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bymxslicer©
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by Anonymous

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by jthserra05/16/04

I feel the intense emptiness

in this poem, a feeling that I think you could heighten even more with some trimming. If you go through your lines and take out all but the most essential message I think the impact of the emotion, the nothingness will be overwhelming. You have a very good poem here, that I think, with some prodigious trimming you can work it into something really special. Good work...


jim : )

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by mxslicer05/16/04

Thanks Jim

Taking into account you suggestions. I've rewritten this poem. I think it's an improvement.

Thanks!

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