All Comments on 'Elfin Descent Afterward'

TL;DR Version:

I like where this is going. Expect something around Christmas time, and I predicted that Trogar's son would have magic.

Actual Version:

-Augras returns early in the book from the lost continent having learned the secrets of magic from the Mincenntti-

God-damn, I had imagined a scenario like this once when reading your story, before you mentioned magic would be in the setting even.

I was like "I bet you if Trogar's has a son, he is going to get out of his fathers place and go learn 'magic' or something."

Well damn, I'm blaming 'Magic' for that prediction!

-Unfortunately, building her up so that readers were on her side when the plot demanded she be torn down turned out to be counter-productive.-

That would be my fault, probably! :P

-Also, I've received both fanart and fanstories-

There is Fanart too?... I so want to see that!

Now that you mention it, I better finish my 9000 word MxM story that I've had on hold for like... 2 months. I'd also better remove the 'name' placeholders :P

You know what, I will probably write another story, something with a Christmas (Yule) theme as a kind of seasonal chapter to be put up on or around Christmas eve. After so much rape, judicial combat and just plain medieval killing, Orcs would probably love Human Christmas... right! :P

(Maybe the Catabrians introduce it or something, they are germanic/pictish inspired after all.)

-Triumph is to be the culmination of the whole series. It is planned to have five POVs intertwined across all the Western Kingdoms. Right now, the POVs are Augras, the half-orc son of Trogar and Lyriena; Amelie, the Princess-Knight of Thest; Henry, who is leading a rebellion in Heste and captures the orc Princess Jasmara; and a Sandoran Princess who travels into the Angrian March to try and make an alliance with the free tribes of orcs; and an orc merchant in Ruar who opposes Jeanette's imperial ambitions for the Western Kingdoms.-

Where's my time-machine... I want to read all of that right now, damn it!

I didn't enjoy Elfin as much as the original series, but I kinda think that's to be expected, it's hard to capture lightning in a bottle twice.

Having said that, I don't really agree with the other criticisms others have had. I had no problem with Trogar. He's not the central character, and he was doing what's expected of him.

I also liked what you set out to do with Lyriena. After all, it's Elfin Descent, specifically *her* descent. Whereas Jeanette came to embrace her sexuality, Lyriena is undone by it, which I find sexy in a different way.

Part 10 was the stand out for me. This was Lyriena's real turning point, but I don't think her subsequent ordeals really lived up to this Chapter.

But overall I liked it.

I hope she demands a ring, as they sang in the brothel. I would like to see a hard to get woman for once. Also, if Henry is there, perhaps there is chance of seeing Sylvia, as a small cameo perhaps?

> They don't, as much, want to see somewhat unwilling princesses being abused.

Also, is that really true? It was a theme in Zentara after all.

Anyway, looking forward to other series.

-I hope she demands a ring, as they sang in the brothel. I would like to see a hard to get woman for once. Also, if Henry is there, perhaps there is chance of seeing Sylvia, as a small cameo perhaps?-

I agree, It wouldn't be too bad to see a hard to get woman.

Seeing Sylvia would be quite interesting too.

I enjoyed Descent. I don't recall any non-consent as much as I saw reluctance. (The fine line between "No, I won't" and "I don't think I really want to do that, do I?"). I realize that in the real-world both might be NC legally, but I'm assuming we have the freedom to split that hair here.

Both Jeanette and Lyriena had "good girl/bad girl" internal struggles (which are always fun) but, at the end of the story, Lyriena (apparently) failed to leave her kingdom in a better place than where it started, so that was a bit of a downer. Especially for a character you wanted us to be rooting for. Or maybe she and her people were happy at the end?

Any chance that one or two of Agmar's children will be born as a result of fucking his mother Jeanette?

I am firmly convinced that limp-wristedness is the main reason this story got hate. I thoroughly enjoyed most of it, and I completely enjoyed some parts (like Ch. 14).

Please consider this comment encouragement to continue, I really enjoy reading your writing.

"I am firmly convinced that limp-wristedness is the main reason this story got hate." That actually has little to do with the disappointment this story has given. There's a whole myriad of issues to go into so I'll just start listing them. First off there's the pacing. The chapters before the pony ride one were beautifully done the characters were enjoyable and you had me actually longing for her to give into Trogar. Then all of a sudden that beautiful descent becomes a huge fast paced spiral. By the time of her being "tricked" into doing it with him on the stage development is irrelevant and that scene could have happened even earlier and Id be just as invested.

Secondly the characters. Trogar started out fine but then it became clear he had no actual skill in seducing characters, but the plot demads he suceed so he's simply handed everything. Which combined with how stupid Lyrenia becomes after Trogar "rescues" her makes for an infuriating read. Also Soliel's anger seems to come from nowhere and has little explanation or fleshing out.

And no I don't just want slutty princesses running around as I believe the first 9 chapters of this are some of the best you've written, however it needs to not take a back seat to the kink of the week and stay character driven. (With a competent instigator)

Just what scale of change can macro-magic work on this world anyway?

Has anybody else been using it to mess with the world and its peoples?

That is a fair point about 'kink of the week'. I get a little bored writing the same scene again and again, but maybe I got a little too much tunnel vision.

As for the scale of the magic, the Mincentti used it to build a mighty empire, though in doing so they stagnated technologically. No one is currently using magic in the Western Kingdoms, and it is in very little use in the southern continent.

I do not think that Lyriena should have remained a major POV character beyond the first few chapters of this series. Despite what she might believe herself; she is clearly neither savvy nor the sharpest tool in the shed. She probably had some significant repressed or unexplored personal issues, given how easily she became a semi-unwilling and then fully-willing harlot.

Also are there any beneficial (or detrimental) quirks Augras' half-elf and half-orc biology? Is more agile than other orcs? Is he more long lived? Is he more or less aggressive? Is he more or less lustful?

You'll have to decide for yourself when I finally start publishing chapters!

Children of Queen Jeanette, each sitting on a throne of his own. The population of their orc subjects continued to rise. The younger brother is jealous of his older brothers, and the eldest of them all hated his siblings because he himself looks different.

I think someone said in the first story that if Jeanette hadn't made a peaceful treaty with the orcs, then a bloody war between the orcs and Zentara would have broken out eventually.

What I see now is that each of the sovereigns who are hardly amicable with one another sitting on a constantly growing population of very aggressive people. Queen Jeanette is the only thing that holds her empire together; she aged beautifully, but she aged nonetheless. When she passed away, who shall inherit the queen's domain?

It reminded me of something. During World War One, you got a score of Queen Victoria's grandchildren sitting on several European thrones. Growing national patriotic pride, each nation believe themselves better than their peer. Their rulers' familial relationship did nothing to help avert the war.

Maybe I am just a pessimist, but I believed that wars are going to break out in the future, not between humans and orcs but between orcs and their brothers. Humans and elfs would be enslaved, becoming nothing more than commodities because orcs will inevitably outnumber them. They'll become spoils of war - cattle to be bred to fit their lords' tastes, and sex slaves to be used at their master's leisure.

All hail the queen

I have thought a lot about what the future will look like, and I think i've written about it on my blog. I definitely needed to come up with an explanation as to why elfs and humans haven't been bred out of existence.

The answer is the introduction of blood laws to prevent the dilution of orc blood. And breeding programs to foster magical talent. But the next series, if I write it, will be set 400 years in the future and will revolve around the rebellion against the orc kingdoms.

And yes, they will all have intense rivalries between each other.

This is kinda late, but just wanted to say I actually liked Elfin Descent a lot. It was a lot more adventurous with kinks (something I felt Rebellion lacked). Elfin Descent also had a more very dub-con feel, which I appreciated.

Trogar was only "weak" mainly because I feel the story was trying to set him up as a character (with an arc, etc) which actually diminishes his presence as a foil for Lyriena. Like some people felt he was too incompetent to succeed; for me he was just not sinister enough to make Lyriena's corruption feel dangerous. These are impressions that might have been lessened if Trogar was less developed.

Zentara worked because Turogg was always a fairly static character whose motivations were just ambiguous enough to make Jeanette's decisions a bit more thrilling. It allowed the story to focus on Jeanette and her reactions more naturally.

I guess the main suggestion would be less is more for the villains (like Agmar and what not). Ultimately it's the heroine who makes a corruption story. Everyone else is the mirror to her descent. And it's only in erotica where you can get away with more one-dimensional characters , lol.

But of course this is strictly from a smut perspective. I admit I'm pretty favored towards the female perspective and "bad ends" so that might skew things :p

Looking forward to the next parts of the series :)

Having read the first three books, the one consistent problem I've seen is actually developing the wrong characters. Maybe better to say that too much time is spent on the orc and not enough time on the psychological transformation going on in the poor lasses they corrupt. That's where the heat is.

The orcs are established as rather simple and brutish. Our antagonist in Elfin Descent is highlighted specifically because he's above average in orcish IQ, reading more than fighting. He's supposed to be abnormal because he's intelligent - but then he's still not smart enough to smoothly outwit his intended target and has to rely on humans to do some major legwork on his behalf.

That being the case, the "downfall" of the women must be based mostly in their own psyche. They succumb to their own lusts therefore the story benefits from illustrating that turmoil through the use of 'inner dialogue'.

Also, some of the suspension of disbelief is lost when a Princess is able to so easily escape her security and wander the back alleys so easily. Royal Guards are the best of the best and have only one task. They wouldn't be so easily left behind, especially when in hostile territory. In Zentarra, the idea worked somewhat because there were secret passages and an debaucherous ally in the handmaiden. In Descent, neither of those things existed and the princess was unfamiliar with the city.

Descent would have been leagues better if the non-consensual scenes were drawn out a bit more, and then equal time paid to the mental turmoil the princess was going through. Maybe have her confide in her handmaiden, getting her excited and interested in the debauchery. Maybe have the handmaiden corrupted unintentionally and then become an ally of the Orc because she's young, naive, and kinky. Or just have her convinced that the princess really does want the kink, so her handmaiden works to help her towards that goal.

Overall, the tales were entertaining. I never found a scene that really grabbed me as they all seemed to end very quickly, just as soon as you were getting into them. But, it was still a fun read. Will I read more? Hmm.....