...or is it Jane. Otherwise a decent enough story.
by
Anonymous08/21/16
you need an editor.
you need an editor, sue, denise, jane. 'she pulled your cock out of your mouth' the bad editing really distracted from your story.
by
Anonymous08/21/16
Good start
As one of the other comments stated, better writing and editing would VASTLY improve this story
by
Anonymous08/21/16
editor
you need a Editor and the story was like a quickly. Need to take it slow and get names right. But we all learn by mistakes
by
Anonymous08/21/16
Well, not my thing but.
At least its a better fantasy than your wife turning you into a cuck.
by
Anonymous08/21/16
Absolute Rubbish
This was so bad I couldn't read it all. Punctuation, story line, even names were just a mishmash of sexual rubbish written to just titillate the author. It did absolutely nothing for me as I was continuously trying to decipher who was who and doing what to whom.
I would suggest the author goes back to school.
by
Anonymous08/21/16
Poorly written
Two missing words and a wrong word in the first paragraph, so I stopped reading. Based on others' comments it's a good thing I did.
What do I say about threesome stories? If all is done in perfect agreement and respect, independent if its mmf or mff, I always say "good for them"! That's what happens in this one...Just a question: When one day his wife brings a male friend to comforting, what will be his reaction? 2*
English
Is her name Denise...
...or is it Jane. Otherwise a decent enough story.
you need an editor.
you need an editor, sue, denise, jane. 'she pulled your cock out of your mouth' the bad editing really distracted from your story.
Good start
As one of the other comments stated, better writing and editing would VASTLY improve this story
editor
you need a Editor and the story was like a quickly. Need to take it slow and get names right. But we all learn by mistakes
Well, not my thing but.
At least its a better fantasy than your wife turning you into a cuck.
Absolute Rubbish
This was so bad I couldn't read it all. Punctuation, story line, even names were just a mishmash of sexual rubbish written to just titillate the author. It did absolutely nothing for me as I was continuously trying to decipher who was who and doing what to whom.
I would suggest the author goes back to school.
Poorly written
Two missing words and a wrong word in the first paragraph, so I stopped reading. Based on others' comments it's a good thing I did.
7 paragraphs and 2 sentences and 800 words
Really, that's your idea of a story?
I've seen more in a 60 second commercial. I'm not sure why you bothered it wasn't worth it to read it. 1*
Nice Idea
The execution became almost mysterious, but I would suggest you consider getting an editor and work on doing a complete story.
What do I say about threesome stories?
What do I say about threesome stories? If all is done in perfect agreement and respect, independent if its mmf or mff, I always say "good for them"! That's what happens in this one...Just a question: When one day his wife brings a male friend to comforting, what will be his reaction? 2*
Rewrite
It's really bad when Jane keeps popping into the story for no reason.
is this threesome or foursome ?
what a load of bull !
cant remember characters , keeps bringing in jane !
who is jane ?
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