Definitely a great story, needs a part 2 where mom and dad comes home early to hear brother and sister doing round 2, then go into having the group of them switching partners like dad/daughter and mom/son
by
Anonymous11/10/16
Better of the two
This one dwarfs the mom version, it had so much more emotion and love to give it demands for more. We want to see them sneak around and do everything for their relationship, getting drunk to have him was only a start!
Telling a story is one thing. Re-telling the same story is just redundant. If you're going to write a variation of something you've already posted, just about the worst thing you can do is make it a cookie-cutter clone of the original. I recall another author who wrote a decent story, but then posted about a half-dozen variations of the same thing: In one, the central character was a guy fucking his mom, in another it was a mom fucking her son, and in another it was a dad fucking his daughter, etc., but aside from changing the gender and perspective, each story was nearly identical. His scores went from "Positive" to "The polar opposite of positive".
Why?
It's stagnant. If you want to incorporate multiple perspectives of a story, you don't do it by writing nearly identical stories and posting them separately. If you can create a new story by "Searching and Replacing" the names, by swapping "him" for "her" and "he" for "she", can you really call it a new story? Or simply an edited version?
You don't write poorly, but this could have been a much better story if you had not stuck so closely to the original, especially the pretense of mistaken identity.
I used to know this girl in college who'd go on a date and end up at back in her room, and tell her date she was going to "slip into something more comfortable". She'd come out in this filmy, nearly transparent, white robe. It was a running joke among the guys who'd slept with her. They even called it her "white robe of sex". I hooked up with her, once, after running into her at a local bar, and even though I hadn't fucked her before, I felt like I'd snuck a peak at the script of the encounter. I knew what was coming, to the point that when I saw her come out in that "white robe of sex", I burst out laughing. I didn't stick around, because I couldn't stop laughing and she was getting pissed. I guess it wasn't a "hook up" as much as a "almost hook up", since I never actually had sex with her.
This story made me think of that girl, who I hadn't thought of in years. Because I pretty much new what was coming before I actually read it.
My two cents.
by
Anonymous11/10/16
Almost exact copy
I couldn't finish the story, too identical to mom version . the mom one was good but its like you just cut and paste different names around. I mean did you even rewrite it or just change names and add a bit here and there.
by
Anonymous11/10/16
How is it possible..
How it is possible to have been using a dildo and still have her hymen intact?
by
Anonymous11/11/16
Stopped reading after the hymen breaking part. It's just laughable how wrong people get it and I assume that they've never had a virgin because that shit breaks real easy. But dude, I'm gonna say this once: if she's been fucking a dildo, then the hymen's gone, virgin or no. Even then, the hymen would need to break before the dick gets any pussy. School taught us this when I was 14 ffs.
The rest of the story was going good up until then.
that was cool. having kept the deception of the little sister up the entire time glad you didn't give it away until the end well played
by
Anonymous11/12/16
Cutting and pasting does not a story make
Sorry, it's just a carbon-copy (all you techno-nerds look that up...) of the mom story, with names changed to fit, so no points, as no imagination or effort was required. And BTW, how the fuck can she be using a dildo and still have a hymen? Do you even know what or where the hymen is?
The mom story was imaginative and entertaining, this is just dashed off because you thought you could pull a fast one, so no cigar, and a fart in your direction to fully express my disdain, because I really don't appreciate being fucked-off with a story you couldn't even be bothered to try and inject some originality into.
by
Anonymous01/16/17
Haven't read moms story
I haven't read moms story but I don't care. I thought this was great and the dildo thing is sort of an issue but I mean it made me cum so what's the deal on being a critic here. Did it make you horny? If it did then it's a good story. Thanks and continue writing. I know I'm anonymous as well but when you criticize can't you at least put in your name?
by
Anonymous01/27/17
Who cares
Really annoying seeing people beat someone up for writing.
The two major issues people have is it's similar to mom version and the dildo part. I have to admit , I skimmed the story. So I didn't notice the dildo so went back after reading the ugly comments.
1) Remake of the mother story. I was never going to read it, I don't like reading stories about parents. I very much appreciate him reworking it for others to enjoy.
2) The dildo. She uses it, and pretends it was her brother. Never does it say how! So the sister is a little kinky and likes it up the rear end. The End!
English
Part 2 please
Definitely a great story, needs a part 2 where mom and dad comes home early to hear brother and sister doing round 2, then go into having the group of them switching partners like dad/daughter and mom/son
Better of the two
This one dwarfs the mom version, it had so much more emotion and love to give it demands for more. We want to see them sneak around and do everything for their relationship, getting drunk to have him was only a start!
5*!!!
Taylor Swift?
Honestly neither version really did it for me. **
If we're being honest...
Telling a story is one thing. Re-telling the same story is just redundant. If you're going to write a variation of something you've already posted, just about the worst thing you can do is make it a cookie-cutter clone of the original. I recall another author who wrote a decent story, but then posted about a half-dozen variations of the same thing: In one, the central character was a guy fucking his mom, in another it was a mom fucking her son, and in another it was a dad fucking his daughter, etc., but aside from changing the gender and perspective, each story was nearly identical. His scores went from "Positive" to "The polar opposite of positive".
Why?
It's stagnant. If you want to incorporate multiple perspectives of a story, you don't do it by writing nearly identical stories and posting them separately. If you can create a new story by "Searching and Replacing" the names, by swapping "him" for "her" and "he" for "she", can you really call it a new story? Or simply an edited version?
You don't write poorly, but this could have been a much better story if you had not stuck so closely to the original, especially the pretense of mistaken identity.
I used to know this girl in college who'd go on a date and end up at back in her room, and tell her date she was going to "slip into something more comfortable". She'd come out in this filmy, nearly transparent, white robe. It was a running joke among the guys who'd slept with her. They even called it her "white robe of sex". I hooked up with her, once, after running into her at a local bar, and even though I hadn't fucked her before, I felt like I'd snuck a peak at the script of the encounter. I knew what was coming, to the point that when I saw her come out in that "white robe of sex", I burst out laughing. I didn't stick around, because I couldn't stop laughing and she was getting pissed. I guess it wasn't a "hook up" as much as a "almost hook up", since I never actually had sex with her.
This story made me think of that girl, who I hadn't thought of in years. Because I pretty much new what was coming before I actually read it.
My two cents.
Almost exact copy
I couldn't finish the story, too identical to mom version . the mom one was good but its like you just cut and paste different names around. I mean did you even rewrite it or just change names and add a bit here and there.
How is it possible..
How it is possible to have been using a dildo and still have her hymen intact?
Stopped reading after the hymen breaking part. It's just laughable how wrong people get it and I assume that they've never had a virgin because that shit breaks real easy. But dude, I'm gonna say this once: if she's been fucking a dildo, then the hymen's gone, virgin or no. Even then, the hymen would need to break before the dick gets any pussy. School taught us this when I was 14 ffs.
The rest of the story was going good up until then.
nice
that was cool. having kept the deception of the little sister up the entire time glad you didn't give it away until the end well played
Cutting and pasting does not a story make
Sorry, it's just a carbon-copy (all you techno-nerds look that up...) of the mom story, with names changed to fit, so no points, as no imagination or effort was required. And BTW, how the fuck can she be using a dildo and still have a hymen? Do you even know what or where the hymen is?
The mom story was imaginative and entertaining, this is just dashed off because you thought you could pull a fast one, so no cigar, and a fart in your direction to fully express my disdain, because I really don't appreciate being fucked-off with a story you couldn't even be bothered to try and inject some originality into.
Haven't read moms story
I haven't read moms story but I don't care. I thought this was great and the dildo thing is sort of an issue but I mean it made me cum so what's the deal on being a critic here. Did it make you horny? If it did then it's a good story. Thanks and continue writing. I know I'm anonymous as well but when you criticize can't you at least put in your name?
Who cares
Really annoying seeing people beat someone up for writing.
The two major issues people have is it's similar to mom version and the dildo part. I have to admit , I skimmed the story. So I didn't notice the dildo so went back after reading the ugly comments.
1) Remake of the mother story. I was never going to read it, I don't like reading stories about parents. I very much appreciate him reworking it for others to enjoy.
2) The dildo. She uses it, and pretends it was her brother. Never does it say how! So the sister is a little kinky and likes it up the rear end. The End!
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