All Comments on 'Cinders'

I did find somethig so disconcerting that it did make me stop after a few paragraphs. Pity!

this is not a bad story, but it was a little hard to read at first, and as I read it did not get any better but I was able to follow it somewhat

From just one paragraph:

I did ... She did ... I did ... She did... I did... I did tell her a long time since anyone called me Cinders.

I only read about half of the first page. Was too hard to read. I just couldn't get into it.

Far to sloooooow and not very well written, sorry :(

Unusual style of writing but a good story, gentle and a bit sad - but with a good ending

Touching story. I understand the other reviewers technically but feel that the writing style helped bring the protagonist to life; it accurately reflected her background and naivety - it worked quite well.

I did :)

Actually I am a bit miffed as I was hoping the story would be rejected for some reason or other. I copied the file to a text file and meant to edit it. I am still not sure why but, for some reason I went and edited the original file. It was only after posting the text file I realised what I had done.

I was only able to read part of the first page. The story was told in a weird way. And you used "did" way too much!! "I did tell her" "she did say" "I did think" just ugh

Although I had commented on this earlier, the fact that there are I DID's in the story is because I sent the wrong file in. I only realised what I had done afterwards so all I could do was pray it was rejected for some reason so I could post the correct file. As you can see my prayers went unanswered.

The reason I use them is because they are a form of shorthand so I can type quicker and not have to stop and think how I might change it until the story is completed.

If I have to keep stopping and thinking it causes me problems. I have no idea what the plot is because, what I type after the first paragraph comes straight out of my head. Very rarely do I even know how it will end, even towards the end of the story. It is like I am downloading with a pause button added for when needed.

Here in England if you look up the word DID you will find it means the past of DO. When we use it in speech it has many more meanings for a lot of us. It can be used to emphasise an action or hesitancy like in a person.

Because many may not recognise the subtle nuances when you are trying to get across a person who is shy for example and, may be reluctant to ask out right, I try to remove every I DID not relevant. Some do slip through though.

This could have been a great story if it had flowed a little more naturally. Since 90% of the story is the conversations between the two leads, it would have been nice if there were more than a few brief lines of dialogue. The "I said, then she said, then I said" style is taxing to read.

Re: I dids. As I commented earlier. This was my fault as I sent in the raw file by mistake and not the edited version. I have now found out how to abort the one pending and send the correct file in. If anyone is really interested I could post it I guess.

Some of us do not like all this he said, she said. When you are trying to keep a story short it is better to highlight dialogue you want to stand out. Lots of my favourite authors use it and personally I can't be bothered to read a book that has too much dialogue because I would find it too distracting reading line after line. Maybe it is just me but when you have too much he said, she said I keep wondering when it is going to end.

I prefer to read a good book where I can feel I was the heroine and use my imagination to fill in all the background and the conversations.

Once got into the swing of it I really liked your story. Keep up the good work mate.

I reeeaally tried to like this story but it dragged on and on. The writing style and the grammatical errors didn't help. Your story went up in cinders, as in smoke. Sorry jayrs. I read your apologies. Hopefully, it's a lesson well learned that you'll apply to you next story. I wish you the best

They were in a hurry to get to the sex part, I guess. But it's their loss that they sped through a story by a budding novelist. A sensitive, descriptive. imaginative and sensual one.

I love this story, especially as it was told in the first person, by someone who had never known much in the way of love before. Thank you for sharing this with us!