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All Comments on 'Familial Indiscretions Pt. 01'
by nick_pa2013
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Anonymousover 7 years agoMake up your mind...
…are you going to write in first or third person. One sentence says Dave did this or that then the next says I did this or that. Extremely confusing!
Anonymousover 7 years ago1st person? or 3rd Person ?
Switching points of view every other paragraph is a bit strange and breaks the flow.
It's either "Dave" or "me/I" .... an editor would help you catch things like that.
nick_pa2013over 7 years agoAuthorI know I switched POV a few times, sorry about that. First attempt. I'll proof it better in Part 2!
Anonymousover 7 years agoYuck…
There is an “anal” tag but no anal. There is piss (even if just alluding), but no “piss” tag. Please, learn to tag, I don’t want to end up reading something disgusting when I was looking for a fun and hot story…
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