Ashley is Babysitting

Menu

Kind of like reading a menu, dry as hell. You order three item, single dad , loose babysitter, and one sucky-fucky.

I think you have a good start. I disagree with the menu assessment. Keep writing and honing your work. I found it sweet and endearing ...like I said good start, but needs more detail.

more details

need more details, sexy panties or granny panties ? bra ? shaved pussy or hairy ? big tits or little tits, nipples? body parts ,etc... you get the idea? since it posted in 1st time, was she a virgin, did he pop her cherry ? since he just slide inside her, was her cherry already popped? was she on the pill ? as she let him go bareback and cum in her. good start, keep writing.

lovely

i always wanted to bang our sitters. such young nymphs with budding tits and sweet asses. im close to cumming now as j remember dawn and her beautiful deep camel- toe...

Where's The Story?

Sketchy. More like a story line/outline than a story. You need to flesh this out, no pun intended.

Heep going

Good use of dual POV, and plenty of background details. But, where is this going?

Makes every older guy want a baby sitter

Thanks for feedback

Thanks for the feedback. I will definitely take the 'more details' into account with the next story. I tend to like leaving some things to the imagination as mine is very strong when it comes to sexual things but more details is a good idea.
As far as cherry popping, that is not a legit term for losing virginity. Look up hymen misconceptions.