rebekkafl, I don't usually venture into Erotic Couplings, but your story caught my eye. You've written a sexy little story that could be a teaser for more. (I suspect she would be quite submissive once the clothes come off.)
Putting on my editor hat, I suggest toning down use of ~ in favor of more conventional punctuation. Also, your dialogue is somewhat stiff. Most people don't speak in complete sentences, especially when excited or aroused. Let your characters' emotions show in their words.
Thanks for sharing your story, and I hope you have many more stories to write.
It was a great read. Hope there is more to follow!
by
Anonymous11/30/16
What a beginning! How warm that made me feel. It's not just for first-time get-togethers, but for married couples when one returns home after an absence. I look for more on this couples' relationship.
English
rebekkafl, I don't usually venture into Erotic Couplings, but your story caught my eye. You've written a sexy little story that could be a teaser for more. (I suspect she would be quite submissive once the clothes come off.)
Putting on my editor hat, I suggest toning down use of ~ in favor of more conventional punctuation. Also, your dialogue is somewhat stiff. Most people don't speak in complete sentences, especially when excited or aroused. Let your characters' emotions show in their words.
Thanks for sharing your story, and I hope you have many more stories to write.
Reminds Me of something I did once
It was a great read. Hope there is more to follow!
What a beginning! How warm that made me feel. It's not just for first-time get-togethers, but for married couples when one returns home after an absence. I look for more on this couples' relationship.
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