Tiger

~

Some of the lines of your Heroic couplets slip out of iambic pentameter making me stumble on what should should be a smooth read. I do wonder at capitalising some words within the body of the poem but a good first try.

maybe he used the wrong animal as a title

However the text is provocative, TK U MLJ LV NV

I agree with UYS, a good first effort. The animal in us when it comes to sexuality is a common theme and your imagery conveys it well. I also agree some of the meter feels forced, eg, L6, "To capture the musk your body puts out" sounds better to my ear, which reminds of another point: musk is a scent, so musky scent is redundant.

A helpful exercise is to go through your poem and pare it down. As you do, ask yourself has the meaning changed? Or is something else lost that I want to keep in the poem for whatever intention? Try to be clear in your own mind what that intention is. In the end, your poem will probably be the better for it.

I'm also not a big fan of inverted syntax. "My attack, you are helpless to defend" seems written that way only to maintain the rhyme and sounds clunky to me for that reason.

Good luck with your writing. Consider participating in Performance Feedback & Discussion. No one over there bites, and you might be surprised how your writing may evolve because of it.

thank all for your thoughts.