You seriously need an editor. "My husband's name is Kevin...“ Yes we know. You told us already. "When we arrived and knocked on their door and the guy that answered immediately put Kevin in a bear hug." Grammatical soup. "in a covert but none the less noticeable" It can't be both! "I deiced to do it“ Well done! And many more. Why tell the story from a woman's point of view when you are obviously male? And what is with the random capital letters?
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English
Editor Alert
You seriously need an editor.
"My husband's name is Kevin...“ Yes we know. You told us already.
"When we arrived and knocked on their door and the guy that answered immediately put Kevin in a bear hug." Grammatical soup.
"in a covert but none the less noticeable" It can't be both!
"I deiced to do it“ Well done!
And many more.
Why tell the story from a woman's point of view when you are obviously male? And what is with the random capital letters?
Click here to leave your own comment on this submission! or
Back to In the Hot Tub or
More submissions by charlessmythe.