...but the long paragraphs and sloppy punctuation put me off. I expect the sequel sees Samantha opening the envelope, finding the card, and responding. Whose child will she bear? Does she stay with new hubby? Does new hubby start playing around? Will the ending be tragic or comic or romantic or unspecified?
Another possible follow-up would focus on Robert and his new-found hobby of crashing wedding receptions and inseminating blushing brides. Twist: Samantha and other fresh brides are at some of the same receptions; they fuck there too.
by
Anonymous11/12/16
Too wordy and redundant. More words are not always better. For example, you write: "... he glanced skyward to the slightly overcast graying sky." He'd have to look skyward to see the sky. An overcast sky has to be gray.
"... he glanced up at the graying sky." That's all you need.
You have a lot of trouble with punctuation. Al the 5 feet tall, 6 feet tall, 250 guests, etc. are numbers that should be written out. There are too many errors to go into, but I hope this helps a bit.
English
BEGGING for a second chapter
I liked it 5* but don't leave us hanging
A decent enough tale...
...but the long paragraphs and sloppy punctuation put me off. I expect the sequel sees Samantha opening the envelope, finding the card, and responding. Whose child will she bear? Does she stay with new hubby? Does new hubby start playing around? Will the ending be tragic or comic or romantic or unspecified?
Another possible follow-up would focus on Robert and his new-found hobby of crashing wedding receptions and inseminating blushing brides. Twist: Samantha and other fresh brides are at some of the same receptions; they fuck there too.
Too wordy and redundant. More words are not always better. For example, you write: "... he glanced skyward to the slightly overcast graying sky." He'd have to look skyward to see the sky. An overcast sky has to be gray.
"... he glanced up at the graying sky." That's all you need.
You have a lot of trouble with punctuation. Al the 5 feet tall, 6 feet tall, 250 guests, etc. are numbers that should be written out. There are too many errors to go into, but I hope this helps a bit.
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