn't match this. Thanks!

Thank you

This backstory on Monster and Ex is wonderful and refreshing. Thank you for taking the time to "put pen to paper" on these characters.

Would love to see more of your stories involving these and your other characters that you developed in "Shameless".

5/5

Thoughts

As usual, writing these as I go, so some comments may be over-taken by future events.

"I knew that I had had feelings of anger and loss, but they were gone now" - I'm not sure I understand this. She didn't cheat on him, and earlier he seemed to understand why she left.

"After the dietrus from breakfast was cleared" -"detritus"

"the girl there told me I would have to get permission to get it removed – like somebody owns me!" - It might mean that to the club, but it shouldn't mean that to the general public!

"She did the mental math and figured out why,"- Why?

"Mostly."- What about the times she WASN'T " selective, or didn't try to find "other" solutions?

Dark, Intriguing Story

Sardonic as all get out - they just threw the muggers' bodies into the river and never mentioned it again. Wow! The story implied it, but didn't focus on it - I would wager that the three kids turn out exceptionally well. Oshaw make a good comment - there is indeed an opportunity for subsequent stories about the kids.

Dark But Very Good

Very well written back story on Monster and Ex. Quite dark, but it ties well to the characters you introduced before

Definition of top

I thought top was reserved for those who achieved the highest possible enlisted rank. Had a master gunnery sergeant who worked for me tell me that. He is a former marine.

Confused

The part where Patrick is treated better in school and the wife cries for an hour after doing the math. Im confused on what it means. Any answers?

Very good

I skimmed a lot, which isn't good, mostly Anne's part at the end. But it was a very good story. You have talent.

Deliciously Dark

I will have to note this reaction and try to understand. I really doubt that I will ever
give Todd172 other than five stars.

I always get a good laugh out of super soldier stories

They're almost as amusing as a Tom Clancy novel.

Dang son!

Ask and ye shall receive a damn fine story! 5 stars again. I'm gonna wear that button out voting for your stories. Thanks for a very good read!

you're very good thanks 5*

Thanks again for the feedback

I appreciate the feedback. It helps me see where I'm hitting the mark and where I'm failing. 

A few things: Should have been Nurse Practitioner vice RPN.  I assisted a mobile clinic with a non - US staff as an interpreter for a bit, and got the Nursing levels all wrong in my head. 

Patrick is being treated better for the same reason Ex was stopped to see if she needed help.  Society is pretty cruel to those on the fringe - as if they always chose their station - and because he has new clothes and his mom is dressing like they expect a mom to dress, he receives better treatment.  She blames herself for the way her children were being treated.  I should have been clearer there.

Army and Marines use different terms of address.  Can't vouch for USMC usage of "Top".

And, yeah, tattoo parlors in OMC territory are very cautious about putting on or removing certain tattoos.  I checked that with the tattoo artist husband of a co-worker.

A Final Note: Soldier Girl should post on Lesbian very soon. I thought I tagged it as Romance, but it could go either way, so that's fine. I got several private feedback messages from TBI victims from this one, so I thought I'd better mention SG has a few pretty weighty themes: PTSD, Survivor Guilt and Domestic Violence. I'm not playing it lightly, and i dont have any agend; this is just who these people are.

Thanks again for the feedback,
Todd

Terrific tale.

The absolute veracity of some of these conditions don't bother me in a story. As long as it's plausible.
I love all your stories

amazed again

You pack more character development into a three page story than some writers put into ten pages, and while you're doing it you still have a good story too.

I've known some that were a good bit like that, without shrapnel wounds to cause it.

Dump a few deceased muggers in the river?
Catfish and crayfish gotta eat too.

Keep going

Just keep going on these awesome stories. I wish we had more monsters to take out the trash that is becoming so prevalent in our country. Note: 'Top' is reserved for First Sargent, Sargent Major is above that. Semper Fi.

A simply fascinating character and I am only sorry that the story ended. In fact, both the monster and his loving wife (ex) are very interesting as is their relationship. Five stars.

Wow ! We have anew super writer here in todd172.

Your stories are amazing, 3 pages could have been 20. It's amazing how you are able to get all those characters into this stories and make it feel real. Don't burn your self out, space these stores so you don't runout of ideas.thank you .

I know this....

I know these people. My father spoke of closeted weapons in human form. Truthfully, mentally and emotionally - I prepared myself to become one. I served a full tour plus some. I was never called upon.

MONSTERS ARE EVERYWHERE

the ones in the ID are the worsterest" TK U MLJ LV NV

Batting

1000 so far.

Amazing work

which, ironically, is "typical" for you, it seems. I still enjoy the economical/clipped writing, since it fits the narrative and the characters. And I agree with whoever posted earlier -- Monster seems made for a graphic novel.

Oh, and kudos for mentioning USAF CCT/STS, the totally unknown of the SMU troops, in your afterword.

Nice story

Like shameless,a piece of solid writing.I feel for both Monster and Anne,they both in the end were victims of what Monster was doing for the military, she lost her way as he lost himself, and in a sense they both were left as shells of human beings.

It isn't in the style of the author,but it would be a fantastic tale if this could end up with a beauty and the beast ending,where Anne helps Monster regain his humanity and she the person she loves.

I think rpn= nurse practioner

For @thunderbird. I have never seen rpn,I have seen lpn which is a licensed practical nurse which is lower level than an rn.

As far as doing the math,I think that is Ann realizing kids are treating Patrick better because they are afraid of monster.

A little shallow

It just feels like a fad to me. This is the new diet, the hot electronic thing, the cool car. Next month, will anyone want one?

@njlauren Re: Nursing Designations

Yes, I believe you are right. I have three sisters-in-law who are/have been nurses, and it's been a while,but if my Swiss cheese brain isn't failing me the progression is:

Nurse; LPN - Licensed Practical Nurse; RN - Registered Nurse; Nurse Practitioner.

Excellent!

Super story. Thanks for sharing.

Another great plot idea. Really well done. Some profound implicatoins.

Thanks for your characters making no apologies. Anne was a bit of a setup, no decent woman with children would tolerate 1% of what you described. And once she and monster were reestablished, her family would have come back into their lives. But that's OK, its fiction. Monster letting her stay in their lives was a practical option. Its so profound that she loves him more than ever, and yet is ready for him to kill her if he's ever so inclined. She stayed as an act of love, and she knows he can never appreciate or respect her. He keeps her because he finds her useful, kind of like the motorcycle gang did. Its not lost on me that she has a much more respectful and comfortable life with monster, yet she was actually safer with the motorcycle gang. At least she can understand and anticipate their treatment of her. I suspect that every night when she goes to bed next to monster, she has a fleeting moment of wonder if she will wake up in the morning. I expect by now she has accepted that, in truth, do any of us really know if we will wake up in the morning? So she accepts the reality, lives with a memory, and in a very deep recess, a hope.

Thank you for a very thought provoking and compelling story.

So much you can do with these characters

and your descriptive abilities are nonparallel. Lookng fwd to more.

A SOLID 5!

I have to admit I clicked on this story because I wondered just what kind of story could garner such a high rating on today’s LW. I found a polished gem; after reading it, I don’t understand why it doesn’t have a 5.0 score. GREAT WORK!
Now for a few comments on the comments. To the one who doesn’t understand why a woman would put up with such treatment—enjoy that well protected little world you live in. I’ll bet you vote Democrat and don’t understand why a person would need a gun in their home. May God protect you and you never have reason to understand what those of us in the real world know so well. (Answer to your question—the gang would hunt her down and kill her like a dog) Also to the question of how people in town would know about the tattoo, if the gang is operating in the area, you can bet your ass they have made sure those with need to know have been informed.)
AS for rank in the Marine Corps—things are different now than they were during my time,(58-62) but sometime along the way, addressing NCO's by exact rank seems to have become important. In my Avionics Section any Sargent, Tech., Staff, Gunnery, etc. would be addressed in all non-formal situations as Sargent. The E7 Master Sargent, (one per section) was always “Top” in work-a day life and there was a Group Sgt. Major, who was said to be in the main office, where he regularly communed with God and the CO. Any Marine, below the rank of E7, who had occasion to speak to this person, was in BIG TROUBLE. As I said, things have changed, and not always for the better.
Have you considered e-publishing some of your work? I regularly buy Kindle Books which are no better than this story.

A sad and moving story

Monsters are real.

I know of a couple of former British Special Forces who were almost like Monster.

Just..

more, more, more.

I forgot to mention.

Five stars.

Thanks again...

Again, thanks for the feedback. 
As to Graphic Novels, I honestly  never thought about it.  But now that you all have brought it up, I can picture it.  In particular, the scene in The Shack.

Unfortunately, the only graphic novel artist I know personally does ànime.... and I just can't picture Monster in chibi. Still I will look around and see what I can find. 

My last story, Soldier Girl ended up posted to Lesbian, and I have to say, it's really quiet over there.  It's rating okay, but I'm kind of used to the energetic comments and debates over here in LW.  Maybe it'll pick up over the weekend.

Wrote a short one over lunch, just over 4K  words that will end up posted to SciFi /Fantasy.  I could stretch and post to LW, since the heroine is a lesser wife in a harem, but I'll behave.  It's a nod to Robert E. Howard, so I'll put it over there.  It'll be titled Gibbous Tendrils.

I like Monster, in some ways I wish there were more of him...

I hate to say it, but I like him. He is a good guy. I don't think Sociopath is a fair description. He is just the type of man we our "society" has forgotten is needed. We have forgotten that there is a wolf inside our sheep dogs, not just a big fluffy puppy. A sheep dog without a reasonable amount of wolf is not a dog but a rug. Hubby and I have trained with a few, some with more medals than they ever wanted. It is very humbling to train beside them, to realize the qualitative difference in men. I don't know if I would describe some of them as Monsterish but I see glimpses of him in them. When a couple offered to keep watch over my mothers when all hell broke loose here a couple years ago, how they slept in the living room of the old house I grew up in while insisting that she, my husband, kids, and I stay in our house out in the country. My husband, who is no pussy, literally begged them to let him stay, he said he felt like a 6 year old begging for ice cream from dad. We are old enough to be their parents, they told him it would not be safe for him, or them if he stayed. I have no doubt that they would have stayed if he refused to leave, but something in the back of my head told me that he would have spent the night zip tied to a chair in the basement if he had. Mostly for his protection. We had no business being there, they did. Houses were looted and some burned around them but not mom's house. I had to hose off part of the front porch, and that was all. Really tired overworked and fucked over (thanks BO, next time keep your trap shut) cops asked what happened, I said, "have no idea, not crazy enough to stay". The boys asked nothing but a case of long necks we got them that plus a couple steaks each. Believe me they get paid a lot more, but not enough, to go the same for strangers, but they would not accept a dime from me.

"Soldier Girl"

I just read Todd172's "St. Claire: Soldier Girl" over in Lesbian, and it is well worth the read!

Disturbingly well done

A facinating look into a injured man's self image. A tragically flawed hero as true heroes must be if the are to be believable. Mourn for Monster, but not his victims.

Well well..

Very well written, but I didn't enjoy it. In fact I'm of the opinion anyone who does enjoy it is probably a little troubled. I don't know how close to the truth any of it is, but if it is even remotely true it desperately speaks to the need to treat our veterans better.

I'll certainly read more of your stuff, but fives like this one though they may be I don't think I'll be happy with them. Think I'll go reread an old Ohio now for the release.

Jedd Clampett

And so it goes...another "very well done!"

In another life, I received extensive and specialized training. I can tell you with certainty it never completely leaves you...molds you into something you were not (not necessarily a bad thing either)...and often makes you better for it. That being said...truth be told...I wonder really just how many of us out there would not mind being able to aim a "monster" at some of the trajedies/horrors that are unfortunately all too common place in the evening news...disturbing as that may be

*****

Darkly written well.
I wonder what the difference between Monster and his TBI vs. an individual who is emotionally scarred and in the same boat.