All Comments on 'The Girl on the Bus'

You need an editor to assist with your sentence structure and grammar.

Compare these two opening sentences. The first one is yours:

"The heat hit my like a train and I began to sweat profusely. I searched for my sunglasses half blind from the glaring light and when I found them and had put them on I looked around for my bus."

And mine.

The heat hit me like a train and I began to sweat profusely. Half blind from the glaring light I searched for my sunglasses. Putting them on I looked around for my bus.

And then you say you saw some buses one of which was yours - the L60. Then after that you state you had to look around and asked someone. So did you see your bus or not?

A editor would have caught these right away. I did not read much further as it did not get any better.

Good Lord dude, Mr Anonymous, why do you even bother with Literotica when at least three quarters or more of the people writing here screw up the grammar? And its probably not for the reasons you think, but, I think, that when writing these stories we tend to get a little excited and start making mistakes. So give the lady a break. And I might mention that it's really not necessary for you or all the other anonymous's to leave the kind of note you left. And besides, there are much nicer ways of telling they've got some typos.

Now, to the story. Yes, there are typos, but I was enjoying the story so much it was nothing to ignore them. It was a well thought out story and I liked the way it moved along. And I certainly look forward to more stories from this author.

Ted

There are other languages in the Literotica website, Spanish among them. Perhaps you could try to rewrite your story and republish in one in which you might be more fluent. Just click on one of the flags in the "Choose Language" at the Stories and Pics section.

PS: I write in Spanish and English.

I liked the age difference, the relaxed approach, ending with a frantic coupling. New, different, erotic. Good job.

If this had been written in English, instead of whatever doggerel it was, I suspect it may have been enjoyable.

Guys, cough up the dough to pay for an editor and I will happily do it. If you want FREE, then you get the errors.. have a great day :)

Deco art was great!

A little too much back story.