All Comments on 'Shadow Lake Estates Ch. 06'

cuck shit.

It seems like this is just a series of mindless ramblings with no direction. There are too many characters and too many unrelated "events" that are impossible to tie together. I had this thought when I read chapter 2 and it hasn't gotten any better.

Seriously? That's the only reason I can think of to break up such a short story. All chapters seem to be 1 to 1 1/2 pages, so at most it would have been a 10 page story.

The author has attempted an extremely difficult story type that has very few fans, even when done well. I mean how many people do you know that read bits and pieces of 5 or 6 stories at the same time?

But even with those 2 gripes corrected I'm not sure I would have liked this story much. There isn't a likeable character in it! They're all self centred selfish scumbags who make it hard to relate to them.

I figure your "experiment" is mostly a failure. Good luck on the next one!

The story telling technique is tedious, and if intentionally strung out, obnoxious. Its probably smart that you don't care about ratings, nor comments. Just do your thing, and we will do ours. I still think it is a great plot idea, but it appears to be getting increasingly contrived, contradictory, and therefor boring.

Art and Asha is a good plot idea, with a lot of potential for drama and suspense.

Tom and Karla is just too obscure and confusing at this point, and getting stupider each chapter.

Dan and Denise suffer from an acute failure to communicate, and that whole scene became a cartoon with Dan's parking lot imbroglio. With people this stupid and shallow and distant, there's no relationship worth caring about as the reader. I mean really, who cares what happens to these two pieces of driftwood? They seem to be totally directed by forces outside of themselves, taking no direct action to determine where they are going, or even where they want to go. So far a really lame and boring plot.

And Holly and the tramp? Pulease! Just let them fade away into sex and drugs and adolescent self destruction. So what?

The overall rating, if I was rating, has declined with this part of the puzzle. I suspect other readers have anticipated better than I the overall quality of this saga. But I am holding out to the end, if I can stomach it.

Thanks for the effort.

This story is good but the format is terrible. I am not sure I will read the rest. The story itself is broken up into too many very short subplots and then it is posted as as a serial. I normally do not rate stories and nave never given below a 4 possibly a 3. My rationale: the writers devote time and effort to give the readers something for free they do not have to read. I gave this one a 2. Not for content but to encourage the author, who I believe is man enough to deal with low scores, to reconsider the small disjunctive subplots and multiple posting in the future, which I hope contain many stories from this excellent writer.

The story shows imagination. There are multiple stories. I would have trouble coming up with even one interesting story much less the 3, 4 or 5 that are in this disjointed story.

anon.1

Art and Asha, he got her pregnant, wanted her to be a single mom, breaks up their marriage and then stopped in front of the sign to laugh at her husband. No regret. No apology, just mockery.

Denise goes on a date with Andrew despite trying to work on her marriage, Dan can't, or won't, find a job. What kind of loser doesn't find work anywhere he can to support his family?

Holly is a high school senior, which puts her at 17, unless she failed a grade or two, so every sexual encounter is with an underage minor, so that storyline better stop or the next one just gets reported.

And Karla...Tom paid 4 guys to kill her. Do you know how hard it is to murder someone. You either have to be cold or sadistic to kill someone and it's not easy to find those types. That's why most contract killings are from a distance, or without conversation or in their sleep, since it removes the element of humanity. If they were going to kill her, they should have done it while she was unconscious. If you read the news, many killings are frenzied, because they are personal and the killer is forced to act against their nature and the victim is stabbed countless times.

For all this, I can only give your story a one star in the hopes that you don't feel the need to finish it. Because the only person I remotely find redeemable is likely to be raped and killed by 4 guys or raped and turned into prostitution. Regardless, her end won't be easy.

What the fuck is wrong with you? No, seriously. I want to know.

Everyone has wanted to know what the fuck is wrong with you ever since you showed up on this site. Shaken baby syndrome is all anyone can come up with.

You are a sick angry person, don't think I can call you a man. This is a sick angry non erotic attempt at writing and to me its ugly. You wrote it so it must be you.

If nothing else, this series may have set a new record for votes and comments from people who didn't bother reading the story! Let the hate flow through you, anonies!

OK, Kids,

Here's what you need to do. Suzi, you write a few paragraphs. Ralph, how about a page from you and the rest of you do the same. When you are finished bring it all to me and I'll staple it together how I think it should go.

I think we'll win!

If nothing else, this series has proven when you take a writer that doesn't know what he is doing that people will call him out on his bullshit. Let the bitterness flow, swingerjoe!

ps take lessons on how to write

but I think you are trying to write this in the form of soap here, dividing the scenes b4 they get finished, just like on tv. If that is indeed true then you are sort of getting there but.... I think each scene needs to go further because you are leaving it too early leaving the reader too frustrated.

Regarding Denise/Dan she has not cheated, was she about to?? Did she after Dan left or did she tell Andrew to f*** off after he hit her hubby, albeit in self defense? Who knows and that is where the scene should have continued. However it is not a bad effort if I have it right, if I don't then I must say it is not a good style for an actual story, definitely not in your normal mode.

JJ

My original concept was to write an X-rated "Melrose Place" or "Desperate Housewives", which are basically primetime soaps. So you're on the right track.

As a reader, I would never, ever read a 13-page story. I think the longest story I've ever read here is five pages. I simply don't have the time to read the longer stories. I broke up this story into little appetizers because if I were to read a multi-chapter story, that is what I would want as a reader. I would want the story to be revealed slowly so that I could guess what will happen at the end of each chapter. I would also want each chapter to end with a "hook", leaving me wanting more.

Apparently, what I like and what the average reader likes are worlds apart! This format could have worked if Lit had published the chapters a day apart. Instead, it has taken them two weeks to publish seven chapters -- and Chapter Seven won't be posted tomorrow!

I imagine that most Lit readers must prefer binge-watching entire seasons of their favorite TV shows rather than wait a week between episodes. I suppose it's a strange sort of compliment that readers have been so frustrated by the format of this story. It tells me they want more and they want it now!

Thanks for providing one of the few constructive and supportive comments today, JJ. Whenever Lit gets around to posting the seventh chapter, every one of your questions about these characters will be answered.

That explains it. You wanted to write an X-rated "Desperate Housewives." This explains a great deal. The level of your intelligence, for one thing

We understand something else, now. You would never read a 13-page story. You have ADD. That's okay. You can't help it. Just keep taking your medicine and you'll be fine. As for what you might want as a reader, there's no accounting for the tastes of the mentally ill.

Right, what the average reader wants is for Swingerjoe to get carpal tunnel so that he can't write anymore. That should have become clear to you years ago. No one cares that your seventh dreary chapter is delayed. Your scores, views and favorites should have told you that. Apparently, you are a very stupid person.

No, there is no compliment for you in any way. The format makes no difference, most Lit. readers would not care for anything you would write, no matter the format because you're boring and obnoxious. Got it? No one likes you and you smell bad.

No one cares when your next chapter posts. We hope it never does, because then you won't clutter up the comments board with 15 comments on your story every time you post a chapter.

Why do you keep coming back to this story to leave your dopey comments? Are you trying to hurt my feelings? If so, you'll have to try much, much harder.

I like your story and I only hope Dan walks away from his wife, he doesn't deserve to be lured to and humiliated by her and her boss. I'd also make sure the boss takes a bat across his legs letting him know that he can have the slut because he's divorcing her. No need to sneak around but he probably won't want her if she's not married. If she really loved her husband knowing how hurt he was that the guy kissed her then why go to dinner with the guy and have him walk you to your hotel room if you aren't interested in him also. Run Dan run it will be better in the long run

But as JJ has started reasoned critical comments and Joe has responded in kind, here are a couple of thoughts.

Like Joe, I don't read stories above 5 pages unless they are by one of the more accomplished authors and I expect it will be a story I will enjoy.

I read a few stories from the New Stories list each day if they look good. I can't do that if a story is too long. Thus I am happy for a story to be in serial form.

The important thing for a serial is to have break points in appropriate places. A point of tension can be good leaving the reader anxious for the next episode. Spacing of each posting is also important, but it is only partly under the author's control.

I would recommend that Joe re-write and re-submit Shadow Lake Estates in two or three segments. With so many characters, I forgot who was doing what with whom. (Apart from the Indian couple who were noticeably different due to ethnicity. The standard Westerners got lost for me.)

Maybe a 'Here is the story so far' at the beginning of the second episode, or perhaps a 'Shadow Lake Residents List' at the beginning of each episode would help.

I am assuming that Joe will tie all the loose ends of the story together in a satisfactory manner, possibly in a tricky manner which is not unknown with Joe, at the end of the story.

If he doesn't, please ignore all the above suggestions.

Lue

as I'm sure swingerjoe has noticed, how different readers react to one and the same situation.

In my case, Dan is the loser. The effect of Denise's dinner date, from a story-telling point of view, was entirely predictable, of course. The date only made sense as a ploy to push Dan further down the path of his self-created misunderstanding based, apparently, on a deeper insecurity on his part. So, rather than him dumping Denise, it seems that she'd be better off dumping him.

Will either option happen? Since this sub-plot is built around misunderstanding, then there are really only two options. The 'reveal' will be an appreciation of the misunderstanding and some form of mutual peace-treaty signed (in some way shape or form). Or, Dan wanders down his own path with some sort of crash-and-burn ending (in some way shape or form).

I'm curious enough to keep reading this sub-episode.

A very few writers I've met never liked being told their story was like a soap opera.

Swingerjoe, surprised me. His goal was to write a soap opera.

Gave you 3*s . I believe you succeeded👍.

Unfortunately, Lit. has made the 1-page multiple chapter story very difficult for anyone to use. The reader definitely cannot enjoy it. With days between 1-page chapters characters and motivations are lost.

Someone comments that you should pull the story, re-write it as two or three chapters and post it again. Can you swingerjoe put the effort to do that ? Do you even want to try ? I suspect not. You leave me with the impression this was a challenge to be surmounted. Not necessarily a story you had to tell 📰.

Thank you for the story. I had a very good time. Especially with the comments, hilarious😄.

AMerryman

Maybe the best part until now...Let's see what part 7 will bring...3*

annony is an old fat ugly fag!

Enough said

Vote 1* for 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐅𝐀𝐓 𝐃𝐔𝐌𝐁 𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐍𝐍𝐘 𝐖𝐇𝐎𝐑𝐄™ (that's what her clients call her) aka BONNIE/VASTIE aka NEEDYOU200 aka ANON!

How do you know? Bonnie, didn't you learn anything when you got kicked off this site? You insult the anons as an anon? Think about it. The irony might actually sink in any day now. Perhaps you're describing yourself. Is that it?

fag cuck shit.