All Comments on 'Sisters of the Fallen'

Are you sure that you are not Anne Rice writing under pseudonym?

Actually you are probably the better writer ;-)

This is a complex, engaging and well thought out story that could take home the first prize. Your main problem are readers with a short attention span who might balk at the size of this read. As such it would probably have worked better as a series. But then again, that would disqualify it from the competition.

The last chapters were a little to expository btw. You are telling what happened rather than letting the characters show us. Chapter 6 The Fallen Ones have no dialogue at all. I have a feeling that the story might have been a little too big for the space available and you therefore decided to compress the ending. A time skip would probably have worked better here.

Nitpicking aside though, thank you for an engaging read and good luck.

Thanks. Highly entertaining. Nicely crafted tale.

Please more.

Best tale of its length ive read here.

Very original. It's so hard to find gothic horror in vampire fiction these days, so it's very nice to have another piece of work in the genre.

However, it would be great if your story was more consistent, without for example the narrative establishing Bela as the sister that was loved by all other sisters and then making her the perpetrator of their parents' demise. This is not the only inconsistency, rather the most obvious one. There are others. I think you need to work more on your characters and maybe have their personalities and relationships with others kept in a separate document that you could consult while writing the story.

Also, in your pre-epilogue you fail to mention what happened to Loredana. It's as if she's not one of the main characters (well, she probably isn't, with Bianca and Mirella taking the spotlight, but the pre-epilogue includes Bella, so it would be more consistent to include Loredana as well, I think).

Alltogether, however, I'm so starved for gothic horror, especially erotica, that this is easily one of my favorite stories on literotica.

Should make this into a book and publish it.

Highly erotic and well-written, and the ending was very strong.

I really want to rate this epic and expertly written vampire novel as high as possible, but you have entered it into a Halloween themed contest where it clearly doesn't belong. Therefore I have to judge it in that context, and viewed as a Halloween story it is unfortunately somewhat lacking.

I hope you keep writing though. You are very good at it.

I want to remain humble and not get too full myself. Buuuuut... WOOOOOOOOO!!!! First place! The contest winner icon next to my story is worth more to me than the cash prize, that's for sure. So happy that nearly a year of writing and editing paid off with one of the highest forms of recognition you can receive at this website. I want to thank the others who submitted stories to the contest as well. I read some of them and thought I had no chance!

Dark, foreboding and definitely more what I think Vampyr are like than what sappy YA books portray. Great work.

I do hope that I am right in thinking that the end is a set up for another story where Mirela and Bianka work together to destroy Şarpe and Loredana.

Bring the story full circle where the two worth saving are saved at the end, even if the saving kills them (the story still needs to be dark after all) ^_^

Absolutely amazing story. It took me while to read simply due to life events, but immensely enjoyed and would love to see more next year!!!

Was just wondering when the next segment of Invasion of the Pussy Snatchers would be coming out?

This was my first time reading in this category. Really surprised by this story. A bit uncomfortable, but overall I really liked it. The plot and characters were pretty well done. Don't make us wait another year for the sequel...

What an amazing story. I loved the detail, the way the corruption of each sister was drawn out with fantastic detail (so many vampire stories have the victim succumbing to death within seconds of being taken). And the level of eroticism is mind-blowing. I will certainly be rereading multiple times

Great story. Hope to see the sequel this year.

Really want to know what happened to Bianca th e beast!

Can’t wait more more more. Thanks for sharing!

With great anticipation for the what's next, please write soon!

Please more!

I can’t wait till Halloween!

Soooooooooo Sadddddddddddddddddddddddd!

Can’t wait for the sequel!!!!

A griping tale, that truly plays with the readers emotional strings. Thank you!

This tale was a great read. I was aroused at times, angry at others, and even sad at some parts. It is well woven and well told. The erotic elements lend so much to the depravity of it all, and really form a good core of the fall of the sisters.

I do wish that you hadn't gone for the sibling betrayal trope. As time goes on these days, I have begun to just assume siblings will just betray each other now. I also loved Bianca's character. Her end was heart rending more than anyone's.

All in all, this was deserving of the contest win, and should be the kind of thing that adult fiction is held up to.

Very well written. Loved it!

I greatly enjoyed this gripping tale of erotic horror, and recommend investing the time it takes to read it. It is, on the whole, full of fresh ideas and avoids boring cliches. In a vampire tale, that's hard to do. So, read and enjoy!

5 stars. I like how imaginative horror stories can be, but I'm a lightweight and I dislike intense cruelty and gore. At times this story was becoming too much for me. I kept reading because I was drawn to the characters of the sisters and I really wanted to know what happened. I'm pleased by the fairly happy ending. I see that there are two more stories in this series, and I'm planning to read them next. Hoping that Mirela and Bianca's relationship grows.