All Comments on 'The PTA Queen Bee & The Teen Rebel'

Try it again with half the words. Remove anything about children and horses. Then half ofcthat.

This isn't a quick story and can't be approached as such. All of the other aspects add to the characters' backgrounds. I say keep the full story, it works.

The obvious has already been stated -- just too darned long. Just reducing the number of annoying non-essential brat children, and whittling their appearances and play-by-play descriptions of their antics, would help a lot (probably reduce the verbiage by 25% right there). Having MILF Allison be a widow (ie sans horse lover husband) would do wonders. The haunted house events are certainly intriguing -- probably why I personally was captivated by the story.

The potential for a Part 2 and beyond is fabulous! Hot goth teen, horny MILF, innocent goody-goody redhead -- and of course The House itself (Halloween in 2 weeks!).

In short: Keep up the great writing, tone down intricate descriptions (especially of non-essential characters), and graduate the sex escapades to the next level of hotness. (And definitely plan to include the redhead!)

Though there are still many loose strings to this story left unsaid... another chapter wrapping everything up would be nice, especially what's going on with the haunted house, the sale, the PTA event, do the two women get something more than one meeting, etc...

I really enjoyed this. I have to admit as I was reading this in my darkened room late at night I was getting a little bit scared reading the haunted house portion lol but then it it got hot and sexy with Allison and Jenna. I do think a chapter two is necessary. There is so much going on with Carol, Mike, Allison's husband, the brats, the haunted house, the new owners and of course Allison and Jenna. Hope you continue.

There's so many possibilities and such promise.

Can Allison and Jenna seduce Nicole and Shelley?

What happens with the Haunted House?

Are people's secrets revealed?

I really hope you choose to write more.

Thanks for some of the encouraging comments about this story, I am glad you liked it for the most part.

When I wrote it I hadn't thought of a sequel, but am planning one now. I might set it in the summer with the superfluous members of the O'Dea family away (summer camp etc.) and just Jenna and Todd remaining of the seven siblings. I had so much fun writing about the fat stupid bully Todd I would definitely keep him.

I am not sure what to do with the definitely straight characters of Shelley and Nicole, but I am sure I can think of something. I could definitely get them naked at the very least, perhaps Shelley, Allison and Jenna showering after an aerobics class, and naïve young school teacher Nicole having the feeling she is being watched when she is getting undressed or in the bathroom of the new house.

As for Allison's husband Dennis and his strange fixation, I am not too sure there but will think of something. I don't think Allison becomes a widow until September 10 2001, when she calls him at his office at the WTC and is told that Dennis has not arrived at work. She then gets a visit from the police later that day who advise her that her husband's body has been inexplicably found at a horse stud, Dennis dressed as a cowboy and having had a fatal heart attack. But this of course is more than 13 years in the future, so I will come up with something else.

Hopefully I should be able to post a sequel soon.

Question: What inspired you to write this kind of a story ( The Time Period, The Setting, The Charcters and The Haunted house ) ?

How can I even start this review to this 11 page kickass epic. I guess I'll start with the stuff that I loved the most. Taking an ordinary setting and placing it in 1988 was fucking awesome. At least for me it intensifies the emotion of the story so much more. You do a great job describing the details so that it does feel like the late 80's. I love Allsion. A 42 year old Milf with a bush, who digs other women - what is there not to love. Being a metal fan as well, it was a treat read about Jenna and have her as the second lead to Allsion. A milf and a hot metalhead teen going at it in the 80's is a beautiful storm to read about. For such a long story, you do such a great job in keeping everything so very interesting. With all the side characters and their stories going on it's never a dull moment. Though I still think Dennis is a freak who's into horses. But time will tell.

I would also like to show my gratitude for making this into a haunted house story as well. Knowing this is taking place in 1988, really emphasizes the mystery of it all especially during this time of the year. It makes your story that much more unique to the others.

My only complaints that I have are of two things. First I think you spend too much time with giving us the numerous background stories with Jenna's siblings. I'm not saying it doesn't help in fully understanding the scope but I feel it goes on a bit too much at times. And my only other complaint has to do with Jenna. I love the look and personality you gave her, but as a metalhead myself I need to read her rocking some actual metal band shirts and not just some generic devil type stuff. It kind of ruins the vibe for me. Here's a few band names that would suit Jenna, hopefully in the very near future.

Bathory, Candlemass, Death, Dio, Fates Warning, King Diamond, Slayer and Venom.

Sorry to be so picky with metal stuff but I just adore your story and your writing so much that I wanted to express that. Plus it will add more dimension to Jenna.

Also I'm very happy to hear that you plan on doing a sequel with this. It deserves one, as your writing is very cinematic. You have that rare ability with your words that instantly become moving pictures. Once more, a job well done. You put alot of effort and heart into this, and it shows. I can't wait to see where the sequel will take us!

One request: Can we get some feet play and toe sucking going on between Allsion and Jenna. That would be sweet!

Thanks for the positive comments and sorry for the delay in my reply.

I am working out a structure for a sequel to this story, and I promise it will have some feet action between leads Allison and Jenna. Jenna's other siblings will not appear (summer camp etc.) except for Todd, Jenna's twin brother. I had a lot of fun writing about the antics of this stupid fat bully that I could not bear to drop him. The reason I had so many kids is that I wanted to make Jenna's family a very large dysfunctional family, and each of the seven siblings embody one of the seven sins.

As for my inspiration to write this story, I write all of my stories set in the past, and have quite a few set in the 1940s, 1950s, 1960s, 1970s, 1980s & 1990s on Literotica. The late 1980s worked well for this story. I also try to make my stories humorous, and have done this here as well.

This story was a combination of several ideas I had for erotic stories. I wanted to write a lesbian story between two very different women with a significant age difference, and also wanted to write a story involving sex between two partners of very different heights. I wanted to write a story that involved a marriage between a couple in their early 40s where they no longer, or rarely had sex due to other sexual interests (Allison and Dennis fulfill this role). I also wanted to write about an unethical woman who is something of a bully, and Allison's lack of business ethics in her job as a real estate broker and domination of the PTA achieve this.

The haunted house idea came about from the problem houses which one hears about, where people who live there inexplicably have bad luck, don't stay long or odd things happen. Having Allison sell such a house to a naïve newlywed couple without a qualm shows what she is really like, and it also gives Jenna a chance to interact with Allison, calling the older woman out on her lack of ethics, while Allison in turn calls out Jenna for her bad attitude.

So, hopefully I will have a sequel soon.

Good story telling and well written, but a bit too much detail. Would've liked the action to take place sooner. Loved the hairy pussies and soiled panties. That's what lesbian stories should be about. Also, if the pussies were none too fresh would be good. More lesbian stories of this type from you (with suggested additions would be welcome), please.

P.S.I only gave it one star because the scoring jammed and wouldn't allow more.

She reminds me of J.R. Ewing from Dallas, in that she'll screw you, but she'll do it with a grin on her face; in a different story, Jenna would be the only sane woman in her family (she pretty much is anyway, IMO)…

Loved this story and the sequel...

Perhaps more than any other characters I've ever written about, I often think about what happened to them afterwards and what they are up to today.

Allison at age 73 I see as a widow and the Queen Bee of an exclusive retirement village, her kids all successful and married with kids of their own. Dennis has been dead since September 11 2001, but not in the terrorist attacks at the WTC where he worked. He was already dead from a stroke for several hours at this point, his body inexplicably found in a field at a horse stud on Long Island.

Jenna at age 50 I see as a successful heavy metal artist living in LA, openly lesbian with a long term female partner and children. Her twin brother Todd I see as house-bound at 500 pounds, his long widowed mother his care-giver, Mike dead for many years. As for her other siblings I see Chris as being bankrupt numerous times from failed business ventures and get rich quick schemes, Libby unemployed and living off welfare in a trailer park, Polly the editor of a gossip magazine and youngest brothers Andy and Justin serving long prison sentences for hate crimes and fraud respectively.

With regards to Jenna, when she seduced Allison, I'm surprised she didn't take a page from The Graduate and come on to Allison naked...