All Comments on 'Lorri and Me Pt. 01'

It may be good but I would not know because I stopped after the first paragraph. Please, is it too much to expect a copy-edit before publishing? (Answer: no, it's not too much.) Constantly needing to read past errors is not conducive to a turn-on.

Just a little constructive criticism: try to avoid using " you" in the narrative. Basically, it translates into addressing the reader. It makes it pretty hard to follow the story when narrative addressing the reader gets in the way. Trim out the "fat" and just tell the story.

Sounds like the start of a good relationship. Sorry it's the only chapter