Fire

What was that?

Nothing here made a lick of sense. Just really bad writing. Good thing you aren't trying to make money.

Really??

Agreed. What was this? It wasn't even a scene. Just some rambling nonsense. She will leave? Then he does? Nothing made any sense. 1 for whatever this is.

WTF

I can certainly believe your disclaimer - no sane person would ever pay for this. I'm not sure if you're trying to be extremely clever ( if so , I give up, you lost me ) or you're a really, really poor writer - the latter I think. Please don't write a sequel. 1 *

What an idiotic crap!!! MINUS 5*!!!

Are you thinking you are a literary or what??? Thats literotica "loving wive" and not a poetry reading!!!

Not a story

Next time make it a story before you post

TOO MANY MISSING SUPPOSITIONS

as to WTF really happened, TK U MLJ LV NV

Very minimalist

Requires a lot of reader participation - quite challenging - quite intimidating - strong style, but you're gonna catch a lot of flack from most. I like it. Hope you have more. Thanks *****

What????

I've it twice and have no idea what I read! I assume his wife cheated, but maybe she an abortion, maybe killed someone, maybe she refused to go to company dinner and lost him his job. No telling!

I have two reactions to this story...

My first was that this was a terrific first effort, as you managed to relate so much psychological impact in to so comparatively few words.

My second reaction, which happened right after reading the story and the first two comments form "annony" was, well, I kind of agree with some of what they said too.
There is such a thing as a great economy of words, but then there is also such a thing as leaving out too much of the story's details to really make a complete picture.

That, in the end is what this story is, it is both a complete picture of the decisive elements of the story psychologically, but it is also the barest bones of a story...it is a skeleton, perhaps even only a partial skeleton, but it moves and tells a story, despite the incompleteness of the shapes and the balkiness of the motions caused by the lack of flesh, sinew, muscle, and smooth skin to cover those bones.

So, in the end I'm of two minds...this story is both good and bad, in differing ways at the same time. I gave you 5* for the effort - and to balance out the too-low, IMO 1*s.

I did particularly enjoy how you teased the true meaning of "You're going to leave" from what could have been at first a forlorn questioning cry of anticipated loss to the declarative "You'll leave" fully translated into a "get the fuck out of here" command imperative at the end. Nicely done there.

Just using words well

without a story or even an outline is not being an author, sorry

food for thought

strange but provoking thought for sure ------nice start continue it, i gave you a 5 ---i see potential

Disclaimer: I make no money from this.

NO SHIT SHERLOCK

seems to need finished

?

have no idea

Thanks for the feedback

The good and the bad, both are appreciated. This was a sort of epilogue to a lot of LW stories.

I like reader participation. While I will flesh out my stories more, there will always be that little something, that little detail that the characters will allude to, that wouldn't be there in the story.

To the flamers though, realize that writing bad stories is a part of growing as a writer. Rome wasn't built in a single day. I appreciate you giving me feedback anyways.

"This was a sort of epilogue to a lot of LW stories. "

Cite three.

I don't think it needs a ending...

I don't think it needs a ending...This was the end. It needs the beginning, the how they got here, to know "where her true loyalties lie". Even if it's a little dense, I think it's a good beginning...3*

This was good, 5* writing

Of course, this is only an extract from a much long story.

You might choose to share the rest of it with us, which would be great as I want to learn more about them and their friends.

Maybe this will become one of those stories with multiple other authors adding their idea as to the beginning, the middle and the end of this story.

That'd be great, too.

And please do continue writing, you have a good style.

missing an ending

and a beginning. and everything else.

??????????????????????????????????

What the hell??????????????????????????????????????????????

Your story made a question pop in my head.

Why is it ok to get a divorce because you're not in love but somehow adultery justifies murder?

I mean, are we living in some shit stained town under Sharia Law? Did the Muslims take over and groom our underaged daughters for sex while stoning any woman caught without her husband?

The fuck is wrong with you?

Flash Stories

need to give readers enough to feel part of the scene or at least understand what they are viewing from a great distance--even if the images are blurry.

Bravo!

This was an excellent flash. Well done. But it requires a functioning brain cell. Too many trolls in LW lack that essential quality.

WTF this story went no where

Drag her into court ???? Not enough information even given to justify or clarify any outcome . What the fuck did she do and why court. Usually the guy gets fucked or a 50 ; 50 split. Just enough info to regret reading this in the first place. Had the potential to be a great story

ladies and gentlemen of america

look in the mirror and yoy see dumbies first class.

What?

I'm afraid I have to agree to some extent with the anonymous trolls!

You seem to be trying to write something clever and sophisticated and literary, but I'm afraid I really have very little idea what is going on here at all.

I think the issue may be that you have a story scenario in your head that you are trying to describe in a clever way. But because you know the story yourself, you are not aware that to somebody coming into it cold, it just makes no sense.

I would suggest writing something more straightforward to start with, without trying to write like a Man Booker prize winner.

Also, this is an erotic stories site. Now erotic, of course, does not mean that you have to have lots of explicit sex in the story, but I really can't see much eroticism at all in this story. Sorry but only two stars. Now you can be rude about my story if you like :)

By the way, in case you are not aware, it is possible to moderate (ie delete) some of the sillier comments through your control panel thing if you want to.

Stories are supposed to be entertaining,this wasn't.

Fascinating

But it could use a bit of connectivity to reality.

What did I just read?

I have no idea. It appears to be missing any explanation or semblance of a plot.

As to why it's in LW which is extra marital fun escapes me. 1*

Not really a story

Since the reader is left out of the joke so to speak,in that all we know is the husband is pissed ,the wife did something bad and that is it.So what? It isn't clever,it reminds me of the rant Lion Twain gives about bad detective fiction...that the author hides everything being 'clever'

And?

And - wtf? Write a story, yes I know you don't make any money at this but, if you have a tale to tell, do it.

Thanks for the effort

Trying to be M Night Shamayalan?

The only thing I can get from this is that you expect the LW genre to fill in the blanks about a standard cheater marriage, but only included one clue and forgot reveal that everyone is indeed dead. The tags do it, but not really.

She sleeps her way up the good chain, her rich lover made her openly cuck him, he alienated himself from his two kids because he doesn't have the banks to get a divorce because the courts suck. He can't burn/kill her and because she won't go away, he burns/suicides in his own flame.

Bruce "Jake" Wilis east your heart out, amirite?

????????????

Just dumb

Nice start.

You've described the emotions but not what is going on. I don't think anyone will get it, I.e. understand. We need a little background to have any feelings or response to the characters. There is no fire , hell there is no smoke, just nothing. Even this short comment has more feeling. I like to encourage new writers to continue developing their talent and style. Good new writers are few and far between. Your descriptions are good, your on the right tract. Now give us the back story ! Why should we care about these people? Write the next chapter!

Pathetic crap

You drop us in the middle of a story with no beginning or end. If you're trying to be cute, you've failed.

I like it.

This is a short story. It's a moment. Could it be longer? Yeah, but it doesn't need to be. I can create my own back story from this. I don't need to change anything. I don't get mad at anything. It's what a short story should be.

He has people wanting more.

Good job.

Write some more stories, MSM

You're good at this, and you'll keep getting better. You're a writer. Don't stop.

What the hell was that about?

I mean, made me interested in what she had done, how much he had loved her, how she murdered that love. What hut where?

Was it?

No it wasn't much of a story. 2*

My 2 cents?....

...it's incomplete. Personally I don't see the point in putting out part of a story and basically expecting the reader to finish it for you. You say you make no money from this...I hope you weren't expecting that to change in the future if this is the kind of work you intend to produce. Most people don't consider reading fiction to be a DIY project.

Sorry, it sucked

Too much wrong to convey.

** This a tease, not a story

There is not enough here to call it a story. Perhaps a story idea.

Nutz

What a nut job....whacko!
1*

Bullshit

Pathetic meaningless story please do better next time

WHAT?

Have no clue what you were talking about....

She did something? He didn't want to talk about it! Now she must leave and not come back? because "I don't want to turn into you."

Like I said....WHAT? I just told the exact same story in about one and a half lines!

WTF???

Just WTF? Pure gibberish and a waste of a 2 minute read.

We Have Been MOONED!!!!!!!*

Please no more!!!!! LMBO

Ohhhh

You are so clever. Your like those idiots who take a bucket of paint and throw it at canvas and think they just made a masterpiece. Moron.

I Liked It!

There are some really nice turns of phrase here and I think it's written really well. Feel's like a fragment rather than a story in it's own right. Really good effort though.

Is This All You Have?

1star for an incomplete work.