- All
Comments (5) - Add a
Comment - Send
Feedback Send private anonymous feedback to the author (click here to post a public comment instead).
| Literotica Toy Store ADULT TOY & DVD STORE FAST & DISCREET |
Literotica XXX Webcams 24/7 LIVE CAMS - FREE PREVIEW W/AUDIO! |
Literotica Adult Movies STREAMING ADULT MOVIES PAY PER MINUTE |
English
the boarder Ch. 01
This means nothing and is no where near being ready for publishing.
I hope you find an editor. Falling back on spellcheck won't work. YOU have to read each and every word and know the difference between than and then.
Green hair--red hair? No, I don't think the Deer is running.
not a story
You needed to have some sort of sexual contact to give at least a preview. If you are going to drag it out make it at least 2 pages
Promising but lacking
I like your style and subject a lot but I don't think it is a good idea to publish something like that without at least some sex in it. To be bluntly honest with you, I was jerking off to this but it's way too short to flame my kinks enough and it's quite cruel to leave a guy with blue balls... publish more next time. I will definitively verify the lenght before next time! (but I do hope you continue)
Good, But...
...too short!
Get an editor
Could not read because of spelling and grammar typos
Click here to leave your own comment on this submission! or
Back to The Boarder Ch. 01 or
More submissions by MCLS.