- All
Comments (2) - Add a
Comment - Send
Feedback Send private anonymous feedback to the author (click here to post a public comment instead).
| Literotica Toy Store ADULT TOY & DVD STORE FAST & DISCREET |
Literotica XXX Webcams 24/7 LIVE CAMS - FREE PREVIEW W/AUDIO! |
Literotica Adult Movies STREAMING ADULT MOVIES PAY PER MINUTE |
I feel the intense emptiness
in this poem, a feeling that I think you could heighten even more with some trimming. If you go through your lines and take out all but the most essential message I think the impact of the emotion, the nothingness will be overwhelming. You have a very good poem here, that I think, with some prodigious trimming you can work it into something really special. Good work...
jim : )
Thanks Jim
Taking into account you suggestions. I've rewritten this poem. I think it's an improvement.
Thanks!
Click here to leave your own comment on this submission! or
Back to Nothing or
More submissions by mxslicer.