You really have a good plot, but you didn't present it very well. First of all, it's awful short. Next thing it could use is dialogue--lots of it. Dialogue can be used to help round out the characters. The person, who said this reads like an instruction manual, had a point.Make your characters live; tell us how Dad felt the first time her touched his baby's breast. You'd have to use another POV but we'd like to know just how nervous Amy was when Dad's fingers starting exploring her secret places. Heck, just writing this comment makes me want to use the same plot for one of my own. (No, I don't mean plagiarize it, just spin off with the same plot and a different twist.)
English
Four paragraphs? That's a users manual. Why bother?
Text book
I think the author writes text books for a living as this has about as much feeling and emotion as a drivers manual
NEEDS WORK!
You really have a good plot, but you didn't present it very well. First of all, it's awful short. Next thing it could use is dialogue--lots of it. Dialogue can be used to help round out the characters. The person, who said this reads like an instruction manual, had a point.Make your characters live; tell us how Dad felt the first time her touched his baby's breast. You'd have to use another POV but we'd like to know just how nervous Amy was when Dad's fingers starting exploring her secret places. Heck, just writing this comment makes me want to use the same plot for one of my own. (No, I don't mean plagiarize it, just spin off with the same plot and a different twist.)
DMV
Was your last job at the DMV? Story had real promise but turned to concrete
not good
had potential but the sex was thrown at us with no lead up and ended too quickly
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