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English
Seems about half done
Interesting story that's off to a good start but doesn't seem complete. I am used to a lot more detail what a character is thinking For instance what is Jessie thinking when she starts to lick Mommy's ankle and toes. What is Mommy thinking when she decides to lick her pucker, how has spanking Jessie made her feel. It's feels more like a third person is in the room describing what she's seeing instead of the characters providing the details. The going back and forth was rapid and a little distracting. Finally the described position sounds interesting but hard to imagine Mommy moving her hand in and out rapidly while bent over Jessie to lick her pucker. Saying all that please continue with more chapters, I like the story line idea. You're a very good author.
Re: "Seems about half done"
Thanks for commenting. We're experimenting with ways to collaborate and the mechanism we used to do this part tends to encourage brevity. Our usual collaboration is quite the opposite and, I thought, contained far too many details. I think you're telling me that I went too far trying to make the story more direct. We'll be interested in your thoughts when we publish the next excerpt sourced from those more verbose exchanges.
Seems about half done
Hey, is Lissa, the other author of the story. Thanks for the comment.
As VMA said, we've experimented with a few different styles of communicating for the purpose of writing this story. The one we used for this particular scene lent itself to a rather shortened exchanges. Your comment settled a question for us about which method works best, going forward. So again, thank you.
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