All Comments on 'Threesome Matrimony'

Nothing worth reading here.

And so apparently is the writer. I can only hope that English is not this writers native tongue. That would be the only excuse for one of the most butchered up pieces of writing I have ever seen. I only kept reading out of a kind of morbid fascination, like watching a slow motion train wreck.

Usage aside, the story is on life support, too.

A smart man? How could he support two families? Or were the two women supporting him? 2*

is it seemed devoid of real emotion.

So they're all loving and fucking and living together as one big happy family. I'm pretty sure this still happens in some communities and cultures. As long as they all are committed 100% I suppose it could work. Of course its the children's long term welfare that really matters, so hopefully there are legal and financial protections in place.

So kind of a mediocre story about a 3-way marriage. More of a report of how it came about and how they decided to constitute their family. OK. Thanks.

Keep working on your English. Its not bad, but this is a real challenging way to practice. Good for your.

Because there is no wife.

English is obviously not your first language and it shows. 1*

what you fail to understand about the women is they ARE hetero. They do not become Bi, or lesbian.

they may have bisexual or lesbian experiences but that does not change they are hetero. No the way you paint this picture.

I need that minus two star.

I’ll give you a three on this one, mostly because you seem to have recently started posting on this site, and I assume you are new to erotic writing. I really had to fight my way through this story simply because of the word usage. Also, even after getting past the grammar problem, the story seemed to have no ‘x-factor.’ In other words, it had nothing that made me unable to go to another posting—well, it must have, since I kept on reading.

I notice your Bio doesn’t say where you live; I think that’s a major mistake. My scores will be vastly different when I know English is a second language for the writer instead of thinking he’s just careless or ignorant of basic grammar practices.

Look over your story again—notice anything missing? I didn’t see one set of quotes. Dialogue helps make the characters real; yours could have been made of cardboard. Next story—and I hope there will be a next story—try to tell it with at least 30% dialogue, just as a practice. Also, if your story will have more than two characters participating in sex, consider 3rd person unlimited point of view. That way you can show readers what everyone feels. If it doesn't seem right to you, you can always rewrite to another POV before you post.

Please take these comments in the way they are offered—constructive criticism. They are surely worth at least as much as they cost you. Good Luck! the dreamer.

Totally narrated! JJ8, let the characters tell their own story to We-The-Readers. Show us what you said when he first rescued you, rather than telling us. Did he say anything back? Not that WTRs can see!

Also run your grammar and spelling checker before posing. I can tell English is not your primary language, and that makes use of tools and an editor than much more important. Not a bad tale overall, IMHO.

Not hot enough. Opportunity lost

I'm not as nice as CarolinaDreamer, so I'll just say that this totally sucked.