Taking Advantage, The Family's Story Ch. 01

Fun and promising

I enjoyed this story so far, it had potential to be equally sexy and fun, a combo I like very much. On the other hand it's obvious it still needs some work invested in it as well, like fixing the grammar and sentence structure to make the verbal exchanges more clear and flow easier.

For now it's a 4*.

What was that?

I don't get it. Bunch of nothing. *

it is a start - now where is it going?

Good start.

Setting the stage, so to speak, at this point. Build some sexual tension then pick up the pace. Can't wait for more. Good job!

max052

Oh my God, this was horrible!

I mean, I tried to read the whole thing, but after a while, it became so ...painful ...to read, I just had to give up. Either you're a child whose only familiarity to actual sex has been living vicariously through other's erotica, or you're an adult with the writing skills of a child whose only familiarity to actual sex has been living vicariously through other's erotica. Either way, if anybody has been telling you that you have a gift for writing your own erotica, they've been lying through their collective teeth.

Wow

Just wow. I had no idea there were so many Jesus freaks on this site trying to discourage contributors. I mean, I'm assuming here, but it fits the pattern: you want to shut the site down, you scare off all the talent.

Arkwrights06, carry on. Yes, the writing could be better... but that comes with practice. The main thing is being willing to put your story out there. I look forward to your next piece.