Faithlful

Much better writing

The story wasn't as good. Still, it wasn't bad and I gave you a full marks for the better writing.

Hey, big brother

I agree with the anonymous before me about the writing. This was good. Now, nice story, but you still don't get to play Destiny on my PS4 until you get rid of all those extra commas.

The title contains a typo because fate could not handle the irony.

Goodness

Life affirming. It feels so good to be reminded that goodness still occupies a part of human character. Knocks me out of my cynicism until I hear the next man against man horror story. Thanks for the reaffirmation. And thanks, as always, for sharing your gift.

Sad story

This is kind of similar to the plot of one of my favorite movies , Castaway.
In that the husband was reported dead , and upon his ultimate return , found his wife had remarried and had children. To me , that is a very perplexing conundrum , in that , he simply moved on . In your story , it ends happier for the husband .
What would one do ?
It's a scenario that truly does make one ponder. And for that
5 *'s

Damn

An interesting tale. Something can could have only happened in the horror of war. It could have ended badly except for the bravery and honesty that was showed toward each other. Glad I read this.

Five Stars

TRUE LOVE SURPASSES ALL BARRIERS

even curses from the ether gods. TK U MLJ LV NV

Fantastic historical time is set in place , but rich events are found incomodious to hand / heart wringing potboiler

It must be me. To use second World War as backdrop and refuse to weave that epic time into just another " did or didn't she.cheat is stupifyingly lazy. The narrator had been around the world , done excruciating POW time and pretty much has a fistful of ribbons to matter on about. This could have been so much better.

Problem.....

Loved the romance, the notoriety of the Maitland girls, the drama of the war action ... and then coming home to find Gracie.
Great little story, and thats the problem for me .... I wanted more.
5 * from me.

Damn, you're good!

Could have been better.

The whole prostitution thing in the late 30's is difficult to swallow: I mean rival gangs shooting up a club? Really? They still talk about the Valentines Day massacre and that was 4 or 5 guys getting whacked.

Something similar happened to one of my collateral ancestors.

That was back in the 1770's. He'd left what was then Hampshire County, Virginia and gone out across the Ohio River on a long hunting expedition, and was captured by the Indians. He finally escaped after three years and came home, to find he'd been given up for dead, his wife had remarried, and his children were calling another man "Father."

His story didn't have a pretty ending. He was persuaded to grant his wife a "Bill of Divorcement," and he sort of disappears out of the historical record after that point. His wife, (who was Barbara Decker, the oldest child of my 7th-great-grandfather John Decker,) and her new husband John Colvin eventually moved to Kentucky. Some of their descendants were living one county north of me when I lived outside of Clarksville, Tennessee.

Your tale has a happier outcome, and is told with sensitivity and compassion. I could say I gave it five stars, but the truth is that you earned every one of them. Damned good job.

It was great.

I realize that it is in our nature to wonder about how something, like these stories, could be better, some things just need to be judged for what they are rather than what we might like them to have been. Could the author have delved deeper into the war experience? Sure, of course. But that wasn't what the story was about and ultimately would have just been filler. Todd172 gave us the information pertinent to the telling of the story between John and Jenny, and I thought he conveyed Jenny's difficulties extremely well. I have no doubt she would have remained completely faithful were it not for the telegram. She needed emotional and physical support and Mark was there to provide it, but only because of John's absence (and supposed death) and for no other reason.

Very Nice

There were several changes from when I last read it, and they improved it, and I at least didn't notice any edits, LOL.

I can explain the typo in the title. This was originally called "Faithless" and when Todd was deleting the "less" he obviously forgot the last backspace!

He was dead for three years so you can't blame her but a friends wife to me is off limits even when he dies. He could be there for her and be a best friend like she is a guy and not fuck her. To me it's like pissing on your friends grave but I'm glad she ran right back to him. I'm not sure I could've but he knew she was a prostitute in her past so her having sex partners wasn't as important to him . I'm not as strong minded as him when it comes to my girl having a slut in the past and I really don't want to know any of the guys ,that's for sure

War is Hell for All

War is Hell for those in the fighting and those loved ones at home. I am not sure which has it worse - but in some ways I think it is the loved ones at home. Those at home are in familiar area and have reminders of those away ALL the time (and temptations). While in military you go from extremes of busy (scared shit-less busy to busy work) to completely bored (watching rain drops fall and grass grow) but in a different place - not familiar (many temptations). It is why writing mail and notes are so powerful for both those home and away! Sadly why so many in military lose there girlfriends and wives - don't know statistics but if regular divorce is 50% or higher, military would be 75% or a lot higher are my thoughts!
Still good story about the best and strongest generation of American history. Sadly do not see much strength (character) coming from the current generation(s) seem really weak! I hope I am wrong!?
Please keep writing and I will keep reading!

I liked the story

I thought that all the components that made up the whole were each nicely handled.

Great story - TRUE Loving Wife

This definitely belongs in this category, ignore the anon that only gets off on pathetic cuck stories.

There have been hundreds of repeats (if not thousands) of this tale in history - not all of them end as well. Thank you for giving us characters with such depth in such a short tale.

5/5

It was a nice story, but

it was pretty bland. There was no tension when he returned and no story about how the war changed him, or her. He left, he came back and the friend politely stepped aside. Few men have wives, or friends, that understanding and reasonable. It just seems like a story needs tension, a foil, a bad guy, something unsavory to get the juices flowing. This was all sweet and gentle. It was "nice".

*****

Okay, it was a 4.5,
Kind of like HDK put forth, this read like a historical piece instead of a ... story. Which it sort of ... was.
Still, very good stuff.

The story is a "5" in my mind, not because of the story itself, but because of your talents for weaving words together. Still, war is a hard thing and to have gotten that telegram and be as damaged as she was........I really could not blame either one of them for coming together.

I do wish the moderator would do something about trolls like anon who brags about the fact the computer will accept a -2.

To the anondiot who gave it a 2 plus a rambling tirade about the rating system. Give it your lowest rating then come comment without saying why? You're a moron and ten times worse than anyone you thrashed out in your comment.

This was one of the few stories that starts at the end then explains how life got to that moment that I actually enjoyed. It was told like a life story where details about the "journey" were superfluous to the point trying to be made. It was told as it should have been and done in the manner that it would have been shared by "Jenny" herself. I can appreciate that a whole lot more than forcing irrelevant details into a story that didn't need it through the imagination of someone who didn't actually live it. That likely took self-restraint.

Maitland

Where have we heard that name in LW before? (clue, in that one the cheating wife's married name was Maitland)

MIA

Beautiful story. John would have been declared missing in action until after the war and at least seven years missing in those days before a court would have declared him dead. I am satisfied with this though as the war dept made many mistakes like this.

Missed opportunity

This could have been built into one of the all time greats, at 10 or so Lit pages, instead of being just a hurried summary of a story.

What is the dramatic core, here? Star-crossed lovers, torn apart, with one believed to be dead. He returns to find his wife with his best friend....and a baby.

HSo there is jealousy, sadness, and uncertainty. What happened? What are her feelings? Will she...CAN she just abandon the father of her new baby? Has her love been altered by having gone through the full grieving process? What will the best friend do, torn between losing his child and doing the right thing for our main character? What will each of these character's be left to live with, in the end?

These are the questions that we should be given time to worry over. They should guide the conflict of the story, and they should not all have the best case scenario for an answer. In fact, for at least one of them, the answer should cause serious problems that our hero has to overcome in some way.

Instead, here, they are all dispelled and dismissed in rapid-fire fashion, by an unconcerned narrator (the best friend offers to move away? The main character has no trouble accepting the other child?), leaving just an outline for a story that could have been great.

Good job

Well written and plotted. Nice story. Keep going, you are doing very well. By the way, if you catch something like a typo in the title, all you have to do is fix it and resubmit as a new story with "Edit" in the title line and the site will replace it. Very nice job, full marks from me.

Nice change of pace.

I can accept the reconciliation simply because Jenny didn't cheat. As far as she knew, and was told, John was dead.

As I said, nice change of pace and 5 stars.

Thank you for writing and looking forward to your next story.

Wow

That's all I have to say. Wow.

Todd172, I always look forward to seeing another story posted by you. You never disappoint.

I have said it before, but I will repeat it.

This Unoriginalist gives the best comments and critiques of anyone on this site. He was able to clearly state what I fumbled with. I would urge all writers to always consider his critiques. They are thoughtful, honest, concise and very well stated.

it happens

I'm a product of a story very simular to this. Only difference is Vietnam not ww2.

I totally disagree with HDK

I haven't been around long, but I've never seen a comment by the "Unoriginalist" that was at all complimentary to a story or an author. It's always about whet the author could, or should, have done. Real critics do reviews of stories they enjoy, as well as those they don't. "You should have done this and written that," is the mark of an armchair critic, not some oracle. HDK, did you not make a comment on SBrooks' story, decrying SBrooks doing the same thing you now praise the "Unoriginalist" for doing? You've earned the right to say whatever you like, but you don't get to play both sides. Well, you do, but I'm calling you on it.

"So many readers ask "What happened next?" and want everything spelled out. Short stories are a glimpse in time, and like life, have no true ending until death."

That's what you said, and yet, here the "Unoriginalist" is, calling for that very thing you said should be called for and you say he's on the money. Which is it?

I totally disagree with Kimi

Some of us are here to provide encouragement and helpful advice to our fellow writers. Kimi is here to be a cheerleader for her besties and an attack dog for anyone who dares to write a single critical word about any of them. She is, by far, the most critical (and boorishly rude) reader on this site, but only if the author isn't a member of her little clubhouse. To be so critical while never having written a single word herself is quite extraordinary.

Meh

"The mainland girls" bit was overdone, and served little purpose, likewise the skittery Jenny, seemed unduly exaggerated too. All in all many of the story elements were great ideas, but belabored to an extrems which weakened the story. Making the characters too sweet and soo nice means they aren't very real. That said I enjoyed the story

Kimmi, I see no conflict, although

if you feel I am a hypocrite, I admit it's not out of the realm of possibility. I fear a debate on my character, or lack of same, would be one sided as I have nothing to gain, and very little to defend.

This story had the potential to introduce all kinds of issues with the husband lost for 3 years, declared dead, and then he returns. In the story, it was like an ice cream party, and all was well. UO (it's so hard to type unoriginlist) made some very valid, thoughtful comments. He didn't say he hated the end of the story or wanted it different. He felt the journey to reach the ending could have been much more complicated and it would have been a far better story, although he stated it much more clearly. Totally honest, thoughtful comments are a compliment, and help a writer. Cheerleaders are great to have, but meaningful observations are more helpful in the long run. Todd is obviously very talented. He will get even better. Considering UO's thoughts will only help him grow to his impressive potential.

Awesome story

I enjoyed it. Of course it could have been longer, going a bit more in-depth, however, I still enjoyed it.

Sorry to see a few haters.

Who pulled your chain, Joe?

I don't recall anyone addressing you. That's just hilarious. You, provide encouragement? Yeah, you're here to give encouragement to the "cheating is great" authors you hope to recruit to your holy war. Give advice? On what; the proper preparation and consumptions of cream pies? You can't write, just look at your pitiful little library, so it can't be writing advice. That would imply some knowledge of how to do it. You're here to recruit and take cheap shots at better writers. That's what you do.

You give me too much credit. I'm friendly to the decent. You just don't happen to be among that number. Since you're the number three douche on the site, you get the middle finger.

HDK, if I was rude, I apologize. I don't think it's rude to disagree with you. Maybe I'm wrong.

Oh, Joe, what makes you think I've never written a word? Unlike you, I actually get paid to write. Maybe I'll actually post a story, just to give you an opportunity to vent some of that inner humiliation you feel about having that tiny weenie. Then, I could have the pleasure of deleting your comment.

Now, it's time for your little pink pill. Don't worry, you'll feel better and Mommy will make you a nice cup of tea in a bit. There, isn't that better?

@TheUnoriginalist

In most cases I could see what you mean in your critique. I've read your comments before, and though not always in agreement I could see where you were coming from.

This story I am taking as Todd said it was, a retelling of a story told to him by "Jenny".

With using that as my basis, I accept the story as told, because he was being true to "Jenny" in retelling her story, instead of this just being the normal fiction posted.

HDK, I agree with paying attention to TheUnoriginalist's comments, but that does not mean that the writers must take the advice or that the advice is good for a particular story.

I'm just a reader, but I think that being true to the story is the most important thing. I feel that Todd accomplished that in spades.

Awww Kimi

Did I hurt your feelings? I'm sorry. When you return to your empty apartment tonight, have a glass of wine, pet your cat(s), and you'll feel better.

I'm only the number three douche? Shit! I need to try harder!

Sweetie, I hate to break it to you, but the only people who think there is a "war" requiring recruitment are you and all the silly adolescents who sit at your virtual high school cafeteria table. No one else cares about your little "us against them" campaign. I simply enjoy hearing the little attack dog bark. Good girl!

I look forward to seeing your genius (and professional!) creativity here on this site should you ever decide to share your gift with us lowly denizens of this amateur erotic website.

I agree with HDK

For the most part, I have always found the Unoriginalist' s comments spot on and helpful. I don't feel that a person doesn't have to tell you how great you are in order to be a valid commenter. In fact, I often look for the critiques when I post a story. I appreciate the compliments, but the critiques are far more helpful. Any author would be better served taking his comments to heart.

@Javmore

Agree or disagree, no one called for anyone to tell you "how great you are." No one, at least not me, said that negative critiques are not helpful. My point was that when you only make negative critiques, you're not helpful. "Fag cuck shit!" is a critique. It's not helpful. Read book reviews or movie reviews. The pros never critique what's not there, they critique what is there. A critique tells you what you did well, or poorly, with what you wrote, not what you didn't write. Telling an author they "should" have written something differently, is not critique, but presumption. If all you give are "thumbs down" critiques, you are not a critic, but a complainer, and people give you no credibility.

Most authors would appreciate knowing how this paragraph should be rearranged, how the punctuation in this sentence was misplaced, how this bit of dialog could be worded differently. Very few enjoy a general "You should have done better," comment. When HDK says the story should be written this way, He has the library to back it up. He knows how to do it and does it on a consistent basis. He also gives out thumbs up reviews on well written stories. That's a legitimate critic. That's all I was saying. Do you think positive critiques can't be helpful?

You must realize that

War does not always change the character of those combatants who serve.
The friendship of the two males survived the chaos of war and the "mistaked death of her husband", and the "life saving involvement" of her husbands friend. on the "return to life" of the narrator who must now confront what has occurred, there only 2 choices, neither of which require jealousy, revenge, payback or any of the normal dribble demanded by commentors ot "self styles critics" of this story.
He either resumes his position and responsibilities of moves on as was pointed out in the Castaway comment. I prefer this ending as it shows an understanding and mature and secure relationship between all parties.

I put this above the summer of "42" anyday... Love at its highest level, and good storytelling...5 * anyday

Kimi, I never

felt you were rude to me. I do find your "apology" a bit rude, now that you mention it. As you well know, an apology offered with a snide remark, a qualification, or some other little dig is not an apology. It is actually the opposite. My comment on another story seemed hypocritical to you. It is not being rude to tell me that. That is being honest, and I accepted it. Suggesting that I feel that those that disagree with me are rude, is in fact, a somewhat rude statement. I have no quarrel with anyone here, (except that guy from dearbornmt@yahoo.com and the one that knows I'm a cuck fag Brit), but I will express my opinion on stories. If people dislike my opinion, or any of my stories, I'm fine with that. We do not have to please each other, and often, we do not. That's okay. We need to embrace it. This is a place where we can be totally honest. We can attack each other if we choose, but how does that help anything? I do enjoy your comments.

@HDK

No, you didn't say I was rude. That was someone else. I wasn't trying to be. Not to you, at least. You're British? Huh, here I thought you were from PA. That explains it. Sorry, big brother, I'll shut up now.

@kimi1990

"Fag cuck shit" is not a critique. Negative critiques are ones about what a story lacks. We all know which comments are critiques and which are just trolling.

Furthermore, Unoriginalist never, ever leaves a comment like that. He has always left comments about what he finds wrong with a story. At least in my opinion. He very rarely leaves praise, but that's ok. It doesn't make him any less insightful.

If you disagree, that's fine.

Not a critique?

"Fag cuck shit," is a critique. It means, this is disgusting shit that should be in fetish. Don't pollute this hub with it. Of course, cuckmore is the queen of cucks, so he likes all that shit.

Just a bit of History

HDK, LSD, Unoriginalist et al: If this was my story, if it was truly
fiction, I'd have certainly been happy to deliberately create more tension.
And I certainly don't mind writing violent battle sequences of any type. I
thought about it. But as one comment said, this isn't so much a story as a
little piece of history. The whole story was whispered to me in about 10
minutes, more or less, as I helped a very elderly woman move a few
belongings into a rest home. Her daily medical treatments had reached the
point where her family simply couldn't perform them. She only told me so
that someone would know what type of man her husband had been; to first
accept her past and then forgive her the weakness she felt she had after he
was declared dead.

I changed some details to protect privacy. I changed her escape from club,
because the real incident is too easily found. I changed some details of
her husband's service but he really was mistakenly listed as dead by the
Navy, a not uncommon occurrence during World War Two.

He seems to have done amazing this by his medals, but even she had no details.

She still had the scars on her wrist, although it wasn't from a cord cutter.
Judging by those scars she was really trying. Her hand didn't even work
well because of the damage.

It isn't my story to change and she's long passed on. I had to change some
details and make up the conversations, but otherwise tried to keep it pretty
much straight. Still, this is the perfect place for it: she wanted
somebody to know the story and now literally thousands of people do.

Thanks,
Todd172

Todd, I understand your position.

You are simply relating a tale as told to you. You just may be the first writer to be sincere when you say you are telling a "true story" in an erotic site, especially in the Loving Wives category. It really was a great little yarn. The point some of us made, and it was valid, was that you could have taken this as an outline and run with it. Maybe the lady felt that her husband, his friend, her kids, and the family dog were all fine with the way the situation developed. Maybe this was the truth as she remembered it. Maybe it was spot on to reality. But just maybe there was a deeper story in there that she didn't tell you. Writers, and especially very good writers like yourself, can seize a grain of truth and create a masterpiece of intrigue and deception. This had the makings. Just sayin'.

@ Todd172 ( respectfully ) cc my abbreviated invective laden review

I've read and reviewed multiple stories of yours with pleasure. Thank you so much for sharing those. Color me usually very inspired and a tinge jealous after reading one of your submissions. It's rare of me to write overt diss reviews because I'm a frustrated writer myself and can attest to difficulty of producing a lucid, suspenseful and amusing story from the creative ether.

So why my paragraph long hissy fit ? Mainly because I'm a history buff ....nerd. These characters had such rich resumes on their life profile and you chose ( as is your right ) to focus on such a narrow spectrum tailor made for Loving Wives alcolytes. For those people - you delivered in spades . Kudos.

For geeks like me , it's as if you took me to Disneyland , shelled five bucks out for solitary selfie with Snow White and then said " OK that's enough fun kids , time to go home. ." You didn't want to embroider events . I get it . But based on your sterling past stories and aforementioned epic setting so rife with possibility - I felt I got the nickel tour. Well that's five cents more then I paid for this story , so shame on me and my expectations.

Bottom line : more reason for me to keep hacking at my opus so one day I can be in the arena and faceoff with the Lions err critics as you already have.

The war of the comments

There must be a story somewhere in all the warring comments.....Just needs a writer!

As to the story I enjoyed it. The tension element was served in the getting her back from the terrible place she was in and bringing her back to life.

I think Mark was disposed of a little too easily at the end. Loving someone and having a child is an awful impediment to walking away like a good little boy. I don't buy it.

But you've managed to serve up a stream of stories that capture my interest and show original plots. 4*

@gordo12 Re: Mark

Mark walked away like a "good little boy" because he truly love these people, and could/would never hurt them more than he already had.

Remember, the built a house on the property so that he could still be involved in his child's life.