But I was actually looking forward to you resolving the central conflict you built up through the rest of the story. You set the stage for a confrontation and then side step with a side show reveal using a new character. Amusing, but I was hoping for more.
Felt like you copped out at the ending even if we can fill in most of the gaps.
by
Anonymous10/12/16
Different
Not too bad. Just a little different and that's ok. Would have liked a rest of the story with a confrontation with the wife. Maybe a chapter 2?? That would be awesome.
by
Anonymous10/12/16
wtf
I would be extremely mad, that's an understatement. I think I would burn her personal stuff and ask for a divorce. But maybe it is because I am short-fused.
though I find it somewhat choppy in places. I think the fact that he got rid of the stupid bitch he was married to and went for another whore was a bit of stretch given his professed personality from the first part of the story. Oh well. Gave you a 4, not quite there for a 5 but please continue to share your talent with us. The wimp crowd and wimp stories seem to be taking over the category so we need all of the writers who have the men fight back, even just a little. Hooty-hoo
by
Anonymous10/12/16
1 star
Was going to give higher but the chopped ending ruined it.
I like a twist as much as anybody else but it felt as though you rushed into this one to finish the story off. I'd have preferred to see the story play out with the wife and friends to see how the 'party' went down along with the relationships as realisation dawned. A second chapter maybe?
I think some of the commenters are skimming and not reading to the end, but that seems to happen here a lot.
I enjoyed the little twist.
I think the " Girls night out " , though this isn't a typical one , has taken the place of the strange car in the driveway or the Honey , we have to talk as the literary device of choice in LW these days.
Phlegmatic addict trades up for a recovering strumpet soul mate
Just another twinkling, modern day parable from stev2244 deftly written about women with a determination to see her ruinous agenda thru. No kids were involvef no foul and certainly no tragedy for all parties involved. The narrator wasn't quite enough for the original wife. She knew she had a good man, but saw him as a fixed quality like the stars in the night sky. Wrong.
The end could have used a closure scene for Annette to see and realize that she had dynamited her marital koi pond ...possibly, but she was so relentlessly vapid that I can see why the kind-hearted author felt this wasn't merited and quite possibly small of spirit. " Beauty is just skin deep , but stupid goes to the bone" they say . Let's just hope Annette has been gifted with an extra capacity to learn from her mistakes, in lieu of brains and beauty. I thank stev2244 for sharing..
Look stev2244 i consider you a pretty decent writer even if your reconciliation stories are far fetched to say the least
That being said this story leaves me a littled dazed,a confrontation with the wife and some of her "friends" and a good discussion with the other husbands would have been opportune in this case,now you leave the reader with an end that is an anticlimax,surprising yes but without any transition from one part of the story to the end
Tut mir leid @stev2244 aber diese geschichte hat kopf noch fuss,bitte naechstes mal besser hoffentlich
Dyonysos,Polen
by
Anonymous10/12/16
As usual Steve2244 fucks up ANOTHER story... doesnt he EVER learn?
The story of the disaster.... you cannot have a story like this which builds up the suspense which features the husband kidnapped imprisoned against his will with a serious felony..... drugged out....a massive emasculation... a criminal conspiracy and then not have a confrontation scene. This is truly an awful story but then again everything this nutcase author writes is awful
by
Anonymous10/12/16
What?
She goes through the trouble of drugging him and paying for a high priced hooker and then doesn't go through with it? Or, are we to believe hubby is so stupid as to believe she didn't sleep with the asshole?
because they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.
Pretty funny (and subtle) ending. With the two together in the cabin for a week and Lisa giving him appraising looks, I suspected that they might end up together in the long run but the ending dealt with it so smoothly I missed it at first and was disappointed. Once I caught the true ending, it was great.
At some point when dealing with idiots you have to simply cut your losses and walk away. Personally, if someone drugged (assault and battery) and kidnapped me, I would be furious. But in the real world, what are you going to do? Have them arrested? Where is the proof? Who did it? Who got the drugs? Who gave them to me? Was it a conspiracy? Would the girls group say it was all my own idea? With rapists and murderers around, how much time would police give to tracking this down? Without going to extremes (your Navy Seal buddies), is justice really possible? Yes, it bugs me when stories don't have a just (fairy tale) ending. Mario doesn't get his dick cut off. The other conniving women aren't all divorced and living as hookers to support themselves. His wife isn't crawling on his doorstep begging for forgiveness.
However, I like this one. He moves on and is happy. Frank looks at things from a big picture perspective, "In the end, it didn't harm me at all" and considers his greatly improved (new) marriage as worth the troubles he went through. He is very happy and the outcome fits his character. Why spend time dealing with or worrying about idiots?
I wouldn't want them all to end like this but this one works for me. That means the author did a great job with characters and the words to balance things out.
Cannot believe Annette would go to the extreme of allowing her husband to be drugged in order for her group to achieve their ends.
Frank was no ones fool and did the right thing by getting out. Getting with Lisa is probably a bonus.
Would like to have known something of the aftermath concerning the group and their husbands .... how did it all play out with them eventually ? Just curious.
Well written and thanks for sharing.
I was really unsure if the name change at the end would be too subtle for some readers. In the end I decided to go for it because it would at least be fun to read the comments...
by
Anonymous10/12/16
Have to agree with many of the previous comments.
Not including the eventual confrontation with the wife robbed this tale of it's emotional payoff. Final result is OK, could have been great.
I read pretty fast and the only clues were "outside help" getting over his anger and calling his wife Lisa. I can see the plot twist aspect that is appealing, but I agree with others that you could still have done the last bit and added in the emotional confrontation with the wife.
Overall, it was a well constructed tale. This was an interesting new twist to the genre - and finding those twists is pretty difficult.
I think that the protagonist is too much of a nice guy. I would have been pretty pissed and probably not believed my wife had not had her time with Mario.
Some have commented on the name change at the end. It worked for me. This author, unlike many others, made the names very different. Lisa vs Annette. Hard not to notice the difference. Still would have liked the confrontation, but it was not necessary. Which, I suppose, means it was appropriate to leave it out.
After he had been drugged, his wife in the plot...
After he had been drugged, his wife in the plot, their marriage was as dead as a smelling fish out of the water for one week...Even if he didn't married Lisa, he would be divorced. For the twist to have more impact @stev2244 wrote: "Yes, I can honestly say that I have completely forgiven her, and helped that she never actually had sex with this Mario guy"! How could he forgiven a conniving wife that drugged him? That she fucked or not the guy, it didn't matter to him...He being what he was, shown through the story, was finished with her as soon as he woke up in that cabin...so the twist failed...As some readers say, the twist failing let the story with a hole for not telling what really happen to the lives of all the conniving women...I bet that some husbands based in his attitude had taken action too...And his wife? Did she took revenge on her "false" friends that destroyed her life? 3*
It kind of felt like a combination of JPB and HDK: the abrupt end from JPB, but instead of at the moment of confrontation or discovery, just jumped to a clever twist.
which is common with fiction. Once I accepted that this group of women was obsessed with cuckolding their husbands, the rest became believable, I enjoyed the story and the ending. The need to divorce (or murder) the wife was quite obvious once the man's character and thoughts on fidelity were revealed. Of course the wife lived with the guy and never dreamed he would resent being drugged and kidnapped. That was another place where the suspension of disbelief was required.
by
Anonymous10/12/16
Word change
Yes liked it, nice twist,
The wording you used at the end "my marriage is even better now" may have been better and more accurately "my marriage now, is even better", the one word changes it in a significant way. Thanks
OK, divorcing Annette? No brainer.
Taking up with Lisa? Hmmm...............
See, it runs absolutely opposite to the structure of love and trust that he tried to build in his first marriage. He is the kind that measures beauty from the inside, but since he was betrayed, NOW it is Ok to only see the beauty on the outside? Doesn't that make him as shallow as the rest of the ladies group that successfully destroyed his marriage?
Ok, did you need a few more pages of description to cover the confrontation, divorce, and moving on? May be, but probably not. But the reason the omission is so glaring, is that we don't have enough info as to why he suddenly became in love with Lisa. You did such a good job of relating why he isn't the type of guy to want to be with a prosti....um...."ESCORT", that the fact that he DID in the "twist" at the end, just doesn't make a lot of sense. Why would he want to marry a professional slut? Why remarry at all? All is forgiven since she is quitting to focus more on school work? I guess that was supposed to explain it, but that doesn't even begin to tell ANY of the rest of the story as to how he could now be okay with this woman and her past. The very nature of the way they met should have created a million problems that needed explaining or working through, not the least of which is him repairing his ability to trust.
So, NO, I'm not suggesting that you should have written out 4 more pages to explain. Instead, I'm explaining why him hooking up with a hooker just doesn't work for me, considering the supposedly deft switch at the end that you were going for.
My suggestion would have changed the nature of why Lisa was chosen to be the one at the cabin. Just a few sentences could have made her more believable.
What if Lisa was a sister of one of the wives in the group? She is too focused on her college course work for dating. Since her only previous experience with a guy was bad one, her sister convinces her to spend her winter break with a "nice guy". Since they are both duped into this situation (as written), it becomes the common ground on which to form the bond. I liked how you had him help her with her studies, instead of dragging her right off to bed. I just feel that this would make more sense and would remain consistent with his character.
I just really didn't like Lisa being a prostitute, even if it was fully intended to become EX-prostitute. If he could see past that, then for me it follows that he also COULD have, or even SHOULD have, been able to work past the issues in his first marriage. No, I'm not sorry one bit that you didn't RAAC. But it always helps when the motivations for change remain consistent.
I don't know, just some thoughts. I do thank you for the efforts, I WAS diverted. And, happy to see more work from you, this was the first story I read today. Anything from you is appreciated, and this was no exception. 3.4 should round down, but I gave you a 4 anyway! Thanks!
Since the other husbands were apparently all in with the game - two already had their three nights with the hot wives - exposing things to the husbands would be meaningless.
Although Stev2244 and I never discussed it during the editing process, a confrontation would have killed the twist at the end.
by
Anonymous10/12/16
The story was fine with the end being clear in the very beginning,
but the ending was too abrupt. It was just like you thought it would be a shock twist.
It wasn't and the missing confrontation was an integral part of the climax and without it the story seems incomplete.
I had to accept that, for some reason, the wives just had to have this guy and cuckold the hubbys. Once I got that into head, their willingness to do absolutely anything to achieve that was at least an acceptable twist. Annette's being so average and her need to fit in led to her being willing to sacrifice all for a shot at this guy, despite Mario's obviously unscrupulous intent.
As for ending up with Lisa the escort, I agree that it was glossed over, but in my mind I could fill in the blanks myself. She found a nice guy and he got to know her over the course of the week in the cabin. Once hubby divorced Annette they has a chance to donnect, etc. But going into that would have moved this closer to Romance and away from Loving Wives, so I can understand the jump to the end.
...the dumbest story I've read on this site. Sorry, Stev. The entire plot, from beginning to end, is so absurd I couldn't manage to suspend my disbelief for even a moment. We're supposed to believe that this gaggle of women are so juvenile, so neurotic, and so incredibly hungry for man meat that they could concoct this ridiculous scheme and go so far as to DRUG the hero in order to carry it out?
Come on, man.
The women in this story all reminded me of Edith Bunker, only a little less intelligent. The only fairly realistic character was the "escort with a heart of gold" -- which tells you everything you need to know.
This story reads like a fantasy by a frustrated, middle-aged, average-looking husband stuck in a lifeless marriage, looking for a way out. It's rather sad when you look at it that way.
I appreciate the effort here, but it just didn't work for me. I've read science fiction pieces that were more plausible than this one.
by
Anonymous10/12/16
weak ending to a good story
the ending seems rushed and incomplete, leaving lots unexplained
by
Anonymous10/12/16
When a single plot device drives the entire story, you end up with a very narrow and contrived story.
You can tell this story was started from the intended surprise ending, then all the supporting details, actions, and dialogue were worked backward from there. So it forced illogical and contradictory behaviors.
How did the wives group get interested in each others sex life, and how in the hell did they come to know Mario? Mr. deep intelligent husband never asks that question?
Once his wife proposed having sex with a stripper, giving herself to whomever of the other husbands wanted her, and telling her husband that sex didn't really have any moral or ethical connection in her mind, why didn't he immediately demand she end her relationship with this group of brainless witches, and get him and his wife into some serious marital counseling? His wife had already made the decision to become a whore, she just hadn't finalized who she would fuck, when, and how many times. You would expect that might cause an immediate halt to his trust and understanding of just who he was married to.
Why didn't he immediately call the other husbands to find out what the fuck they knew, had been told, and thought about the whole situation?
Why had the wives group already started the swapping before all the husbands had agreed to this before hand?
How come the issues of STD's, accidental pregnancy, and an opportunity for blackmail, was never raised? Good God, he's a stripper, a male whore, a manslut.
I'll stop, but there's so many obvious questions and issues this story had to avoid, all to make the surprise ending work. And of course that failed. As soon as the escort acknowledges that Frank is a handsome unbelievably good and ethical man, and all the actions of Annette demonstrate she is a brainless shallow manipulative selfish cunt, we know after spending a week together that Lisa and Frank will come to respect, enjoy, then love each other. Purporting that after spending a week together they hadn't even exchanged first names indicates just how gullible you think your readers are, or how clever you think your story was.
It really was a good plot idea, but it was poorly executed. Which is regrettable, because it really could have been a clever engaging story. It just left me feeling embarrassed, for the author. You blew it. If you hadn't been so rigid about the surprise ending, you could have created the same result with a much more believable story. This one is kind of lame. But thanks for trying.
but coulda been very good. Needed to flesh out the interaction with Annette after she picked up her husband.
by
Anonymous10/12/16
Seriously
What happened to this category/site?
Did they have a massive change over in admins/moderators or did someone have a stroke? Feels like it has been taken over by some juvenile adolescence. Maybe someone hacked their parents account?
Seriously all these depraved sharing & cuck stories are getting tired, worn out and a little disturbing/disgusting. But, then again those are fetishes anyway. Like this story SOMEONE is always left in the cold/dark. Really couples like this; why get married? Just start a commune where you share in everything. After all, those hippy communes worked out soo well...
Your story was entertaining, I appreciate you posting it. Unlike some others, who apparently think this is the Wall Street Journal site, and that no fictional license is allowed. If I preferred to read "real life" I'd pick up a newspaper! :)
I liked the twist at the end. Lisa was better looking than the coven of wives but had more character than all of them. Annette threw away the only man that thought she was more than she was. Because of her actions (which were criminal) she probably didn't get that one night with Mario and will spend the rest of her nights alone.
@Jack99 I'm not sure that Rupert's Wall Street Journal
reflects much of real life. Just saying. 😉
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Anonymous10/12/16
It's basically economics
It's a Pussy Pontiac scheme. One person drops out and the whole thing collapses like the house of cards that it is. Those who already 'cashed out' get theirs and walk off smiling. Those still waiting to cash out lose their 'investment'. Those at the bottom of the pyramid, who have invested little nothing walk away as well. Not unscathed in this case.
I've never read anything on LE that used this premise - very unique and clever. Thank you. I voted 5 ☆'s for the dialog and the depth of the plot. Please keep writing.
As for all of the pedantic would-be literary critics, if you don't like it don't read it. Better yet, write your own stories. There wasn't any cuckolding going on, no cream pie eating. The drugging threw all of the rules out the window. Lighten up!!
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Anonymous10/12/16
Idiotic!!!
A wife annoy her husband and in the end druged him for the possibility to fuck another guy and he goes along with that crap!!! You have to be quixotic!! How stupid !!!
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Anonymous10/12/16
Nice twist again
He dumps his wife and ends up with the escort Lisa .
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Anonymous10/12/16
Ummmm
You seem to be missing a chapter. I want the aftermath of this twisted Lucy and Ethyl kidnapping. The ending and twist is fine, but because of the "missing chapter" it lacks any sort of context. The missing action drops you, sadly. to a 3. Well written though.
Thousands on a escort for a week, illegally drugged and restrained the hubby and the wife didn't screw the stripper??? Dont think so. Thise women were too determined not to do Mario.
If the reader is looking for something remotely likely, this is not your story. I see that some commenters did not catch the ending where he has a new wife. Reading comprehension is not stressed in today's educational system, or so it appears.
How many wives would dream of drugging (always dangerous), kidnapping and tossing hubby in a secluded area with a lovely hooker being paid to screw the man she wants to spend the rest of their life with? Does anyone see any possible way this could go wrong?
You really have to buy into the obsession of the gang of wives for this to work. That means that you need to accept that they are dumber than hell, self destructive, delusional, and totally lacking in pride and self esteem, individually and as a group. Once you grasp that "truth", the rest makes sense. It isn't easy for every reader to suspend that much disbelief. For me, this seems more likely than vampires and werewolves, which are very popular these days. It is more likely than Harry Potter and the amazing shit he pulls, and we all know how well those stories did.
This could ruin a marriage even without either having sex.
If she's willing to drug you and no communication available.
What if he had died from the drugs or wouldn't accept that she was faithful.
English
Cute ending
But I was actually looking forward to you resolving the central conflict you built up through the rest of the story. You set the stage for a confrontation and then side step with a side show reveal using a new character. Amusing, but I was hoping for more.
Felt like you copped out at the ending even if we can fill in most of the gaps.
Different
Not too bad. Just a little different and that's ok. Would have liked a rest of the story with a confrontation with the wife. Maybe a chapter 2?? That would be awesome.
wtf
I would be extremely mad, that's an understatement. I think I would burn her personal stuff and ask for a divorce. But maybe it is because I am short-fused.
Not a bad little story
though I find it somewhat choppy in places. I think the fact that he got rid of the stupid bitch he was married to and went for another whore was a bit of stretch given his professed personality from the first part of the story. Oh well. Gave you a 4, not quite there for a 5 but please continue to share your talent with us. The wimp crowd and wimp stories seem to be taking over the category so we need all of the writers who have the men fight back, even just a little. Hooty-hoo
1 star
Was going to give higher but the chopped ending ruined it.
A shame
I like a twist as much as anybody else but it felt as though you rushed into this one to finish the story off. I'd have preferred to see the story play out with the wife and friends to see how the 'party' went down along with the relationships as realisation dawned. A second chapter maybe?
IF YOU TRULY BELIEVE IN YOURSELF
and follow your rules, life should work for you. TK U MLJ LV NV
Good story
I think some of the commenters are skimming and not reading to the end, but that seems to happen here a lot.
I enjoyed the little twist.
I think the " Girls night out " , though this isn't a typical one , has taken the place of the strange car in the driveway or the Honey , we have to talk as the literary device of choice in LW these days.
Phlegmatic addict trades up for a recovering strumpet soul mate
Just another twinkling, modern day parable from stev2244 deftly written about women with a determination to see her ruinous agenda thru. No kids were involvef no foul and certainly no tragedy for all parties involved. The narrator wasn't quite enough for the original wife. She knew she had a good man, but saw him as a fixed quality like the stars in the night sky. Wrong.
The end could have used a closure scene for Annette to see and realize that she had dynamited her marital koi pond ...possibly, but she was so relentlessly vapid that I can see why the kind-hearted author felt this wasn't merited and quite possibly small of spirit. " Beauty is just skin deep , but stupid goes to the bone" they say . Let's just hope Annette has been gifted with an extra capacity to learn from her mistakes, in lieu of brains and beauty. I thank stev2244 for sharing..
@stev2244
Look stev2244 i consider you a pretty decent writer even if your reconciliation stories are far fetched to say the least
That being said this story leaves me a littled dazed,a confrontation with the wife and some of her "friends" and a good discussion with the other husbands would have been opportune in this case,now you leave the reader with an end that is an anticlimax,surprising yes but without any transition from one part of the story to the end
Tut mir leid @stev2244 aber diese geschichte hat kopf noch fuss,bitte naechstes mal besser hoffentlich
Dyonysos,Polen
As usual Steve2244 fucks up ANOTHER story... doesnt he EVER learn?
The story of the disaster.... you cannot have a story like this which builds up the suspense which features the husband kidnapped imprisoned against his will with a serious felony..... drugged out....a massive emasculation... a criminal conspiracy and then not have a confrontation scene. This is truly an awful story but then again everything this nutcase author writes is awful
What?
She goes through the trouble of drugging him and paying for a high priced hooker and then doesn't go through with it? Or, are we to believe hubby is so stupid as to believe she didn't sleep with the asshole?
Either way this was ridiculous!!!!!
dumb shits
Check the wife's name!!! He is married to the other woman!
Women Know Best
This goes to the heart of the female mindset that women know better than men what they want or need. It is more about power than love or reality.
rated 1
steve got zika, pray for him, them grab him by the pussy
Don't argue with idiots ...
because they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.
Pretty funny (and subtle) ending. With the two together in the cabin for a week and Lisa giving him appraising looks, I suspected that they might end up together in the long run but the ending dealt with it so smoothly I missed it at first and was disappointed. Once I caught the true ending, it was great.
At some point when dealing with idiots you have to simply cut your losses and walk away. Personally, if someone drugged (assault and battery) and kidnapped me, I would be furious. But in the real world, what are you going to do? Have them arrested? Where is the proof? Who did it? Who got the drugs? Who gave them to me? Was it a conspiracy? Would the girls group say it was all my own idea? With rapists and murderers around, how much time would police give to tracking this down? Without going to extremes (your Navy Seal buddies), is justice really possible? Yes, it bugs me when stories don't have a just (fairy tale) ending. Mario doesn't get his dick cut off. The other conniving women aren't all divorced and living as hookers to support themselves. His wife isn't crawling on his doorstep begging for forgiveness.
However, I like this one. He moves on and is happy. Frank looks at things from a big picture perspective, "In the end, it didn't harm me at all" and considers his greatly improved (new) marriage as worth the troubles he went through. He is very happy and the outcome fits his character. Why spend time dealing with or worrying about idiots?
I wouldn't want them all to end like this but this one works for me. That means the author did a great job with characters and the words to balance things out.
Feels a bit incomplete.
Cannot believe Annette would go to the extreme of allowing her husband to be drugged in order for her group to achieve their ends.
Frank was no ones fool and did the right thing by getting out. Getting with Lisa is probably a bonus.
Would like to have known something of the aftermath concerning the group and their husbands .... how did it all play out with them eventually ? Just curious.
Well written and thanks for sharing.
Funny
I was really unsure if the name change at the end would be too subtle for some readers. In the end I decided to go for it because it would at least be fun to read the comments...
Have to agree with many of the previous comments.
Not including the eventual confrontation with the wife robbed this tale of it's emotional payoff. Final result is OK, could have been great.
missed the name change
I read pretty fast and the only clues were "outside help" getting over his anger and calling his wife Lisa. I can see the plot twist aspect that is appealing, but I agree with others that you could still have done the last bit and added in the emotional confrontation with the wife.
Overall, it was a well constructed tale. This was an interesting new twist to the genre - and finding those twists is pretty difficult.
I think that the protagonist is too much of a nice guy. I would have been pretty pissed and probably not believed my wife had not had her time with Mario.
Name change.
Some have commented on the name change at the end. It worked for me. This author, unlike many others, made the names very different. Lisa vs Annette. Hard not to notice the difference. Still would have liked the confrontation, but it was not necessary. Which, I suppose, means it was appropriate to leave it out.
After he had been drugged, his wife in the plot...
After he had been drugged, his wife in the plot, their marriage was as dead as a smelling fish out of the water for one week...Even if he didn't married Lisa, he would be divorced. For the twist to have more impact @stev2244 wrote: "Yes, I can honestly say that I have completely forgiven her, and helped that she never actually had sex with this Mario guy"! How could he forgiven a conniving wife that drugged him? That she fucked or not the guy, it didn't matter to him...He being what he was, shown through the story, was finished with her as soon as he woke up in that cabin...so the twist failed...As some readers say, the twist failing let the story with a hole for not telling what really happen to the lives of all the conniving women...I bet that some husbands based in his attitude had taken action too...And his wife? Did she took revenge on her "false" friends that destroyed her life? 3*
order up: 1 story, with twist, no confrontation
It kind of felt like a combination of JPB and HDK: the abrupt end from JPB, but instead of at the moment of confrontation or discovery, just jumped to a clever twist.
Brilliantly Done Sir
Yes maybe a little payback from the wife's misery was called for but all in all a really good read. Thanks for sharing
I had to suspend disbelief,
which is common with fiction. Once I accepted that this group of women was obsessed with cuckolding their husbands, the rest became believable, I enjoyed the story and the ending. The need to divorce (or murder) the wife was quite obvious once the man's character and thoughts on fidelity were revealed. Of course the wife lived with the guy and never dreamed he would resent being drugged and kidnapped. That was another place where the suspension of disbelief was required.
Word change
Yes liked it, nice twist,
The wording you used at the end "my marriage is even better now" may have been better and more accurately "my marriage now, is even better", the one word changes it in a significant way. Thanks
Problem with Lisa
OK, divorcing Annette? No brainer.
Taking up with Lisa? Hmmm...............
See, it runs absolutely opposite to the structure of love and trust that he tried to build in his first marriage. He is the kind that measures beauty from the inside, but since he was betrayed, NOW it is Ok to only see the beauty on the outside? Doesn't that make him as shallow as the rest of the ladies group that successfully destroyed his marriage?
Ok, did you need a few more pages of description to cover the confrontation, divorce, and moving on? May be, but probably not. But the reason the omission is so glaring, is that we don't have enough info as to why he suddenly became in love with Lisa. You did such a good job of relating why he isn't the type of guy to want to be with a prosti....um...."ESCORT", that the fact that he DID in the "twist" at the end, just doesn't make a lot of sense. Why would he want to marry a professional slut? Why remarry at all? All is forgiven since she is quitting to focus more on school work? I guess that was supposed to explain it, but that doesn't even begin to tell ANY of the rest of the story as to how he could now be okay with this woman and her past. The very nature of the way they met should have created a million problems that needed explaining or working through, not the least of which is him repairing his ability to trust.
So, NO, I'm not suggesting that you should have written out 4 more pages to explain. Instead, I'm explaining why him hooking up with a hooker just doesn't work for me, considering the supposedly deft switch at the end that you were going for.
My suggestion would have changed the nature of why Lisa was chosen to be the one at the cabin. Just a few sentences could have made her more believable.
What if Lisa was a sister of one of the wives in the group? She is too focused on her college course work for dating. Since her only previous experience with a guy was bad one, her sister convinces her to spend her winter break with a "nice guy". Since they are both duped into this situation (as written), it becomes the common ground on which to form the bond. I liked how you had him help her with her studies, instead of dragging her right off to bed. I just feel that this would make more sense and would remain consistent with his character.
I just really didn't like Lisa being a prostitute, even if it was fully intended to become EX-prostitute. If he could see past that, then for me it follows that he also COULD have, or even SHOULD have, been able to work past the issues in his first marriage. No, I'm not sorry one bit that you didn't RAAC. But it always helps when the motivations for change remain consistent.
I don't know, just some thoughts. I do thank you for the efforts, I WAS diverted. And, happy to see more work from you, this was the first story I read today. Anything from you is appreciated, and this was no exception. 3.4 should round down, but I gave you a 4 anyway! Thanks!
Other Husbands
Since the other husbands were apparently all in with the game - two already had their three nights with the hot wives - exposing things to the husbands would be meaningless.
Although Stev2244 and I never discussed it during the editing process, a confrontation would have killed the twist at the end.
The story was fine with the end being clear in the very beginning,
but the ending was too abrupt. It was just like you thought it would be a shock twist.
It wasn't and the missing confrontation was an integral part of the climax and without it the story seems incomplete.
@sbrooks103x
"Since the other husbands were apparently all in with the game - two already had their three nights with the hot wives "( sbrooks103x)
Says who ? two other wifes ? so in your opinion they could be trusted to tell the truth ? trust but verify !
Agree with HDK
I had to accept that, for some reason, the wives just had to have this guy and cuckold the hubbys. Once I got that into head, their willingness to do absolutely anything to achieve that was at least an acceptable twist. Annette's being so average and her need to fit in led to her being willing to sacrifice all for a shot at this guy, despite Mario's obviously unscrupulous intent.
As for ending up with Lisa the escort, I agree that it was glossed over, but in my mind I could fill in the blanks myself. She found a nice guy and he got to know her over the course of the week in the cabin. Once hubby divorced Annette they has a chance to donnect, etc. But going into that would have moved this closer to Romance and away from Loving Wives, so I can understand the jump to the end.
Quite possibly...
...the dumbest story I've read on this site. Sorry, Stev. The entire plot, from beginning to end, is so absurd I couldn't manage to suspend my disbelief for even a moment. We're supposed to believe that this gaggle of women are so juvenile, so neurotic, and so incredibly hungry for man meat that they could concoct this ridiculous scheme and go so far as to DRUG the hero in order to carry it out?
Come on, man.
The women in this story all reminded me of Edith Bunker, only a little less intelligent. The only fairly realistic character was the "escort with a heart of gold" -- which tells you everything you need to know.
This story reads like a fantasy by a frustrated, middle-aged, average-looking husband stuck in a lifeless marriage, looking for a way out. It's rather sad when you look at it that way.
I appreciate the effort here, but it just didn't work for me. I've read science fiction pieces that were more plausible than this one.
weak ending to a good story
the ending seems rushed and incomplete, leaving lots unexplained
When a single plot device drives the entire story, you end up with a very narrow and contrived story.
You can tell this story was started from the intended surprise ending, then all the supporting details, actions, and dialogue were worked backward from there. So it forced illogical and contradictory behaviors.
How did the wives group get interested in each others sex life, and how in the hell did they come to know Mario? Mr. deep intelligent husband never asks that question?
Once his wife proposed having sex with a stripper, giving herself to whomever of the other husbands wanted her, and telling her husband that sex didn't really have any moral or ethical connection in her mind, why didn't he immediately demand she end her relationship with this group of brainless witches, and get him and his wife into some serious marital counseling? His wife had already made the decision to become a whore, she just hadn't finalized who she would fuck, when, and how many times. You would expect that might cause an immediate halt to his trust and understanding of just who he was married to.
Why didn't he immediately call the other husbands to find out what the fuck they knew, had been told, and thought about the whole situation?
Why had the wives group already started the swapping before all the husbands had agreed to this before hand?
How come the issues of STD's, accidental pregnancy, and an opportunity for blackmail, was never raised? Good God, he's a stripper, a male whore, a manslut.
I'll stop, but there's so many obvious questions and issues this story had to avoid, all to make the surprise ending work. And of course that failed. As soon as the escort acknowledges that Frank is a handsome unbelievably good and ethical man, and all the actions of Annette demonstrate she is a brainless shallow manipulative selfish cunt, we know after spending a week together that Lisa and Frank will come to respect, enjoy, then love each other. Purporting that after spending a week together they hadn't even exchanged first names indicates just how gullible you think your readers are, or how clever you think your story was.
It really was a good plot idea, but it was poorly executed. Which is regrettable, because it really could have been a clever engaging story. It just left me feeling embarrassed, for the author. You blew it. If you hadn't been so rigid about the surprise ending, you could have created the same result with a much more believable story. This one is kind of lame. But thanks for trying.
Anonyman
Was OK
but coulda been very good. Needed to flesh out the interaction with Annette after she picked up her husband.
Seriously
What happened to this category/site?
Did they have a massive change over in admins/moderators or did someone have a stroke? Feels like it has been taken over by some juvenile adolescence. Maybe someone hacked their parents account?
Seriously all these depraved sharing & cuck stories are getting tired, worn out and a little disturbing/disgusting. But, then again those are fetishes anyway. Like this story SOMEONE is always left in the cold/dark. Really couples like this; why get married? Just start a commune where you share in everything. After all, those hippy communes worked out soo well...
Thanks, Steve!
Your story was entertaining, I appreciate you posting it. Unlike some others, who apparently think this is the Wall Street Journal site, and that no fictional license is allowed. If I preferred to read "real life" I'd pick up a newspaper! :)
Weak ending
This should have been at least another page longer. It seems you just gave up.
Nice twist
I liked the twist at the end. Lisa was better looking than the coven of wives but had more character than all of them. Annette threw away the only man that thought she was more than she was. Because of her actions (which were criminal) she probably didn't get that one night with Mario and will spend the rest of her nights alone.
@Jack99 I'm not sure that Rupert's Wall Street Journal
reflects much of real life. Just saying. 😉
It's basically economics
It's a Pussy Pontiac scheme. One person drops out and the whole thing collapses like the house of cards that it is. Those who already 'cashed out' get theirs and walk off smiling. Those still waiting to cash out lose their 'investment'. Those at the bottom of the pyramid, who have invested little nothing walk away as well. Not unscathed in this case.
I've never read anything on LE that used this premise - very unique and clever. Thank you. I voted 5 ☆'s for the dialog and the depth of the plot. Please keep writing.
As for all of the pedantic would-be literary critics, if you don't like it don't read it. Better yet, write your own stories. There wasn't any cuckolding going on, no cream pie eating. The drugging threw all of the rules out the window. Lighten up!!
Idiotic!!!
A wife annoy her husband and in the end druged him for the possibility to fuck another guy and he goes along with that crap!!! You have to be quixotic!! How stupid !!!
Nice twist again
He dumps his wife and ends up with the escort Lisa .
Ummmm
You seem to be missing a chapter. I want the aftermath of this twisted Lucy and Ethyl kidnapping. The ending and twist is fine, but because of the "missing chapter" it lacks any sort of context. The missing action drops you, sadly. to a 3. Well written though.
JimC
Hmmmm
Thousands on a escort for a week, illegally drugged and restrained the hubby and the wife didn't screw the stripper??? Dont think so. Thise women were too determined not to do Mario.
Further Thoughts
@Anonyman - While you make some good points, remember this is just a little flash story, not a novella!
@Anonymous Re: Economics - "Pussy Pontiac scheme?" LOL, I think you meant Pussy PONZI Scheme!
Reality?
If the reader is looking for something remotely likely, this is not your story. I see that some commenters did not catch the ending where he has a new wife. Reading comprehension is not stressed in today's educational system, or so it appears.
How many wives would dream of drugging (always dangerous), kidnapping and tossing hubby in a secluded area with a lovely hooker being paid to screw the man she wants to spend the rest of their life with? Does anyone see any possible way this could go wrong?
You really have to buy into the obsession of the gang of wives for this to work. That means that you need to accept that they are dumber than hell, self destructive, delusional, and totally lacking in pride and self esteem, individually and as a group. Once you grasp that "truth", the rest makes sense. It isn't easy for every reader to suspend that much disbelief. For me, this seems more likely than vampires and werewolves, which are very popular these days. It is more likely than Harry Potter and the amazing shit he pulls, and we all know how well those stories did.
Hahaha!!!
Loved this crazy wife ride!
The ending definitely made me give this a 5.
Marriage in trouble
This could ruin a marriage even without either having sex.
If she's willing to drug you and no communication available.
What if he had died from the drugs or wouldn't accept that she was faithful.
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