All Comments on 'Just a Kiss Ch. 02'

such a loving and erotic tale. thank you

Damn I can't wair for the next part, it was such a great mix of drama and sweetness. And the best part was the acceptance from the parents, though his longings for his mom had me worried for a bit there.

5*

You address the emotional aspects in quite some length - which is good - building the story up slowly. However, the sexual part still comes somewhat abruptly since the relation has remained fairly platonic til then. In the "retrospective" introduction to this second part you passingly refer to masturbation sessions on Skype, but the readers have not been taking part in any such escalation.

It is hard to point a finger to what is wrong.“It basically seems that you seriously work on tbe various relation. But still the relations to the parents feels somewhat disjointed - and why/how was Allison disappearing so completely after the hospital visit. Well, «Many unanswered questions», indeed.

As a foreign language user, I am not so aware/concerned of the linguistic dialog aspects that others commented upon to part 1, but there is something about the flow of events and/or the relationship developments that doesn't feel quite right. I wish I could point in a more specific direction - probably it is the lack of basis in the latter and greater part of the story for growing erotic arousal in the readers before first sexual encounter finally kicks in.

As you really do work much on the characters' feelings - something that is often regrettably lacking in stories at this site - I wish I could give you a top grade. But to achieve that, I believe you must work harder on the emotions you can expect to ellicit (or not) in the readers also.

Thank you for your feed back, it is more than welcomed. I will give much thought to what you have said. I suppose I had rushed certain parts and aspects of the story.

Love the story

While good, it could have been much better. After 6 days in a coma, another 5 days still in the hospital and then 3 weeks of home recovery, she is ready for sex? Nothing much is said about the post coma hospital stay or the 3 weeks home. What was she thinking to change her mind? Unprotected incest sex? She couldn't have been on birth control while in coma or in hospital and i would think doctors would not want her to resume birth control during home recovery. Despite all this i would still read the next chapter and hope you address these gaps. As well, how is it Dad is ok with this when he wasn't ok with Liz being a lesbian for the longest time?

i actually heard about a woman who has been "married" to her brother for 25 years who except him only find women attractive so such things happens to otherwise gay people they are romantically involved with somebody of the opposite sex and sometimes that person is the one even do they are otherwise gay.

ps 4 stars because u hurt the girl in the story.

I think that's is a lovely tale, the feelings between the siblings are well narrated, with love, no explicit lusty sex.

Maybe, based on feedback from other readers, it may be that there are failures in history (the disappearance of Allison, the easy acceptance of the relationship by the parents), but I think that is something that should be clarified in other chapters.

I like as described feelings of love at first intercourse, without exaggerating the lustful part.

I hope read soon another chapter of this story, where the author maintains the same line of narration, without exaggerating the sex scenes, since that is only part of the relationship of any couple, with or without incest.

Feelings, affection, trust, mutual care, are other bases for a right relationship.

5* for you.

I apologize for my English, is not my native language.

she was going to break it off with her girlfriend but Alison beat her to it?

if she has a car and he has a pickup why are they traveling by taxi?

he kept vigil in her room for "several" days during which he didn't eat or sleep.

on the third day mom and dad "again" brought him coffee and sandwiches .

the time in hospital is very strange. she is in a coma, the medical team gives up on her and removes life support, yet after several more days she wakes up on her own, a bit confused but thirsty and able to speak, but no alarms go off, no monitors alert an ICU centre, and he has to track down a nurse to get her a sip of water? eventually a Dr. shows up as if it happens all the time? she stays on for a period that could be several different lengths of time. Is discharged to home and we never hear of a visit to a Dr. again. Not even a follow up appointment.

then it all comes to a crashing conclusion with a hey mom and dad we have something to share with you before we go to the bedroom and make love, there is almost no reaction from the parents. just a that's nice, be gentle with her from mom and full approval from the judgmental and homophobic dad.

?

I'm sorry but I think this sequel was not very good at all. I thought the first chapter had promise but I am finished with this one. I can only point to the stiff, formal dialogue and poor denouement. I feel you are capable of writing well, but need to consider how people relate to one another and how they convey their feelings. Keep writing, but loosen your style a bit.

First chapter was great.

Second chapter felt like a script from a third rate music video.

I think you probably wrote yourself into a corner and just spazzed.

One hit wonder/10.

Loved it, especially chapter 3 I had tears in my eyes thinking she was going to die you bastard. Loved mum and dads too how they accepted their children's love for each other. Please continue on with this amazing story ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Wonderful, so good to see true love in a story. Other commenters asked about Alison. I think I see a sequel on the horizon. I bet it's awesome too. Maybe dad and mom let their hair down and talk with the triad during dinner about their forgotten paramour... just thinking...

Amazing story I know it's been awhile since you have worked on this but I hope you eventually get back to it

Your first chapter was better. I'm not sure what to make of this one, the accident seemed forced to me, and her recovery seemed lacking. While you did drop enough hints that their parents knew, I just can see them being that ok with watching them fuck, considering her father had a hard time with her being a lesbian. The whole confession scene seemed forced. I could see Liz being let of easy considering she almost died and all.

I think you could spend some time, and tell us her perspective leading up to the accident. Or Maybe while she's comatose give us a depiction of what she's seeing, and feeling in that deep dark blackness. From her perspective. Was she facing herself in the darkness? Her morals, her concept of right and wrong? Her fear of being alone? Her fear of her parents retribution? Societies? Her ex lover who has just returned? Why haven't we seen her again after Liz awoke? You'd think she'd come running. It's been 3 weeks and nothing from her.

You could try telling it from a third-party perspective, it'd give you a whole lot more leeway in telling us, what the main and supporting characters are thinking.

Can't wait for the next chapter to see which way you go with it. I wonder if he made her pregnant ??? Just a thought..⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I LOVED THE STORY SO MUCH I ALMOST CRIED, FOR LIZ, MYSELF. YOU HAVE TO KEEP GOING ON THIS STORY. WHAT HAPPENED TO ALISON? DID SHE GO TO EUROPE? DO LUC AND LIZ FIND A WAY TO MARRY? DO THEY HAVE CHILDREN?

Can’t wait for the next episode.

I like the premise, and the basic plot, but I can help but feel that the sketched-in backstory is just there to excuse the rush to get to the sex; this is a story waiting to be told, but has been edited and self-censored to give the quickest pathway to getting down to the main sex scene with as little preamble as possible consistent with getting to the sexy bits.

The scene-setting is almost rudimentary, the finger-snap acceptance of their parents is not even probed and set-up in any depth, the setup that the father was hostile to Liz because she was a lesbian, then in one sentence does a complete 180 and becomes Mr Accepting? Not very believable, even with the 'willing suspension of disbelief' this kind of story requires in order to work.

This story has all the elements of a considered, exploratory, tender love story, not the 'bang-crash-do the sex' approach you've taken here, I'm sorry you were so rushed, I feel you had a much more considered pace in you, you just chose not to go there, and it shows. 3 stars

I agree with Apocalipsa, Rightbank and some of the others. There are many good things about your writing skills per se, but there is something missing in the whole picture, general emotions, realism etc. It feels quite artificial/constructed, To fill in with another detail:

"I barely allowed her to move or walk by herself. She regained her lost weight as her strength gradually returned." A patient needs to move to gather strength ....

I kinda lost it when the parents were completely okay with it and they knew the kids were gonna have sex in her childhood bed.

Moving too fast, I think. After an accident that bad there would be a prolonged convalescence, and I agree with Doors who said it was unlikely that their parents would be so blase about their sudden decision to boink in their home.

That would have been a hot solid five except for:

""Mom, like you, Elizabeth is very beautiful and and I love you both, and if it were legal I would want both of you. But to answer your question, no we have not slept with each other."

That bought you a solid ONE once again. But then you had Alison visit the hospital and the possibility of a Polyamorous threesome appeared. 🤔 I gave you one point back for that. Luc and Liz making love for the first time was very hot, but you never had Lucas update Alison like he promised to do. So plus two minus two is a wash. Crying shame really... 2/5