Big Brother, Little Sister

Part 2 please!

Please continue this story!

Editing is your friend

You should try more careful editing, at a minimum.

Not a fan....

Of the format. Yes, easy way for the author to write, but as the reader, difficult being in two people's head at the same time.

Edit, edit, edit!

I gave up after reading the 2nd paragraph. Too many spelling errors, incorrect word usage, grammar problems. Even your intro had an error. Let me guess, you're probably fresh out of Junior High, and have never passed basic English? Give up now, please!

brother sister....

Pay no attention to some of these comments....
Your new at story writing, you will get better....
waiting for chapter two...i like this story so far, keep going...

definitely needs editing...

First thing is knowing the correct spelling of words and what they entail. Please contact a editor for your next chapter. Premise is a good one and I for one don't have a problem with two people thinking about what is happening as long as it matches. Look forward to the next installment from you.

Sure it needs some touch-ups but otherwise it's good and fun, everything a bro/sis story really needs. Love the persona exchange and the pacing, hope to read more fast!

5*

Good start

Just don't stop, poor girl needs help don't leaveher hanging.

Interesting story

Interesting story, but short chapter.
Maybe, the changes of point of view (Between Luna and Frankie) have to be more longer (you change so fast between them), but I think is a good first story.
Waiting next chapter.

Very well done for your first chapter !! Of course, Luna is so HOT for him and I think Frankie wants her too. They are playing around right now, but since she felt his hardening cock and he felt her pussy lips; they need to get there. A second chapter is really needed very soon, got to get there soon so Luna won't explode :) Hopefully, they do each other and find that hot and heavy making out, touching and an initial cumming; won't be enough for either !! Thank you.

Good start

Many siblings have helped each other out. It is very beneficial to both.

1

Hate the format. 1 is all you get. Stop writing or grow up.

Nice Job

Lot's of these people are spouting crap about editing. I mean it wouldn't hurt, but you're not publishing a freaking novel lol it's fine. Hurry with the next part though bc it was an awesome story!

More to follow ?

Yes please continue on !

I thought it'd be different.

Not gonna lie, I didn't expect it to be a one page story with not much detail. I expected a sexual novel with like 9 pages of shyness, corruption and total domination.

All we got was a dual POV that hard to keep a hand on.

Please stop doing

Frankie:
a paragraph and a bit
then

Luna:
a paragraph and a bit.

It's oddly irritating.

Could have been a good story it had been longer than a paragraph.

hmmm

could be better, still so much room for improvement but you're smart

a start but...

good start but she needs more. Brought back memories