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English
Not Good
Sorry mate, but that was a terrible read.
Constant switching of tenses, punctuation and spelling errors.
Proof read
You need to get someone to read and edit your story before publishing. The changing tenses and bad punctuation are jarring.
Terrible
Written by a person who obviously failed basic grammar sentence structure.
Sure it has writing errors, but where was the surprise?
Sure it has writing errors, but where was the surprise? 2*
smokers
She lit cigarettes for them both.UGH what a turn off. That was enough for me!!!!
Just my lame comment to join the other idiots here.
Writing quality
There are two stories - the one in your head and the one that you create in the reader's head. The medium is the language. So, as others have said, you should get an editor to help you with that part. Editors are easily available on Literotica.
36cc breasts?
What is she, a moped? Is that what he's riding?
Lame. Just ridiculously lame.
First Four Words
I didn't get past the first four words: "I and my wife". You apparently never had any grammar lessons.
Hardly a story and not very well told, but ...
... I bet you had a lot of fun writing it. There are too many critics here, looking for stories that could have been written by Margaret Atwood or Umberto Eco, and missing the innocent enjoyment of writing smut. Keep it up -- you will improve with practice -- and perhaps a little help. Three Star for a good try.
Ugh...
"...like a lioness stoking her pray."
geez. try: "like a lioness stalking her prey."
...that was typical of the misspellings and unintentional malapropisms in this...uh, story? Well, with some editing, it could have been a story, anyway.
Wrong Category 1*
LW is extra marital fun. This belongs in erotic or romantic. That being said the spelling etc is beyond repair. You need an editor badly.
Is @gordo12 right?
"LW is extra marital fun!" It's what "Loving" means for him? Why not CW = Cheating wives category Or GH = Gay husbands?
You should
learn the English language. I doubt any competent editor would want to work with this garbage. I can't imagine how it got past the scrutineers.
This is a piece of crap!!
This story is a piece of crap!! The spelling is horrible!!
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