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English
Marriage ready for attention
If the wife ready to cry, why didn't she decide to change?
Now that she sees all the pain she is causing , it's time to let him be first.
Maybe she needs to sit home while he is with daughter's family at events.
If she's not willing to change, she needs to leave.
I would like a second chapter.
Well
I'm not sure why this is in LW it certainly doesn't fit the category.
Perhaps it should have gone in non erotic.
But I do recognize the despair that underwrites it. A lot of marriages could be described this way. People have just given up in the face of an unresponsive partner.
Sad.
Most LW writers fantasize about sex involving the wife.
You fantasize about winning an argument with yours.
Oh, I'll give you the 5 stars for a well-presented story that really makes us think and comment. But it's clear that this story is one of those rant-rehearsals we sometimes get from long-suffering, self-pitying husbands who have given up on their relationship with the wife while conversely blaming her for giving up on him.
Let's be clear while assuming his entire rant is accurate: when a wife gets lazy in a marriage, she substitutes other people for her spouse--children, friends, etc. When a man gets lazy, he shuts down the relationship entirely by hiding his emotions, both good and bad. I'm sure she is guilty of checking out emotionally on the marriage, because you have let her. Too many of us guys are guilty of fantasizing about telling off our wives in a format where we get to use all our best zingers, instead of logging off the computer, walking into the other room and saying, "Can you think of anything fun we can do together? "
In short, by the time you are writing dramatic stories about your marriage, you have entered the blaming phase. That's only good for lawyers and story boards. You should do your best to hang onto the maintenance phase, downplay the problems so you both believe they are surmountable, work at becoming and staying engaged and make every day just a little bit more together than the day before.
Soon your fantasies will be back to including sex.
Well, No, Gordo
You say "People have just given up in the face of an unresponsive partner."
I suspect that a more accurate statement would be 'Two people have failed to do the work necessary to maintain a satisfying marital relationship.'
I think it was Reed Richards who said in one of his insightful stories something like "You don't have to work at love, it just happens. But you do have to work to keep a marriage successful."
Lue
Ok, that was fairly depressing
Based on truth for most part, but usually the failing is 50% each partner.
Like a ton of bricks...
In the middle of a divorce I didn't want, but might be best, this hit right home.
More than words
This story is so much more than just words, it tells the story of what happens to too many marriages. It hits close to home for me just like it evidently has for so many people. I hope there is more, but if not this short monologue certainly has got a lot of people thinking.
patillie, you are wrong, most marriages fail with more of the fault being placed on one spouse than the other. Seems the spouse at fault loves to keep spouting this falsehood that blame is 50-50 in a failing/failed marriage. More often than not one spouse gives up on putting the necessary effort into keeping the marriage health and happy.
Call me crazy
But I liked the story.. If you know me, you'd know that isn't often😜... Although short-- which I despise, it was powerful. It kept me wanting more, I'll tell you that. I would've loved to know/read more, like is she having an affair? did she just started taking him for granted? When/why did she start losing respect for him??-- What???? I've been married for over 9 years been with my hubby for 15 years, yes, I'll admit, I sometimes catch myself taking him for granted and I check myself--but I have NEVER EVER treated my baby as shitty as this wife is treating hers. I don't see any reason why he can't get the Christmas gift he longed for? All the bitch has to do is fix her fuck up and try to see if she can win back her hubbies love... She fuck'd them up, now it's her job to fix them. He sounded done to me, just over her and their shitty relationship, I don't blame him.
Wow, the reality of it all..
Face it, the wife for the first time in her life was shown a mirror. Could anyone after being exposed in a non-confrontational way recover from this destruction of being presented their own reality? For the wife, walking away and crying made utmost sense.
Does the author have a chapter 2? It would be wonderful to read. Time and distance for the wife would be great. See what she would do. (EXPERIENCE SPEAKING HERE) Not all people are comic book evil ones with out any form of redemption. I've had reformed in-laws and not reformed ex-inlaws.
Problem with this story is that it is not far from reality. Please continue.
He would rather whine than do something
Fuck him. It is easy enough to change his plight he just refuses to.
Excellent flash story!
Congrats on wonderful dark story. You pulled a great deal of emotion out of a flash story (always a challenge). As has been said in earlier comments, the story wasn't technically great but the feeling and emotional blast was exceptional!
I realize you intended the monologue (tag= diatribe) but I would've liked to have seen it played out in dialog. It helps break up the story a little and it gives the reader the chance to get a little insite into what each character is thinking.
While I agree with some that an ending with a little hope would've more palatable I suspect that wasn't your intent. People's feelings rarely change quickly. She simply realized he was right, she couldn't give him what he wanted, sad but very realistic.
That begs the real question... where do they go from here?
A simple closing sentence would give the reader a little more clarity (if you so choose to)
"...she could get him for Christmas."
She sat back and softly cried, knowing her dying marriage's days were numbered.
-or-
She quietly sighed and brushed her tears away, resolved to survive another day in a dead marriage.
Just some thoughts. Thanks again for the story!
Killian
First Rate Job of Writing the Plight of a Self-Punishing Quisling ?
Theffort ir kids are gone and seem to be self-supporting with their own offspring ? Congrats, their marriage has done better then most. I don't want to blame anyone. In point of fact , I went through that solitary feeling while in a relationship. But I did it for my kid and would do it again because it established the paternal bond . But why endure that purgatory for any other reason.
If the narrator walks his talk , has kept in reasonable physical trim and has a bonafide career , he'll be a commodity on the singles market. Sane, sensitive and successful women over 4 decades of age are to be prized but it's been my experience that their male counterparts are even in scarcer reserve .
So his wife is treating him badly ? Well maybe she'll be the one to trade up after vows are dissolved. I , however, wouldn't wager on that speculation based on my macroeconomic course and rudimentary knowledge of Adam Smith and principles of supply and demand.
I'm reminded of Grace Slick of Jefferson Starship who in a self assessment of her vocal abilities said " I can sing only two notes, but I can sing them very loud ". What exactly is DOMann's range ? We look forward to finding out. I thank the author for a very provocative story, while simultaneously agreeing that this effort left out plot angles due to its concentrated brevity.
Come On Over And Visit!
If you think this story was written just for you, come on over and let's talk about things. Because most of us either currently do feel this way, or have felt this way in the past.
https://www.reddit.com/r/DeadBedrooms/new/
dumb
OK, he's gotten it all off his chest; and she realizes he's right. But to just leave it *there*, with no resolution whatsoever makes this a miserable & thoroughly unenjoyable story. It makes most readers go "and ...." and then "that's *IT*?!". I don't know how the story category is set but this does *NOT* belong in "Loving Wives". She is not loving in any way, shape, or form. But then neither is he so maybe they deserve one another. The story category for this should be "non-erotic" (if anything) as there is absolutely *nothing* erotic about this neurotic diatribe & drivel.
My goodness . . .
. .. honesty is abound. This could be a great introductory chapter, prologue if you will. How did we get here? How do we fix things in our marriage? Is there a future better than past, or worse?
As vignette the story falls a little short for my tastes. There is no indication there will be more. Well written but a little lacking.
Not realistic
No woman would let him talk this much without interruption. He would never finish his diatribe.
Maybe the beginning of the end, and an opportunity to start over.
"because she realized that for once he was right and there was nothing she could get him for Christmas."
Sounds like she's owning his assessment of their moribund relationship. A good ending point, but not necessarily the end. But that's another story.
A moderately interesting diatribe, obviously too little too late, from a man who has given up without much struggle, protest, or confrontation. He wouldn't have even said this much if she had not insisted. ""Doesn't really matter anymore, so there's no reason to even really ask the question." He tried to let the matter go, but she wouldn't let him, pressing him for an answer."
Timid passive men should not marry strong dominant women, unless they actually want whatever gets dolled out to them. He got from this relationship what he was willing to settle for, rather than what he might have gotten if he had asserted his desires, confronted her disdain, and had earned her respect. He's pathetic, and she's miserable living with a pathetic man. Its her own fault too. She should have married someone stronger, more challenging, someone who would inspire her to work harder. She probably hooked up with the first sucker who had decent economic prospects and kissed her ass the way she liked it.
A well crafted but sad window into a pointless unloving marriage. Merry Christmas.
Poignant
Pithy clearly written with an economic style. Struck & White would have been pleased as have I
Naughty or not nice.
He has no reason to check his list twice. *~*,
Alternative ending
Somehow I was expecting that in the last paragraph that the wife would respond with "Screw you! you're always whining about something you lousy wimp"
I stand corrected
Mr. Bum.
Thank you so much for that erudite bit of prose. Thank God you are around to tell all us "Goddamned dimwitted stupid" people what to think. How lucky are we that you are willing to bless us base mortals with your wit and wisdom? There’s nothing like a good cursing to clear the cobwebs out of our, seldom-used, minds. If only we had been able to consult you, beforehand, oh wise one, we could have saved ourselves the embarrassment of not recognizing a “GREAT MASTERPIECE.” Now that you have properly berated us, we repent, of course, in sackcloth and ashes, and are now ready to acknowledge the clear genius of a stilted, onc-sided, whiney monologue. Homer and Shakespeare would, clearly, have been envious. The scales have fallen from our eyes and we now bask in the sunshine of your perspicacity.
A Christmas Masterpiece
I think this is a masterpiece. The ending makes it a masterpiece. To lighten the ending would cheapen the story.
The author should place this story on every marriage forum he can find. It reflects the state of many marriages. As Thoreau said, "The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation. What is called resignation is confirmed desperation."
Dam!
He should have asked for a divorce. What a miserably way to live.
Exatly
I have read this story ten times or more.
You have said what is in my life.
I wish you a Merry Christmas.
Good luck in the coming year.
Comment section
I see a lot of projection in the comments.
It's often said that we write what we know. Our comments often reflect that as well; we see our own motivations as the motivations of others, because what our mind thinks is what we think everyone thinks.
Experience often shows things differently, but cognitive dissonance is a thing for a reason.
"It's usually 50/50 on blame" really means "I want to stay friends with the guilty party". It's almost never 50/50. It's just also never 100/0.
"You called me stupid let me respond sarcastically." is really "I didn't like the story and I responded with something pithy and stupid, and someone called me out on it."
"You're a bitter weak cuck." is really "I'm a bitter weak cuck, and everyone is just like me."
I try not to comment on comments, because to me, the comments here are intended for the author to try and provide constructive criticism. I liked this story. It's completely unrealistic, the male lead has what is almost certainly a distorted perspective just as the female lead does, but both perspectives show and I think that's part of the power of the story; recognizing that they've grown so far apart in their differing perspectives on the reality of their marriage.
The ending, in my mind, is perfect. She realizes that she can't change to be who he wants, perhaps because his perspective on who she was isn't accurate, or perhaps because she's grown like all people do, or perhaps because in self-reflection she realizes that his description of her is who she really is.
Being able to insert our own perspectives into these characters gives them a life that they wouldn't have otherwise, and that lack of a sense of closure ties you to the way the characters feel. Every time I look through this short piece I'm more impressed.
The story does have a flavor of wish fulfillment in it. We all know this conversation would never happen; no one who was really as the female lead is described would really tolerate the male lead's statements as unchallenged as this story says. I do think this might have gone better as a letter. People do write letters when they feel they need to say something but know they'll never get to say it if they try to do so in a conversation. (Some of you might try it, and some therapy to boot).
I still find the story depressive and the likelyhood of the male lead to commit suicide to be pretty high, particularly as it alludes to heading into a holiday season, where suicide (which is statistically a very male issue) tends to increase dramatically. And to me, it feels like the right closure to this story for both characters; his inevitable surrender to his long-term depression and her long-term neglect, her continued discovery to the conclusion to her marriage as she accepts that its easier for her to do nothing or that she can't change to who he wants her to be, and the despair that follows from that failure.
The female lead's emotions at the end of this story indicate she can't be as the male lead describes her; she cares that he's so hurt. It's just obvious she's given up without even trying to fix anything. Thus, my conclusion about the course of this story. Take it for what you will, or don't.
Well done
I admit that I also wonder how in the world she could have asked him this question.
Does she really what to give him something? Of course, there is another story here.
****
deserving a sequel.
Wow....
Wow. Just simply wow!
Merry Christmas!
CATEGORY
Shouldn't this be NON-EROTIC?
On Target
This essay was without question, one of the best I've ever read about marital relationships. I very clearly felt the pain and despair the writer conveyed in his prose. Or, was it prose? You can't make this stuff up. Regardless of where it came from, I thought the entire piece was superb.
Puzzled
If she's so sad, why isn't she planning on doing something to change?
And what's wrong with his daughter and son-in-law that they take his wife to the movies and leave the kids with him without even talking to him?
Indeed Mr Brooks
You say "If she's so sad, why isn't she planning on doing something to change?"
Equally, it could be said 'If he's so sad, why isn't he planning on doing something to change?'
When two people are as trapped as DOMann shows this couple to be, it takes either a shock to the routines they have developed between them or an agreement that they need to obtain competent outside assistance. Neither is in a position to solve their situation while each says that the problem is with the other spouse.
But I gave the story five stars as an excellent representation of how far a marriage relationship can degenerate.
Lue
WOW
I as many others male and female will take a look at ourselves after reading this, a lot of us will be in this kind of relationship others will be happy with what they have, what I or others think will make no difference, what I do love about this story is Short, and Straight to the Point, nothing more to be said but a GREAT STORY keep up the great work.
It was okay but I don't quite share everyone's enthusiasm.
I would have liked a few examples of her neglect and a little from her to give us a clue as to why she backed out of the marriage. I little more meat on the bones of a dead marriage.
Who would have thought!
I would never have thought that this tale would have generated so much talk. Like it, hate it, or somewhere in between, this seems to have really struck a chord. Perhaps for some of you it hit closer to home than you might want to admit. I love reading all your comments. If the votes are like payment, then the comments are like a bonus and I look forward to them whenever I submit a story here. I never delete them even if they tell me that what I wrote is trash. The comments reveal that in some regards I failed to give the full context of the problem. First, let me say that while a few of the things that the husband said has come from my own marriage, by no means have all of them. Also, My marriage is nowhere near the problematic relationship that these have. Still, most go through a time when they feel detached from those around them. In the case of these characters, it seems that I didn't get across some things that had transpired between them. One commenter said that the husband is a whiny wimp unwilling to do anything to save his marriage. But in his mind, he has done everything possible to warm things up and failed and thus has finally given up. He still loves her or he wouldn't want things to be the way they were. Nor does he say that she doesn't love him The fact that she wants to know what he wants for Christmas says that she does. As for whether there is hope for them, the fact that she cries in the end gives some indication that there might be some hope. As this was an entry for the winter contest, it had to be a complete story on its own. There is enough interest in what might have happened after this, however, that after proper consideration, I have decided to write a sequel although it means a delay in other projects. I hope to have it done in time. Look for "A Husband for Valentine's Day" soon. Thanks for reading and keep voting and commenting. D.O. Mann.
sorry who cares why she backed out the marriage, she did
5* but I am very sorry for the poor husband in this story being nothing more than a paycheck for her lifestyle whatever it may be
wow...
this is my life - really. I could not have described it more perfectly. However unlike "him" I am going to be on my own within the next year once our mutual debt is paid off. Then i am off to sunnier climes (literally as well as figuratively).
@domann1959
I enjoyed this story and even things not said. This captured a husband thinking he had given his all, but it was not given back to him. This is a man who raised his children, and tried to do the right thing. However, he remembers what the marriage once was, and now where it is. They were so caught up in life, and lost each other, but just kept going. I think the wife realizes that she lost what she with him, and doesn't know how to get back. They probably talked, but not really deep communication. As you said this hit home for many people, and I can really feel this story.
Great writing! This story is deeper when you think on it. I did enjoy it, and thank you for writing.
Required Reading For Females 1A
And, to be fair. An equivalent opposite.
Required Reading For Males 1A
Could be the basis of pre-marital counseling...!
AND...periodic brush-ups for married couples!
90+ comments? I have only seen one other story with that many!
That was a grand slam story
After the love wears off and real life settles in this sure happens to to many of us. We become fixed in a sad way we deal with each other. Taking each other for granted, nagging, pushing, never happy with each other , we just get old and life takes too many of us down.
A sad indictment of so many marriages
Well written and thought provoking. It seems that the author is retelling his personal experience. I hope he found a way to escape his torment and depression. After 15 years of happy marriage my wife turned on me making my life miserable. For four years we lived seperate lives under the same roof as love turned to hate. I never understood why she changed, she refused to tell me. After two attempts at marriage counselling I left her taking my son with me because he was subjected to the same abuse from his mother. We divorced and fought over the financial settlement which she won (she's just off to the Seychelles for her annual holiday)
I'm okay, I quickly found someone else. A lovely woman who has restored my faith in marriage. And I have my son with me who means everything. We are a family again and I'm happy once more. My ex-wife counts her cash as her hate still simmers.
What happened to my comment?
What the f**k I left a detailed sympathetic comment which was deleted????
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