The first one was okay, but I hated the manipulating friends. Now we see why at least one of them wanted the two of them back together. Good story. Best of the day. I see Randi edited for you. I think she does half the guys on here. Keep writing, I'll keep reading.
Sbrooksx103 , Im glad that you tweaked BG33 ' s original story to become a little bit more palatable for my tastes.
The biggest problem I had with the original was Tom and Mary's actions . It is very difficult and awkward for close friends of a divorcing couple , but when you secretly conspire with one against the other ( especially the one who cheated ) , in my humble opinion , that's terms for termination of the friendship . It's OK , IMO , to be supportive , but NOT to get involved in scheming . It's just very poor form.
Throwing Connie and Tom together seemed an appropriate metaphor for what I'm railing about.
Good job old friend !
5 *'s from me.
P.S. BigGuy 33 , glad you allowed Sbrooksx103 the opportunity to carry your original idea forward. There used to be a lot of this in Lit in years past , but it seems to have fallen out of favor lately. I think it's a sign of the original story having such an affect on someone that makes them want to expand on the storyline , that it shows the effect it had. That's a good thing IMHO.
Ok you fixed the disaster that was the original. However, I never seen a more idiotic pair of cheaters in my life. Stupid just doesn't cover what they are. I've read a tale which a brother was screwing his sister-in-law just to make sure she didn't cheat with anyone else. Here at least they didn't renew their vows and, if continued, our hero would undoubtedly be bedding down his ex-friends soon to be ex-wife while the cheaters will drift apart because now the excitement of cheating is gone. Five Stars. Keep fixing the crap.
by
Anonymous10/07/16
read a lot of the comments you post...
well done with the story. cant say anything other than it was perfect. i really do appreciate how you structure & breakdown your view abt a story in your comments. keep up the good work, thanks for writing in.
by
Anonymous10/07/16
No!
This story should never have been written. It destroyed the original totally.
by
Anonymous10/07/16
What kind of ending is that? Also you got a bit confused with names at one point.
I had felt a very bad feeling about this. I sense there was a great disturbance in the Farce.
Gone it is. The disturbance in the farce has ended it has!
They are both disappointing. In both cases Henry gets fucked over. In the first one his friends scheme to get him back together with a woman who PROVED that she was a terrible wife. Where is the logic in that? She was a terrible wife that cheated on a young marriage long before the road got hard. Why would you want him to remarry her, and likely have kids - just so she could screw over a whole family next time. That's right, people don't change. Some of us will cheat, while some of us would never cheat. She is a cheater, a horrible choice for a wife and worse - a mother!
In the second story, it plays out, she cheats on him within a very short time. That can only mean that not only does she have next to no self control, she is also likely mentally ill. Tom took advantage of her mental illness and lack of control. That makes him even worse than she is. Mary gets to enjoy the irony of her foolish meddling as she goes through her divorce (if she is smart enough to get a divorce). In both stories, a wiser man would have been able to see the situation for what it was and see no future in associating with any of the conspirators.
by
Anonymous10/07/16
I like the theme of this presentation
some are are never able to cut the cord of being unfaithful. 5
by
Anonymous10/07/16
Should Have kept Your Beck Out
S Brookes whatever or something should have kept your sticky beak out of it. Story was worse than the original
The original is well written and I liked the first part of Big Guy's story but they ending made no sense to me. Your sequel put things into a more rational perspective. Great story. Your writing keeps improving.
I liked this end better than the original...But those two must be really stupid people to cheat like that...if it wasn't the boyfriend (ex-husband) it would have been the wife...She didn't loved her Ex...she loved the confort and support and safety he gave to her...4*
"What happened next?" and want everything spelled out. Short stories are a glimpse in time, and like life, have no true ending until death. This was an attempt to give the portion of the readers here that dislike reconciliation the satisfaction of seeing how the couple fared when they got back together. Many readers where annoyed he took the wife back, so why not write a story about coming home early and catching her cheat? The reason to not write it is you get a story like this. It was written okay, but was cliché driven and lacked emotion. It pleased those readers that "knew" she would cheat again, because "that's what cheaters do". I would worry more about hooking up with a woman this damn dumb than about her keeping her legs together. I guess I feel this story simply pandered to those that want cheaters unhappy, punished, and exposed as dumber than a box of rocks.
Many times, I see readers (mostly anonies) "finishing" an author's story by adding their own ending. If a story ends with a reconciliation, for example, some anony will write a comment with something like, "and then the cheating whore fucked the milkman and they divorced!" or "and then the husband finally grew a set of balls and chopped her head off with an ax and fed it to his dog!"
This feels like one of those anony comments.
BigGuy wrote a story where (for once) the ex-wife wasn't a soulless bitch with a brain made of straw. She made a terrible mistake and she owned up to it. She learned from her mistake and grew as a person. She became a better person because of the mistake she made and begged for her ex-husband to give her another chance.
Then sbrooks came along and turned her into the same evil, soulless, brain-dead BTB trope that we've seen a million times in this category. Does everyone feel better now?
You're certainly entitled to your opinion about the story, but you are not entitled to ascribe motives to somebody that you don't even know! I was NOT attempting to give anyone satisfaction or pander to anyone.
I have no problem with reconciliation. I wrote one myself, "In Love We Trust".
My problem with the original was two-fold: His friends' refusal to respect his wishes and force him back together with his ex, and the nature of the reconciliation - kiss-kiss, fuck-fuck, and all is well, no working out of their issues.
I'm sorry that you felt that it lacked emotion. I'm obviously prejudiced, but far better writers than I am disagree with you.
Tying it all up. BigGuy33 was kind enough to give you the shot and you played a nice game. This is the second "finish the story" piece I've worked on from a story by that author. I'm proud of him that he allows writers to do that. It shows a level of security and maturity that many don't have. Of course, you'll get the usual criticism from the tools in the cheap seats who can't stand for cheaters to have less than completely fulfilling cheating experiences. The answer to that is, "Yes, I do want to permanently remove this comment." Nice job.
Us commenters have the "right" to state our opinions, which you have the right to delete. I actually stated that, in my opinion, the story pandered to certain types of readers, not that the writer of the story pandered to anything. Apparently, that isn't your opinion of your story. That's fine. To you, it's a brilliant follow up of a story that just didn't make you happy. Now you made you happy with a real ending that presents the truth as it exists in your world. That's great, but it isn't my world.
Am I going way out on a limb and making assumptions that are wrong? That may be, but why do you care how dumb I can be, and why would I care if you don't like my comment? These comment sections are for the reader to give an opinion on a story, not argue with the writer. I do not claim any special skills or qualifications. I am simply giving an opinion. Do not expect every opinion to stroke your ego. You are improving and you're working hard in many facets of Literotica. Opinions can be wrong, offensive, and insulting, but they are fun to make, as well as to read. After a few dozen stories, you will become less offended and more amused at comments that find fault with your effort. This is no place to be sensitive. Never let commenters know that they annoy you. It fuels their blood lust.
I both like the tale and wonder about it. We didn't really get enough into either character in the first part to know them at a deep level. The female lead sounded contrite and had learned her lesson, but we really didn't know her. The male lead admitted his longing for her and his pain at her betrayal, but we never really knew him and how he had reacted the first time, other than divorce. This story explores them deeper, but I wonder if they are the same as what bigguy had envisioned? 4* for a good story that may or may not compliment the first part. Thanks for sharing!
that had some good moments and was an enjoyable story. Biguy had "they lived happily ever after"..and Sbrook penned another ending. Both enjoyable submissions-but as different as vanilla and chocolate ice cream.
No BTB, no over the top special forces crap, just real people who have had to face real problems and betrayal.
I've been pondering this some and while I admit to impaired pondering, I pose this. Dante puts adultery lust and sexual impurity at the 2nd level of hell (I think) but betrayal and treachery at the very bottom of the pit at level 9 as I remember it. Why are so many willing to look only at the sex and the adultery and give the betrayal and treachery a pass?
In your story there were real consequences for real actions, like real life. I for one thank you and hope for more from you. A fine continuation.
by
Anonymous10/07/16
I have come to this conclusion after visiting this site for more then ten years. First, there are many people who are seriously disturbed with what they view as arousing and enjoyable. Humiliation and degrading someone especially someone you claim to love is totally fucked up. To get off on anything like that says a lot about a persons character. On the other hand, to many people come here for therapy. I understand that many have had bad marriages and spouses cheat on them and I do sympathize with them, but this is definitely not the place for them to find answers or get through their grief and anger. I enjoy great stories, this one I'm sorry was not. I'm not criticizing sbrooks103x as an author, I feel it was unnecessary more then anything. The original one was good as a flash, not needing a sequel, and if it did, I feel it is better to leave it to the original author. They know their characters best, if someone feels the urge to write something of similar circumstances then write your own original story with your own characters going in the direction you feel those characters take you. I have enjoyed reading great stories in many of the genres of loving wives, I look for a story with great characters who are multi-dimensional, tension and emotion to make me feel for the fate of those characters, and above all, a story that overtakes my mind and makes me question how I would react to those circumstances...
P.S... on another note, if by any chance Harddaysknight happens to read this as I've noticed a couple of your comments on this story, your story "In my Life" has always been a great read and re-read for me. I realize it's in a different category but I've always enjoyed it and wanted to compliment you for it and would love to read a new tale set in the wild west by yourself....cheers.
by
Anonymous10/07/16
Tiny Point
All authors need to recheck their stories several times to avoid the mix up of names that this story contains.
by
Anonymous10/07/16
Why do I think
That the cast list is longer than the characters list.
I really Can't figure out who cheated on who?
Maybe Mary and her husband Tom cheated together or was it Mike, whoever that guy is, that cheated with Henry or did Henry screw Mary, no I think Mike and Henry cheated on Tom, But why did Mary divorce Connie.
Aw Forget it let them all marry each other they deserve to put up with each other
...but unfortunately that wasn't a high bar to surpass.
by
Anonymous10/07/16
Not really much better.
Make the plot turn on Tom and Connie suddenly fucking just goes contrary to the characters in the original story. Where before there was only one stupid person, now there are four.
It seems to me that most commentators missed the problem in BigGuy's story. It wasn't that Henry took Carol back, it was that there was no reason to believe that she would behave differently in the future. Carol had a flawed character that led to her cheating. Unless there's a reason to believe that she overcame that flaw a reconciliation is not possible. The fact that there's great sexual chemistry between them doesn't change that.
Sbrooks corrected that problem with this story. 5*
You've already explained that you didn't decide to write this follow-up in order to pander to the BTB crowd, and that begs the question: why DID you write this? Was BigGuy'a original ending too implausible? Is it so hard to imagine a woman realizing the error of her ways and seek forgiveness and a second chance? Do you subscribe to the "once a cheater, always a cheater" philosophy?
Personally, I enjoy stories about people who become better people through learning from their mistakes. BigGuy's original tale was uplifting and optimistic. Your alternate ending felt depressing and fatalistic. If there can never be redemption, then what's the point of living? We've all made mistakes to one degree or another.
by
Anonymous10/08/16
You've got your own literary problems
Take care of your own business and keep your nose out of BigGuy's territory.
You don't owe an explanation to anyone. This is a free site, open to the registered public and you can post any damn thing you want without explaining a damn thing. If you're happy with it, that's all that matters. I'm happy with it. It's always a mistake to answer your critics. Just move on. If they don't like it, let them write their own damn story.
Wishing you luck! Regrets that the cheating spouse got off free once again. That sucks!
As it always is and always was: Once a cheater, always a cheating spouse. The spots of a Leopard never change. To the author - to bad, you didn't torch the bitch, the rating would be much higher.
by
Anonymous10/08/16
waste of time and space
not sure why you wrote it... you certainly didn't add anything to the original story.
- And Tom and Mary didn't seem to make much sense a . . . but what the heck, as good a way to mess with an ending as any . . . as I said . . . fun read!
by
Anonymous10/08/16
Boring Cliche Drivel
Did the idea that the characters got back together bother you that much that you had to write a sequel to appease your sense of justice. You add nothing to the original story. You provide zero motivation as to why Connie would cheat again after working so hard to get back but I doubt you felt that you needed any motivation since I suspect you firmly believe in the cliché "Once a cheater always a cheater".
No, I DON'T believe in "Once a cheater, always a cheater!" I think if Connie settled down with a nice, 9-to-5, limited travel guy she likely would never cheat again.
But Connie put herself back into the same situation that led to her previous infidelity, and while Henry may have thought they dealt with the issue, though not completely, hence his reluctance to re-marry, and she was at best deluding herself that she had. As I had Henry say, once she realized she couldn't take his work schedule she should have made a clean break, saved them all the pain.
My problem with the original was that it was too RAAC for me. I didn't consider being divorced from Henry enough of a consequence. I know others differ with me, even people I highly respect, that's life.
I don't believe I have deleted any comments, I MAY have deleted an abusive Anon, but I NEVER delete comments with Id's, I respond to them!
As for re-writing, I have NO problem with anyone re-writing stories. As I said on the Boards, I would be HONORED if someone wanted to take something I wrote and re-work it! It would mean that I wrote something that they cared about, and that there was enough value in my basic premise to be worth working with!
As for the criticism, someone basically claimed that they knew better than me what was going on in my characters heads, which is impossible!
You can criticize my writing, my plots, what my characters DO, but only I know what they think. You may believe that he/she thinking that is illogical, or foolish or that YOU couldn't/wouldn't think that, and please feel free to say that, but you can't know that they DON'T think that!
Careful there, dude. Clean up before you go outside. People usually react with fear when they see others spraying spittle and foam. They'll think you have rabies. You've forgotten, BigGuy33 gave his permission to SBrooks to write this. Props to you, man. If the original author gives his permission, who are you, FLC, to complain? Everyone deletes your comments. No one likes graffiti in their comments section. You should calm down. The men in white coats are looking for you since your escape. Don't want to give your location away.
Although you didn't quite answer my question, your answer to anony's question was enlightening. It seems that Connie cheated because Henry left her alone too often. She simply lacked the self discipline to control her lady parts and deny herself some carnal pleasure while Henry was away. This is a bleak interpretation of the original character, and it feels like a bleak interpretation of women in general.
The reality is that women have far more self discipline than men when it comes to sex. An old saying no goes that women cheat out of spite, and men cheat out of opportunity. The sad truth is that women have far more opportunities to cheat than men. Even an unattractive woman can find a willing partner at any given moment. Even attractive men have to work much harder to get laid. Women, therefore, have to deny temptation on an almost daily basis.
But then, if you had written a realistic ending where Henry cheats on Connie, the BTB crowd would hate you for it. Easier to blame the woman.
YOU'RE the one ascribing the interpretation to women in general, I don't believe I portrayed Mary in anything but an honorable way, maybe too loyal to her female friend at the expense of her friendship with Henry, but certainly not a bad person. Tom cheated, not only on his wife but on his best friend. Would you say that that is a bleak interpretation on men in general?
Connie was the one who tried to blame her cheating on him leaving her alone so much.
While women in general MAY (I don't know so I won't dispute this) be able to better control their libido, Connie obviously wasn't.
As for Henry cheating on Connie, the fact that he was so broken up by her cheating that he hasn't even dated in the 16 months since the divorce makes that highly unlikely! I wasn't trying to re-write the story, just picking up where BigGuy left off.
Frankly, I wouldn't have bothered if the reconciliation a) came with more consequences, and b) wasn't so Deus ex Machina
You talking about anyone being thin skinned is definitely the pot calling the kettle black.
You have commented on numerous stories through the years about how you are actually a writer and posted on Lit under a different account, until the abuse you received by the commenters was just too much to handle.
Then you just created a new account so that you can be abusive to other writers without any consequences. So doing exactly what you say you hate others doing.
That's a true definition of hypocrisy.
I may only be a reader, but even I can figure that out.
by
Anonymous10/09/16
Cuckold apologist garbage. Blame the man, then let the cunt walk away free. That's no better than having a rabid dog you don't put down. You should be held responsible for the next man this cheating cunt hurts. Just as bad as the first story.
English
Much more satisfying ending
The first one was okay, but I hated the manipulating friends. Now we see why at least one of them wanted the two of them back together. Good story. Best of the day. I see Randi edited for you. I think she does half the guys on here. Keep writing, I'll keep reading.
How did this get such a high score?
There's nothing to it.
Well, I liked it
I think it deserves the high score. Hey, man, nice shot. Well written and entertaining. Drama, tension and a resolution. I like.
Great followup
Sbrooksx103 , Im glad that you tweaked BG33 ' s original story to become a little bit more palatable for my tastes.
The biggest problem I had with the original was Tom and Mary's actions . It is very difficult and awkward for close friends of a divorcing couple , but when you secretly conspire with one against the other ( especially the one who cheated ) , in my humble opinion , that's terms for termination of the friendship . It's OK , IMO , to be supportive , but NOT to get involved in scheming . It's just very poor form.
Throwing Connie and Tom together seemed an appropriate metaphor for what I'm railing about.
Good job old friend !
5 *'s from me.
P.S. BigGuy 33 , glad you allowed Sbrooksx103 the opportunity to carry your original idea forward. There used to be a lot of this in Lit in years past , but it seems to have fallen out of favor lately. I think it's a sign of the original story having such an affect on someone that makes them want to expand on the storyline , that it shows the effect it had. That's a good thing IMHO.
Nice
Ok you fixed the disaster that was the original. However, I never seen a more idiotic pair of cheaters in my life. Stupid just doesn't cover what they are. I've read a tale which a brother was screwing his sister-in-law just to make sure she didn't cheat with anyone else. Here at least they didn't renew their vows and, if continued, our hero would undoubtedly be bedding down his ex-friends soon to be ex-wife while the cheaters will drift apart because now the excitement of cheating is gone. Five Stars. Keep fixing the crap.
read a lot of the comments you post...
well done with the story. cant say anything other than it was perfect. i really do appreciate how you structure & breakdown your view abt a story in your comments. keep up the good work, thanks for writing in.
No!
This story should never have been written. It destroyed the original totally.
What kind of ending is that? Also you got a bit confused with names at one point.
Emotions
Where was the emotions it was a flat story.
WHY GO AGAINST YOUR INTERNAL EGO
and then expect a different outcome of the same problem, TK U MLJ LV NV
Shit
And poorly written shit to boot.
Thank - You
I had felt a very bad feeling about this. I sense there was a great disturbance in the Farce.
Gone it is. The disturbance in the farce has ended it has!
Read Both
They are both disappointing. In both cases Henry gets fucked over. In the first one his friends scheme to get him back together with a woman who PROVED that she was a terrible wife. Where is the logic in that? She was a terrible wife that cheated on a young marriage long before the road got hard. Why would you want him to remarry her, and likely have kids - just so she could screw over a whole family next time. That's right, people don't change. Some of us will cheat, while some of us would never cheat. She is a cheater, a horrible choice for a wife and worse - a mother!
In the second story, it plays out, she cheats on him within a very short time. That can only mean that not only does she have next to no self control, she is also likely mentally ill. Tom took advantage of her mental illness and lack of control. That makes him even worse than she is. Mary gets to enjoy the irony of her foolish meddling as she goes through her divorce (if she is smart enough to get a divorce). In both stories, a wiser man would have been able to see the situation for what it was and see no future in associating with any of the conspirators.
I like the theme of this presentation
some are are never able to cut the cord of being unfaithful. 5
Should Have kept Your Beck Out
S Brookes whatever or something should have kept your sticky beak out of it. Story was worse than the original
The sequel better than the original
The original is well written and I liked the first part of Big Guy's story but they ending made no sense to me. Your sequel put things into a more rational perspective. Great story. Your writing keeps improving.
I liked this end better than the original...
I liked this end better than the original...But those two must be really stupid people to cheat like that...if it wasn't the boyfriend (ex-husband) it would have been the wife...She didn't loved her Ex...she loved the confort and support and safety he gave to her...4*
Good follow up
Good follow up - predictable but good writing. I liked how it put a ending to BigGuy33s' story.
Please keep writing and I will keep reading.
So many readers ask
"What happened next?" and want everything spelled out. Short stories are a glimpse in time, and like life, have no true ending until death. This was an attempt to give the portion of the readers here that dislike reconciliation the satisfaction of seeing how the couple fared when they got back together. Many readers where annoyed he took the wife back, so why not write a story about coming home early and catching her cheat? The reason to not write it is you get a story like this. It was written okay, but was cliché driven and lacked emotion. It pleased those readers that "knew" she would cheat again, because "that's what cheaters do". I would worry more about hooking up with a woman this damn dumb than about her keeping her legs together. I guess I feel this story simply pandered to those that want cheaters unhappy, punished, and exposed as dumber than a box of rocks.
Ugh
Many times, I see readers (mostly anonies) "finishing" an author's story by adding their own ending. If a story ends with a reconciliation, for example, some anony will write a comment with something like, "and then the cheating whore fucked the milkman and they divorced!" or "and then the husband finally grew a set of balls and chopped her head off with an ax and fed it to his dog!"
This feels like one of those anony comments.
BigGuy wrote a story where (for once) the ex-wife wasn't a soulless bitch with a brain made of straw. She made a terrible mistake and she owned up to it. She learned from her mistake and grew as a person. She became a better person because of the mistake she made and begged for her ex-husband to give her another chance.
Then sbrooks came along and turned her into the same evil, soulless, brain-dead BTB trope that we've seen a million times in this category. Does everyone feel better now?
@Harddaysknight
You're certainly entitled to your opinion about the story, but you are not entitled to ascribe motives to somebody that you don't even know! I was NOT attempting to give anyone satisfaction or pander to anyone.
I have no problem with reconciliation. I wrote one myself, "In Love We Trust".
My problem with the original was two-fold: His friends' refusal to respect his wishes and force him back together with his ex, and the nature of the reconciliation - kiss-kiss, fuck-fuck, and all is well, no working out of their issues.
I'm sorry that you felt that it lacked emotion. I'm obviously prejudiced, but far better writers than I am disagree with you.
Sweet
Tying it all up. BigGuy33 was kind enough to give you the shot and you played a nice game. This is the second "finish the story" piece I've worked on from a story by that author. I'm proud of him that he allows writers to do that. It shows a level of security and maturity that many don't have. Of course, you'll get the usual criticism from the tools in the cheap seats who can't stand for cheaters to have less than completely fulfilling cheating experiences. The answer to that is, "Yes, I do want to permanently remove this comment." Nice job.
Sbrooks, chill out.
Us commenters have the "right" to state our opinions, which you have the right to delete. I actually stated that, in my opinion, the story pandered to certain types of readers, not that the writer of the story pandered to anything. Apparently, that isn't your opinion of your story. That's fine. To you, it's a brilliant follow up of a story that just didn't make you happy. Now you made you happy with a real ending that presents the truth as it exists in your world. That's great, but it isn't my world.
Am I going way out on a limb and making assumptions that are wrong? That may be, but why do you care how dumb I can be, and why would I care if you don't like my comment? These comment sections are for the reader to give an opinion on a story, not argue with the writer. I do not claim any special skills or qualifications. I am simply giving an opinion. Do not expect every opinion to stroke your ego. You are improving and you're working hard in many facets of Literotica. Opinions can be wrong, offensive, and insulting, but they are fun to make, as well as to read. After a few dozen stories, you will become less offended and more amused at comments that find fault with your effort. This is no place to be sensitive. Never let commenters know that they annoy you. It fuels their blood lust.
Interesting follow up
I both like the tale and wonder about it. We didn't really get enough into either character in the first part to know them at a deep level. The female lead sounded contrite and had learned her lesson, but we really didn't know her. The male lead admitted his longing for her and his pain at her betrayal, but we never really knew him and how he had reacted the first time, other than divorce. This story explores them deeper, but I wonder if they are the same as what bigguy had envisioned? 4* for a good story that may or may not compliment the first part. Thanks for sharing!
NIce tale of one possible path
that had some good moments and was an enjoyable story. Biguy had "they lived happily ever after"..and Sbrook penned another ending. Both enjoyable submissions-but as different as vanilla and chocolate ice cream.
Excellent just excellent
No BTB, no over the top special forces crap, just real people who have had to face real problems and betrayal.
I've been pondering this some and while I admit to impaired pondering, I pose this. Dante puts adultery lust and sexual impurity at the 2nd level of hell (I think) but betrayal and treachery at the very bottom of the pit at level 9 as I remember it. Why are so many willing to look only at the sex and the adultery and give the betrayal and treachery a pass?
In your story there were real consequences for real actions, like real life. I for one thank you and hope for more from you. A fine continuation.
I have come to this conclusion after visiting this site for more then ten years. First, there are many people who are seriously disturbed with what they view as arousing and enjoyable. Humiliation and degrading someone especially someone you claim to love is totally fucked up. To get off on anything like that says a lot about a persons character. On the other hand, to many people come here for therapy. I understand that many have had bad marriages and spouses cheat on them and I do sympathize with them, but this is definitely not the place for them to find answers or get through their grief and anger. I enjoy great stories, this one I'm sorry was not. I'm not criticizing sbrooks103x as an author, I feel it was unnecessary more then anything. The original one was good as a flash, not needing a sequel, and if it did, I feel it is better to leave it to the original author. They know their characters best, if someone feels the urge to write something of similar circumstances then write your own original story with your own characters going in the direction you feel those characters take you. I have enjoyed reading great stories in many of the genres of loving wives, I look for a story with great characters who are multi-dimensional, tension and emotion to make me feel for the fate of those characters, and above all, a story that overtakes my mind and makes me question how I would react to those circumstances...
P.S... on another note, if by any chance Harddaysknight happens to read this as I've noticed a couple of your comments on this story, your story "In my Life" has always been a great read and re-read for me. I realize it's in a different category but I've always enjoyed it and wanted to compliment you for it and would love to read a new tale set in the wild west by yourself....cheers.
Tiny Point
All authors need to recheck their stories several times to avoid the mix up of names that this story contains.
Why do I think
That the cast list is longer than the characters list.
I really Can't figure out who cheated on who?
Maybe Mary and her husband Tom cheated together or was it Mike, whoever that guy is, that cheated with Henry or did Henry screw Mary, no I think Mike and Henry cheated on Tom, But why did Mary divorce Connie.
Aw Forget it let them all marry each other they deserve to put up with each other
Better than the original
...but unfortunately that wasn't a high bar to surpass.
Not really much better.
Make the plot turn on Tom and Connie suddenly fucking just goes contrary to the characters in the original story. Where before there was only one stupid person, now there are four.
1*
he's still a wimp and a moron.
Excellent
It seems to me that most commentators missed the problem in BigGuy's story. It wasn't that Henry took Carol back, it was that there was no reason to believe that she would behave differently in the future. Carol had a flawed character that led to her cheating. Unless there's a reason to believe that she overcame that flaw a reconciliation is not possible. The fact that there's great sexual chemistry between them doesn't change that.
Sbrooks corrected that problem with this story. 5*
@Anonymous Re: "Not really much better"
The plot DIDN'T turn on Tom and Connie suddenly fucking.
It DID turn on her cheating AGAIN, and Tom himself gives the explanation for the change in their characters, as warped as their logic might have been.
@ sbrooks
You've already explained that you didn't decide to write this follow-up in order to pander to the BTB crowd, and that begs the question: why DID you write this? Was BigGuy'a original ending too implausible? Is it so hard to imagine a woman realizing the error of her ways and seek forgiveness and a second chance? Do you subscribe to the "once a cheater, always a cheater" philosophy?
Personally, I enjoy stories about people who become better people through learning from their mistakes. BigGuy's original tale was uplifting and optimistic. Your alternate ending felt depressing and fatalistic. If there can never be redemption, then what's the point of living? We've all made mistakes to one degree or another.
You've got your own literary problems
Take care of your own business and keep your nose out of BigGuy's territory.
SBrooks
You don't owe an explanation to anyone. This is a free site, open to the registered public and you can post any damn thing you want without explaining a damn thing. If you're happy with it, that's all that matters. I'm happy with it. It's always a mistake to answer your critics. Just move on. If they don't like it, let them write their own damn story.
Good Read****
Thanks for sharing.
Wishing you luck! Regrets that the cheating spouse got off free once again. That sucks!
As it always is and always was: Once a cheater, always a cheating spouse. The spots of a Leopard never change. To the author - to bad, you didn't torch the bitch, the rating would be much higher.
waste of time and space
not sure why you wrote it... you certainly didn't add anything to the original story.
Fun to read - but quite a stretch
- And Tom and Mary didn't seem to make much sense a . . . but what the heck, as good a way to mess with an ending as any . . . as I said . . . fun read!
Boring Cliche Drivel
Did the idea that the characters got back together bother you that much that you had to write a sequel to appease your sense of justice. You add nothing to the original story. You provide zero motivation as to why Connie would cheat again after working so hard to get back but I doubt you felt that you needed any motivation since I suspect you firmly believe in the cliché "Once a cheater always a cheater".
Liked it
Good read liked it , don't worry about the inbreds comments .
@Anonymous Re: "Boring Cliche Drivel
No, I DON'T believe in "Once a cheater, always a cheater!" I think if Connie settled down with a nice, 9-to-5, limited travel guy she likely would never cheat again.
But Connie put herself back into the same situation that led to her previous infidelity, and while Henry may have thought they dealt with the issue, though not completely, hence his reluctance to re-marry, and she was at best deluding herself that she had. As I had Henry say, once she realized she couldn't take his work schedule she should have made a clean break, saved them all the pain.
My problem with the original was that it was too RAAC for me. I didn't consider being divorced from Henry enough of a consequence. I know others differ with me, even people I highly respect, that's life.
@FLC
I don't believe I have deleted any comments, I MAY have deleted an abusive Anon, but I NEVER delete comments with Id's, I respond to them!
As for re-writing, I have NO problem with anyone re-writing stories. As I said on the Boards, I would be HONORED if someone wanted to take something I wrote and re-work it! It would mean that I wrote something that they cared about, and that there was enough value in my basic premise to be worth working with!
As for the criticism, someone basically claimed that they knew better than me what was going on in my characters heads, which is impossible!
You can criticize my writing, my plots, what my characters DO, but only I know what they think. You may believe that he/she thinking that is illogical, or foolish or that YOU couldn't/wouldn't think that, and please feel free to say that, but you can't know that they DON'T think that!
@fronlinecaster
Careful there, dude. Clean up before you go outside. People usually react with fear when they see others spraying spittle and foam. They'll think you have rabies. You've forgotten, BigGuy33 gave his permission to SBrooks to write this. Props to you, man. If the original author gives his permission, who are you, FLC, to complain? Everyone deletes your comments. No one likes graffiti in their comments section. You should calm down. The men in white coats are looking for you since your escape. Don't want to give your location away.
@ sbrooks
Although you didn't quite answer my question, your answer to anony's question was enlightening. It seems that Connie cheated because Henry left her alone too often. She simply lacked the self discipline to control her lady parts and deny herself some carnal pleasure while Henry was away. This is a bleak interpretation of the original character, and it feels like a bleak interpretation of women in general.
The reality is that women have far more self discipline than men when it comes to sex. An old saying no goes that women cheat out of spite, and men cheat out of opportunity. The sad truth is that women have far more opportunities to cheat than men. Even an unattractive woman can find a willing partner at any given moment. Even attractive men have to work much harder to get laid. Women, therefore, have to deny temptation on an almost daily basis.
But then, if you had written a realistic ending where Henry cheats on Connie, the BTB crowd would hate you for it. Easier to blame the woman.
@SJ
YOU'RE the one ascribing the interpretation to women in general, I don't believe I portrayed Mary in anything but an honorable way, maybe too loyal to her female friend at the expense of her friendship with Henry, but certainly not a bad person. Tom cheated, not only on his wife but on his best friend. Would you say that that is a bleak interpretation on men in general?
Connie was the one who tried to blame her cheating on him leaving her alone so much.
While women in general MAY (I don't know so I won't dispute this) be able to better control their libido, Connie obviously wasn't.
As for Henry cheating on Connie, the fact that he was so broken up by her cheating that he hasn't even dated in the 16 months since the divorce makes that highly unlikely! I wasn't trying to re-write the story, just picking up where BigGuy left off.
Frankly, I wouldn't have bothered if the reconciliation a) came with more consequences, and b) wasn't so Deus ex Machina
@flc
You talking about anyone being thin skinned is definitely the pot calling the kettle black.
You have commented on numerous stories through the years about how you are actually a writer and posted on Lit under a different account, until the abuse you received by the commenters was just too much to handle.
Then you just created a new account so that you can be abusive to other writers without any consequences. So doing exactly what you say you hate others doing.
That's a true definition of hypocrisy.
I may only be a reader, but even I can figure that out.
Cuckold apologist garbage. Blame the man, then let the cunt walk away free. That's no better than having a rabid dog you don't put down. You should be held responsible for the next man this cheating cunt hurts. Just as bad as the first story.
Click here to leave your own comment on this submission! or
Back to A Beautiful View Redux or
More submissions by sbrooks103x.