Very good story but you need to finish some of the unanswered questions. Impact of him leaving on the other 3. How does his life change once he is gone. With time does he end up hating his brother and his wife and sister in Law. Does his brothers marriage continue now that he has a mistress and a child to take care of along with his bitch of a wife and the guilt over destroying his brothers marriage.
I'm sorry, but I thought the story was great, however, it remains unfinished. It seems as though you wanted to get it over and done with. Thanks for the story, but I could only give it 4*.
Great tale till the ending. You seem to set the story up, developed the plot, introduce tension and then just pulled the wool out from under it. Hopefully you could do a chapter 2 starting from the return from the weekend and finish it with some substance. Did enjoy it
Beware of wanting something too much. You just might get it.
The idiot let fantasy interfere with the reality of life and he got burned. His life was good, his wife was good... but he wanted what he couldn't have; his fantasy woman. Well he paid the ultimate price. The idiot.
The question: Is this finished? In this story there are one stupid character: the one that run away, and 3 selfish and amoral characters. But the worst of the 3 is the brother's wife, Cathy! How can she accept all that? And now, with her brother-in-law gone, and with her husband becoming a father soon, how will the aftermath be? Will the 3 of them live in the same house? Her husband having now 2 wives? And after the child birth, how will be her relationship with her husband, now a father? The stupid brother is gone, just because the shrink he found open his eyes. Mania or no mania, obsession or no obsession, he was a stupid, but lucky guy by flying away from those 3, or he would have been a doormat for his sister-in-law, a surrogate father for his brother children, a brother that he risked to go to jail to save his reputation, and just a companion for his wife. For him this story is finished, it's only open for the other 3 selfish characters. I didn't liked it much...We must agree that there isn't much in there to like...2*
But our tried to hard to make Dave a schmuck. Everything about him was below average and Rob was above average in everything? Really? And to have a Rob father his child and this is how he repays his brother for taking the fall at his bachelor party?
The smartest thing he did was to bail, he just shouldn't have told anyone.
Because i thought this story would make a very good parody of the cuckold genre with this to stupid to be real charakters until i reached the ending...
Well at least i had a few laughs on a rainy monday morning :)
Odd to think narrator would have much harder time leaving brother then his wifep
As previous comments have astutely noted , this is one tangled ball of yarn and there were still clear complications to unsnarl at conclusion. Pleasuring himself to brother's wife was only first gross, initial mistep. There is no fantasy woman I can think of that a occasional dirty weekend ( night at the opera included ) with her is sufficient trade for daily chore of changing diapers of another man's kid .
This wasn't the easiest story to follow, no clearcut heroes or villains . There were fools to be found, no doubt. Thanks to imagination of imhapless , the journey varied from palatable to amusing until sudden ejection . The big question is assuming liability for damage done. I think he should move 1000 miles away taking wife with him.
Will Janet come ? Only if she will set aside her newfound ' mania ' for Rob , and Dave must douse his vintage flame for Cathy. One thing is absolute. Measured kudos go to imhapless for this fictional ( but incomplete ) exploration of " bros before hoes ". I thank the author for sharing. This story has makings of decent opera in and of itself. Josh Groban plays Rob. Paul Potts is narrator brother.
Rob is the worst - He takes the brother that he "loves", that he's always been protective of, who took the fall for him at the bachelor party, and make him a full-blown cuckold, and intends to continue?!
Jenny is the second - Not only does she intend to keep Rob's baby, she intends to keep doing it, even giving in to his kink to have sex with a pregnant woman.
All Cathy got out of it was some good oral, and now she won't even be getting that. Maybe she's glad she won't have to "ruin" her body so that her husband can have children.
@LSD - "This story has makings of decent opera in and of itself." Hah! It surely does!
As others have said - this feels unfinished because we're left to guess at the ultimate fallout. Their parents/family would surely react once the truth of this comes out! So, there is sure to be some explosive disharmony. At least the psych Dr. pulled his head out of his ass for him adequately well.
Wow -- that story is unique. Not anything like the cookie-cutter stories that seem to predominate. How in the fuck do you come up with shit like that? You must be as fucked-up as I am (ha, ha), because I really liked it! 5*
Would have been a stronger story to start with a new situation and developing new friendships and then going back to the explain how he got there. Maybe author is thinking of a second chapter.
Imhapless, I liked your story because I thought it was very well written, even though I dislike the idea of anybody being as subservient and as lacking in self-image as your first-person character is shown to be.
It was written about a flawed character. It wouldn't have been as interesting if he was flawless.
I presume that you also liked your own story. The best piece of advice I was given in the comments section was "Write for yourself the stories that you like."
It's a free site and if your readers also like your story (as they mostly like this one) it is a bonus. But you don't owe your readers anything.
I was given this advice after writing a story with an open end such as this one of yours, and then attempting to write a finish because the commentariat requested it. It was agony and I shouldn't have done it. The advice came too late.
So may I suggest that you ignore those comments suggesting that you write a closure to this story (unless you really want to).
Open-ended stories make the reader think. If they don't want to or are incapable of thinking, it's their problem not the author's.
I have often advised new writers that there are no new plots. That isn’t just my opinion, but that of several very serious big-bucks authors, but I have to admit you’ve come up with one that’s new to me. GREAT WORK! Not only that, BUT you’ve done it with four unlikeable, stupid characters.
Maybe I have explained myself wrong...No doubt Rob is a brother no one deserves, and needs a big lesson from life. Jenny seems one of those people who has no conscience and all acts are valid in this world, if they benefit herself. Now about Cathy: What I meant was that I don't understand her, because she is of the 4 the person that can lose the most and she doesn't seem affected by all that happened, as if she expects that her husband divorces her to be free from a real bastard like him. That's why I think her character was the worst, the most weird of them all. Now about you other comment about him leaving her: Would "she be suing him for abandonment and support"? Really? with a another man's child in the womb? I know law is law, but he had strong reasons...I can understand your point that he staying and confront them would be better, putting the child in his brother's arms, putting all the pressure in him, in his marriage and in his wife. Thank you for your comment
I hope there is an epilogue. With at the least, five years having passed. I feel for Dave, if he didn't feel inferior before, he has good cause to feel it now. I would have hoped when got out of being in his brother's shadow, he would get some therapy and ''man up''... The story was enjoyable, but...
I think that the dna testing should be able to prove Rob as the father because identical twins share the same dna because they split from the same fertilized egg, Dave said that he was born a fraternal twin meaning they were only born on the same day... and technically they weren't born on the same day either. Fraternal twins do not have the same dna, so any child of Robs would be determined from a dna test. which also means no child support from Dave.
Dave was obsessed with Cathy but the distasteful "sharing" situation he had experienced was bad enough to snap him out of it. Jenny didn't lose anything, yet. So there was nothing to snap her out of her mania. She'll probably go to Rob for support and Cathy doesn't seem like the type to share and get nothing back. My guess is that all four of them will lose out.
1. Cathy the least because she can likely get another husband.
2. Rob he's still got his job and is so popular with the ladies he wont go wanting for company.
3. Jenny seems to refuse to get an abortion so worst case scenario a divorced single mother
4. Dave after finding out that his brother the one he looked up to all his life pretty much beats him at everything, pleasured his wife better than him and cuckolded him driving him to divorce and run... maybe suicide or the chance to make a new life where no one knows his brother and he can find new happiness just being himself.
I gave the story a 5, but didn't really care for Dave's fragile mental dilemma. I've known Dave types and none have been good outcomes. Family is the worst. That said I want more and I know you'll deliver. Xoxoxoxox Annette
It's been established that Rob has a big cock. Does Dave have to have one SMALLER than average? Couldn't it have been, at worst, on the small side of average, or better yet, simply average? It STILL would have been smaller than Rob's without the additional humiliation!
Rob and Dave could be either fraternal or identical twins,the fact that they were born 12 minutes apart doesn't mean anything .The story implies they are identical,same height,hair color,etc,the dick size doesn't mean they necesarily are fraternal.
That said,Dave is a putz and the other three are disgusting,nothing really to like in this. I doubt there will be a part ii,but the only thing I can think is that Dave is the father and the whole rob is the father was part of 'the revenge'...not to mention rob doesn't suffer at all in this,only dave.
it was good but wierd and is there going to be any more chapters too follow you need too have a different ending and see what happens too dave after he left thank you
Seams to me every one but Dave got what they wanted. Rob likes to fuck a lot and probably want's kids. Cathy doesn't seem to like to fuck much but likes oral and she probably doesn't want to have kids . Jenny likes to fuck a lot and likes oral and probably wants kids. Dave likes to give oral and I think he likes to fuck. Jenny removes her IUD three weeks before the 3 day week end. Cathy and Jenny set up the 3 day week end. Rob get's to fuck the tits off Jenny and Jenny get's to fuck the balls off Rob. Cathy get's someone to go with her to do the things she likes doing and also get's oral. On the other hand what Dave got was, Cathy allowing him to play with her tits and lick her pussy, a not very enthusiastic sympathy fuck and a pregnant wife.
Dave is one of the lamest guys I've had the pleasure to read about- virtually no redeemable characteristics, no spine, and except for the favor he did taking the fall for his brother, no moral compass. The bit about him benching half what his brother did bugs me: you get out what you put into lifting, so him being weak is basically the fact that he is a lazy ass. Genetics helps a bit but it's largely effort. The wife is no better- duh, she forgot she was fertile? Move away Dave- no one will miss you.
No one to like in this steaming pile. Dave should have killed himself. He isn't worth the wasting of oxygen. What a coward. All three of the other pieces of shit CUNTS set Dave up right from the start and he should kill them first. The only one to like in this pile is the shrink. He told it like it is. And no one cares if he grows set in chapter 2. It's too late. I'm sure he doesn't
English
Not yet done
Very good story but you need to finish some of the unanswered questions. Impact of him leaving on the other 3. How does his life change once he is gone. With time does he end up hating his brother and his wife and sister in Law. Does his brothers marriage continue now that he has a mistress and a child to take care of along with his bitch of a wife and the guilt over destroying his brothers marriage.
Unfinished
I'm sorry, but I thought the story was great, however, it remains unfinished. It seems as though you wanted to get it over and done with. Thanks for the story, but I could only give it 4*.
Sorry
Look, this is inventive and well written but it makes my skin crawl.
Great tale till the ending. You seem to set the story up, developed the plot, introduce tension and then just pulled the wool out from under it. Hopefully you could do a chapter 2 starting from the return from the weekend and finish it with some substance. Did enjoy it
would like to see another chapter to this. seems dave was short changed on his wknd
Beware of wanting something too much. You just might get it.
The idiot let fantasy interfere with the reality of life and he got burned. His life was good, his wife was good... but he wanted what he couldn't have; his fantasy woman. Well he paid the ultimate price. The idiot.
Yarn
Good yarn about a bunch of nutter's.
The question: Is this finished?
The question: Is this finished? In this story there are one stupid character: the one that run away, and 3 selfish and amoral characters. But the worst of the 3 is the brother's wife, Cathy! How can she accept all that? And now, with her brother-in-law gone, and with her husband becoming a father soon, how will the aftermath be? Will the 3 of them live in the same house? Her husband having now 2 wives? And after the child birth, how will be her relationship with her husband, now a father? The stupid brother is gone, just because the shrink he found open his eyes. Mania or no mania, obsession or no obsession, he was a stupid, but lucky guy by flying away from those 3, or he would have been a doormat for his sister-in-law, a surrogate father for his brother children, a brother that he risked to go to jail to save his reputation, and just a companion for his wife. For him this story is finished, it's only open for the other 3 selfish characters. I didn't liked it much...We must agree that there isn't much in there to like...2*
Funny story
But our tried to hard to make Dave a schmuck. Everything about him was below average and Rob was above average in everything? Really? And to have a Rob father his child and this is how he repays his brother for taking the fall at his bachelor party?
The smartest thing he did was to bail, he just shouldn't have told anyone.
3 Stars
Because i thought this story would make a very good parody of the cuckold genre with this to stupid to be real charakters until i reached the ending...
Well at least i had a few laughs on a rainy monday morning :)
Not My Favorite
How is letting them swap for a weekend punishment for the drunken swap?
Rob doesn’t have to sit through the opera that he hates!
“that I lost tract” – Typo: “track”
I'm glad that he's leaving now, but I would have told her she has choice: an abortion or a divorce!
What happened to his loving, protective brother? Now he wants to cuckold him?
Odd to think narrator would have much harder time leaving brother then his wifep
As previous comments have astutely noted , this is one tangled ball of yarn and there were still clear complications to unsnarl at conclusion. Pleasuring himself to brother's wife was only first gross, initial mistep. There is no fantasy woman I can think of that a occasional dirty weekend ( night at the opera included ) with her is sufficient trade for daily chore of changing diapers of another man's kid .
This wasn't the easiest story to follow, no clearcut heroes or villains . There were fools to be found, no doubt. Thanks to imagination of imhapless , the journey varied from palatable to amusing until sudden ejection . The big question is assuming liability for damage done. I think he should move 1000 miles away taking wife with him.
Will Janet come ? Only if she will set aside her newfound ' mania ' for Rob , and Dave must douse his vintage flame for Cathy. One thing is absolute. Measured kudos go to imhapless for this fictional ( but incomplete ) exploration of " bros before hoes ". I thank the author for sharing. This story has makings of decent opera in and of itself. Josh Groban plays Rob. Paul Potts is narrator brother.
Bring on closing , bravura ' Nessun Dorma' rendition . None shall sleep indeed.
@Impo_64 Re: Cathy
I don't see her as the worst.
Rob is the worst - He takes the brother that he "loves", that he's always been protective of, who took the fall for him at the bachelor party, and make him a full-blown cuckold, and intends to continue?!
Jenny is the second - Not only does she intend to keep Rob's baby, she intends to keep doing it, even giving in to his kink to have sex with a pregnant woman.
All Cathy got out of it was some good oral, and now she won't even be getting that. Maybe she's glad she won't have to "ruin" her body so that her husband can have children.
BTW, I would like to see a follow-up.
Lol!
@LSD - "This story has makings of decent opera in and of itself." Hah! It surely does!
As others have said - this feels unfinished because we're left to guess at the ultimate fallout. Their parents/family would surely react once the truth of this comes out! So, there is sure to be some explosive disharmony. At least the psych Dr. pulled his head out of his ass for him adequately well.
Highly original
Wow -- that story is unique. Not anything like the cookie-cutter stories that seem to predominate. How in the fuck do you come up with shit like that? You must be as fucked-up as I am (ha, ha), because I really liked it! 5*
Pleasant dip into the world of Mania's
The author failed to close the circle by taking his brother's wife with him on his 1000
mile trip. Now if she had a big clit........
Interesting setup but ending too abrupt
Would have been a stronger story to start with a new situation and developing new friendships and then going back to the explain how he got there. Maybe author is thinking of a second chapter.
Leaving?
If he leaves his wife behind, isn't he worried about her suing him for abandonment and support?
If he takes her he has to insist that she leave the baby with his brother!
Original plot
Always love it when someone surfaces with something new. 4*
Don't finish it
Imhapless, I liked your story because I thought it was very well written, even though I dislike the idea of anybody being as subservient and as lacking in self-image as your first-person character is shown to be.
It was written about a flawed character. It wouldn't have been as interesting if he was flawless.
I presume that you also liked your own story. The best piece of advice I was given in the comments section was "Write for yourself the stories that you like."
It's a free site and if your readers also like your story (as they mostly like this one) it is a bonus. But you don't owe your readers anything.
I was given this advice after writing a story with an open end such as this one of yours, and then attempting to write a finish because the commentariat requested it. It was agony and I shouldn't have done it. The advice came too late.
So may I suggest that you ignore those comments suggesting that you write a closure to this story (unless you really want to).
Open-ended stories make the reader think. If they don't want to or are incapable of thinking, it's their problem not the author's.
Lue
Ending.
I don't like how it ending. Left hanging.
Ending is fine!
Engaging story that reads well. Made your readers squirm!
WOW!
I have often advised new writers that there are no new plots. That isn’t just my opinion, but that of several very serious big-bucks authors, but I have to admit you’ve come up with one that’s new to me. GREAT WORK! Not only that, BUT you’ve done it with four unlikeable, stupid characters.
Loved it and I vote 5 stars!
Dave guy is stupid
They walk all over him. At least try and fight for yourself for God sake.
One star. You can do a lot better
@Overthefalls
DNA can definitely tell the difference between fraternal twins!
@sbrooks103x: Cathy
Maybe I have explained myself wrong...No doubt Rob is a brother no one deserves, and needs a big lesson from life. Jenny seems one of those people who has no conscience and all acts are valid in this world, if they benefit herself. Now about Cathy: What I meant was that I don't understand her, because she is of the 4 the person that can lose the most and she doesn't seem affected by all that happened, as if she expects that her husband divorces her to be free from a real bastard like him. That's why I think her character was the worst, the most weird of them all. Now about you other comment about him leaving her: Would "she be suing him for abandonment and support"? Really? with a another man's child in the womb? I know law is law, but he had strong reasons...I can understand your point that he staying and confront them would be better, putting the child in his brother's arms, putting all the pressure in him, in his marriage and in his wife. Thank you for your comment
Hmmm...
I hope there is an epilogue. With at the least, five years having passed. I feel for Dave, if he didn't feel inferior before, he has good cause to feel it now. I would have hoped when got out of being in his brother's shadow, he would get some therapy and ''man up''... The story was enjoyable, but...
To answer overthefalls
I think that the dna testing should be able to prove Rob as the father because identical twins share the same dna because they split from the same fertilized egg, Dave said that he was born a fraternal twin meaning they were only born on the same day... and technically they weren't born on the same day either. Fraternal twins do not have the same dna, so any child of Robs would be determined from a dna test. which also means no child support from Dave.
Dave was obsessed with Cathy but the distasteful "sharing" situation he had experienced was bad enough to snap him out of it. Jenny didn't lose anything, yet. So there was nothing to snap her out of her mania. She'll probably go to Rob for support and Cathy doesn't seem like the type to share and get nothing back. My guess is that all four of them will lose out.
1. Cathy the least because she can likely get another husband.
2. Rob he's still got his job and is so popular with the ladies he wont go wanting for company.
3. Jenny seems to refuse to get an abortion so worst case scenario a divorced single mother
4. Dave after finding out that his brother the one he looked up to all his life pretty much beats him at everything, pleasured his wife better than him and cuckolded him driving him to divorce and run... maybe suicide or the chance to make a new life where no one knows his brother and he can find new happiness just being himself.
Delightful Tale
Liked it until the end (a sequel could go a LOT of ways, but doubt that Hapless would do that) but Hubby The Younger running just didn't ring true!
4*
Write more, I want to see where you take this
I gave the story a 5, but didn't really care for Dave's fragile mental dilemma. I've known Dave types and none have been good outcomes. Family is the worst. That said I want more and I know you'll deliver. Xoxoxoxox Annette
Not usually one to push for a sequel
And actually, this episode is quite done, but there is so much room for this story to develop. I'd love a part 2!
Very Minor Point
It's been established that Rob has a big cock. Does Dave have to have one SMALLER than average? Couldn't it have been, at worst, on the small side of average, or better yet, simply average? It STILL would have been smaller than Rob's without the additional humiliation!
would like to see f/u
What happens to the two couple. etc.divorce? two wives? HATING BROTHER?
MANY DIFFERENT SPINS
For creeperclaw
Rob and Dave could be either fraternal or identical twins,the fact that they were born 12 minutes apart doesn't mean anything .The story implies they are identical,same height,hair color,etc,the dick size doesn't mean they necesarily are fraternal.
That said,Dave is a putz and the other three are disgusting,nothing really to like in this. I doubt there will be a part ii,but the only thing I can think is that Dave is the father and the whole rob is the father was part of 'the revenge'...not to mention rob doesn't suffer at all in this,only dave.
@njlauren
In the first sentence of the story he flat out says that he's a fraternal twin.
@njlauren
Not only as @Creeperclaw points out that the story SAYS that they're fraternal twins, it also says:
"he has a big cock while I have one slightly smaller than what I've heard is average"
crazy husband and wife
it was good but wierd and is there going to be any more chapters too follow you need too have a different ending and see what happens too dave after he left thank you
Just my take
Seams to me every one but Dave got what they wanted. Rob likes to fuck a lot and probably want's kids. Cathy doesn't seem to like to fuck much but likes oral and she probably doesn't want to have kids . Jenny likes to fuck a lot and likes oral and probably wants kids. Dave likes to give oral and I think he likes to fuck. Jenny removes her IUD three weeks before the 3 day week end. Cathy and Jenny set up the 3 day week end. Rob get's to fuck the tits off Jenny and Jenny get's to fuck the balls off Rob. Cathy get's someone to go with her to do the things she likes doing and also get's oral. On the other hand what Dave got was, Cathy allowing him to play with her tits and lick her pussy, a not very enthusiastic sympathy fuck and a pregnant wife.
Dopey
Dave is one of the lamest guys I've had the pleasure to read about- virtually no redeemable characteristics, no spine, and except for the favor he did taking the fall for his brother, no moral compass. The bit about him benching half what his brother did bugs me: you get out what you put into lifting, so him being weak is basically the fact that he is a lazy ass. Genetics helps a bit but it's largely effort. The wife is no better- duh, she forgot she was fertile? Move away Dave- no one will miss you.
Totally despicable
No one to like in this steaming pile. Dave should have killed himself. He isn't worth the wasting of oxygen. What a coward. All three of the other pieces of shit CUNTS set Dave up right from the start and he should kill them first. The only one to like in this pile is the shrink. He told it like it is. And no one cares if he grows set in chapter 2. It's too late. I'm sure he doesn't
Funny and Real. 4*
I actually knew a guy like Dave. Total pussy but loyal tho.
Enjoyed it...
Thanks for the offering.
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