The other readers are correct, there are some issues with your story. You need a good copy editor. Not sure why this is in the Incest category, since there is no incest. Make a couple of quick adjustments - make him her uncle, and it works as incest. Right now it should go in "mature."
Having said that, though, it was a good story and kept my interest to the end. You did a good job of describing her, and a good job of describing the sex. If you didn't let her cave at the end, it could have developed into something much more interesting.
As has been pointed out already, this is in the Incest/Taboo category, and there was no Incest and nothing particularly Taboo. IF you posted it as Incest because it's going to delve into Incest LATER, you might have made this "... Chapter 1", or something, to indicate the story will continue. AS IT IS, it's not the worst erotica I've read, but you do need to pay attention to misspellings (which have already been mentioned).
To "redeem" the story, bring us a continuance in which Wendy's mom, Laura, shows up, not knowing her daughter was already there. A sexual encounter might develop between the narrator and Laura while Wendy hides and then joins in. Or he could be in the middle of fucking Wendy when Laura shows up and joins in. Use your imagination, but give us SOMETHING to justify the Incest tag!
by
Anonymous10/05/16
My half dollar...hardy har.....
Great story...but to all you brain dead posers who have nothing to do but complain...did you catch the fact that Wendy's mom is hot? That means that in later chapters Wendy and her mom will have some fun....duh!!!!! Ergo...the incest category.
For those of you who have trouble comprehending my words either Google it or maybe get that GED you have been wanted to do since forever...:(
The female character was originally under 18yo. That's the reason it's in "Incest/Taboo." The next chapter(s) will be more appropriate for the category.
by
Anonymous10/10/16
Wendy shuttered a bit
Really? She turned into a set of window coverings?
English
Know your vocabulary
Shuttered = shuddered
Plainly = plaintively
No incest
Or taboo.
A quick fumble with a girl half his age.
And not very well done either
More vocab
Her legs are toned, not tone.
Not taboo?
Clearly some readers have never lived in the bible belt....fucking a co-workers daughter would get you chased out of town with torches and pitchforks.
Decent story, as others pointed out a little editing here and there but nothing that made it obnoxious or hard to read.
Some issues, but good plot, well-told
The other readers are correct, there are some issues with your story. You need a good copy editor. Not sure why this is in the Incest category, since there is no incest. Make a couple of quick adjustments - make him her uncle, and it works as incest. Right now it should go in "mature."
Having said that, though, it was a good story and kept my interest to the end. You did a good job of describing her, and a good job of describing the sex. If you didn't let her cave at the end, it could have developed into something much more interesting.
It should have gone in the Mature category. Just saying.
My $0.02
As has been pointed out already, this is in the Incest/Taboo category, and there was no Incest and nothing particularly Taboo. IF you posted it as Incest because it's going to delve into Incest LATER, you might have made this "... Chapter 1", or something, to indicate the story will continue. AS IT IS, it's not the worst erotica I've read, but you do need to pay attention to misspellings (which have already been mentioned).
To "redeem" the story, bring us a continuance in which Wendy's mom, Laura, shows up, not knowing her daughter was already there. A sexual encounter might develop between the narrator and Laura while Wendy hides and then joins in. Or he could be in the middle of fucking Wendy when Laura shows up and joins in. Use your imagination, but give us SOMETHING to justify the Incest tag!
My half dollar...hardy har.....
Great story...but to all you brain dead posers who have nothing to do but complain...did you catch the fact that Wendy's mom is hot? That means that in later chapters Wendy and her mom will have some fun....duh!!!!! Ergo...the incest category.
For those of you who have trouble comprehending my words either Google it or maybe get that GED you have been wanted to do since forever...:(
Age Changed
The female character was originally under 18yo. That's the reason it's in "Incest/Taboo." The next chapter(s) will be more appropriate for the category.
Wendy shuttered a bit
Really? She turned into a set of window coverings?
I was quite enjoying this until that happened.
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