A reasonable scenario, but one that has been used dozens of times before. So to make it stand out you need to make the reader invest in your characters.
You didn't do this at all. No one in the story was different to anyone else. Everyone went along with the plot-line without any qualms whatsoever. It all fitted together like clockwork - and that was the effect I got: mechanical and pre-determined.
English
Short and predictable
A reasonable scenario, but one that has been used dozens of times before. So to make it stand out you need to make the reader invest in your characters.
You didn't do this at all. No one in the story was different to anyone else. Everyone went along with the plot-line without any qualms whatsoever. It all fitted together like clockwork - and that was the effect I got: mechanical and pre-determined.
Click here to leave your own comment on this submission! or
Back to That Rawhide Club or
More submissions by sweetangelic.