Just a bit hasty. Tell us a bit more about how they feel for each other (it's a big step from friend to first lover).
Build up the action more. What does he think? What does he feel? Also the climax of the story needs more attention.
And wear a Dr Who t-shirt! Make 'em look it up!
by
Anonymous08/19/16
Peer Editing
I agree with ReefBeach to an extent. There does need to be more of a build up/rising action/whatever you want to call it, for the story to sound more realistic. Also, maybe after the concert if you mention more about how they feel about what happened and about each other you might be able to come with a second story.
English
Silly little story. Not very erotic
A great idea
Just a bit hasty. Tell us a bit more about how they feel for each other (it's a big step from friend to first lover).
Build up the action more. What does he think? What does he feel? Also the climax of the story needs more attention.
And wear a Dr Who t-shirt! Make 'em look it up!
Peer Editing
I agree with ReefBeach to an extent. There does need to be more of a build up/rising action/whatever you want to call it, for the story to sound more realistic. Also, maybe after the concert if you mention more about how they feel about what happened and about each other you might be able to come with a second story.
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