Good story idea but I as well groaned at the style.
by
Anonymous11/06/16
Read your work back.
Once you've written it take a few minutes to read it back. Don't rely on the spell / grammar checker. Example, hear is what your ears do not what's on your head (para1).
by
Anonymous11/06/16
Ouch....
So,...good idea but the execution and grammar are atrocious. I stopped reading about 1/3 of the way down the page- that's how bad it was.
You have no idea how to write in English. You can't do a simple sentence. Spelling and grammar obviously passed you by. You mix up tenses within "sentences". I did manage to find one sentence which was passable; probably an accident. The rest are just random constructions.
Your story is basically unreadable. Probably the worst thing I've ever seen on this site and there has been a lot of serious competition.
I got as far as the very short opening paragraph before I couldn't read anymore. You might want to let your wife (the pre-school teacher?) check your writing next time. I read this like an English Teacher correcting grammar, spelling, syntax, punctuation, etc.
Holy shit, I think you managed to make my eyes bleed.
My wife called me and said that she is visiting our friend Jane and that I must come over, now see Jane is one of our good friends she works with my wife both off them is preschool teachers, Jane is about 27years old dark hear small breast a hand cup full, my wife 30 years old also long dark hear 36cc breast nice butt.
Are the words that comprise this paragraph part of the English language? Technically, yes. HOWEVER, after you were finished raping the shit out of them, no one would ever know.
I have a problem with grammar and awkward myself because I am not native in English. My method to try to overcome this is to:
1. Read out loud what you have written.
2. Use online editors for grammar error.
3. Rewrite and make corrections.
4. Repeat above steps a few times
5. Then ask for help from an editor.
Apart from that I would like to see more plot and conflict in a story and not just a big sex scene.
One sentence was over 200 words long, I almost fell asleep reading it.
This is just seriously the most non-erotic example of erotica I have ever read.
by
Anonymous11/11/16
PIECE OF CRAP!!
Horrible,luridly written story! No class at all! Spelling is terrible. Not even rotten enough for "Screw Magazine!!"
by
Anonymous11/12/16
The idea is nice
I like the thought of threesomes as much as many others out there.
That said, you should try to make sentences shorter. Use points or dots instead of commas. Hair, her, hear and ear are four different words.
As others said, use online correction or ask someone to correct your texts.
Good luck and hang on!
by
Anonymous11/14/16
Die
Die a horrible death - somewhere far, far away from Lit!
English
Ok,...
... But even I as a non-english speaker badly miss correct grammar and punctuation
Grammar is terrible
The grammar was so awful, I couldn't finish reading.
what a joke
lol- you should get your teacher wife to teach you how to spell and how to construct sentences, lol.
Grammar a distraction
I found the issues with spelling and grammar too much of a distraction. Could not read it. Sorry!
Shame about grammar etc
I really struggle if a story is not well written. So much potential but I couldn't finish the story
Find an editor
Good story idea but I as well groaned at the style.
Read your work back.
Once you've written it take a few minutes to read it back. Don't rely on the spell / grammar checker. Example, hear is what your ears do not what's on your head (para1).
Ouch....
So,...good idea but the execution and grammar are atrocious. I stopped reading about 1/3 of the way down the page- that's how bad it was.
Atrocious writing.
You have no idea how to write in English. You can't do a simple sentence. Spelling and grammar obviously passed you by. You mix up tenses within "sentences". I did manage to find one sentence which was passable; probably an accident. The rest are just random constructions.
Your story is basically unreadable. Probably the worst thing I've ever seen on this site and there has been a lot of serious competition.
LOST IN ENGLISH 1
I got as far as the very short opening paragraph before I couldn't read anymore. You might want to let your wife (the pre-school teacher?) check your writing next time. I read this like an English Teacher correcting grammar, spelling, syntax, punctuation, etc.
Good story idea
But I agree it's hard to get through your story due to the grammar issues .
Holy shit, I think you managed to make my eyes bleed.
My wife called me and said that she is visiting our friend Jane and that I must come over, now see Jane is one of our good friends she works with my wife both off them is preschool teachers, Jane is about 27years old dark hear small breast a hand cup full, my wife 30 years old also long dark hear 36cc breast nice butt.
Are the words that comprise this paragraph part of the English language? Technically, yes. HOWEVER, after you were finished raping the shit out of them, no one would ever know.
Keep trying
I have a problem with grammar and awkward myself because I am not native in English. My method to try to overcome this is to:
1. Read out loud what you have written.
2. Use online editors for grammar error.
3. Rewrite and make corrections.
4. Repeat above steps a few times
5. Then ask for help from an editor.
Apart from that I would like to see more plot and conflict in a story and not just a big sex scene.
Wow..and not in a good way
One sentence was over 200 words long, I almost fell asleep reading it.
This is just seriously the most non-erotic example of erotica I have ever read.
PIECE OF CRAP!!
Horrible,luridly written story! No class at all! Spelling is terrible. Not even rotten enough for "Screw Magazine!!"
The idea is nice
I like the thought of threesomes as much as many others out there.
That said, you should try to make sentences shorter. Use points or dots instead of commas. Hair, her, hear and ear are four different words.
As others said, use online correction or ask someone to correct your texts.
Good luck and hang on!
Die
Die a horrible death - somewhere far, far away from Lit!
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