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English
MMmmmmm
Well quite good
Still boring,
for the same reasons that I gave in the chapter one public comments.
Yer doing fine
Keep it coming! I like your attitude. Nice writing style, too.
I didn't read it
The whore is too "hard" for me to empathise with.
OK but not great
It would help if I knew who the "whore" was. The story is full of action, but has no reason. Is this a housewife, a student, a birthday girl, a federal judge?
What's going on in her life? Is she a mother, a frustrated librarian, or a brazen hussey?
Is she conflicted about what she is doing? What are her long term aspirations?
The action may turn on some people, but I am motivated by what's in the mind.
Err
It was "okay". The actions need to be more descriptive, Is she white, black what? Who is she? you need to be much more descritptive.
Not even mediocre
You get sidetracked tooo much. SIde tracking is ok but not too much when you are in the middle of domething hot. Don't explain from 3rd point to 1st point. U are suppose to be a whore, but then you say personal stuff like fantasizing about being a whore, sorta makes it too unrealistic. Sure there is hot sex, not something exceptional about it though. Needs some realistic elements to it, and looks like you just patched the sex all together without compelling scenes, and don't ruch to the ending, draw out the afterwards so you keep us cumming for more.
okay of type
too much blunt fucking and not enough emotion, although some leaks through. I am particularly put off by the erratic punctuation and the many many grammatical errors. to instead of too, peaked instead of peeked, to mention just two.
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