Well written, albeit for a few spelling errors. The scene was very well described, and the sex as if it happened yesterday. One would almost think it happened just as written. Maybe it was true?
by
Anonymous12/03/16
it was going so well until you started in with the pat and dry slang words like "pussy" "cum" "tits" "clit"...not only do they sound juvenile, they're just...too easy! First rule of writing, show, don't tell. Anybody can type "pussy" but it feels like it has no personal meaning for you, so the whole thing gets flat when you whip that out. I liked the plot though. Until the sex started it was going well, and the sex itself wasn't bad, just the well, don't suffer but...kind of trite language used to tell us about it.
by
Anonymous12/27/16
I was 18 when I went to a xmas meal at work and stayed overnight in the hotel. My boss was a really sexy man in his sixties and I was delighted when he came to see if I was ok. I dont know what came over me but I kissed him. He kissed me back and rubbed my breasts. Eventually he bared my young firm tits and started sucking on my nipples. I could feel a throbbing between my legs and when he put his hand there I was in heaven. He showed me his cock. I was a virgin and had never seen a naked man before. He told me to touch him and feel how hard his cock was. I loved his balls and knelt down to lick them. He put his cock to my lips and I sucked him in. He lay me down and opened my legs. He said he loved my soft downy hairy and licked my clit. Then he put a condom on and placed his cock at my virgin pussy. He was gentle but he had to push hard to pop my cherry. I worked for him for six years and regularly worked late where he would bend me over the desk and fuck me hard. My first cock and the best cock I ever had.
English
Read like it really happened!
Well written, albeit for a few spelling errors. The scene was very well described, and the sex as if it happened yesterday. One would almost think it happened just as written. Maybe it was true?
it was going so well until you started in with the pat and dry slang words like "pussy" "cum" "tits" "clit"...not only do they sound juvenile, they're just...too easy! First rule of writing, show, don't tell. Anybody can type "pussy" but it feels like it has no personal meaning for you, so the whole thing gets flat when you whip that out. I liked the plot though. Until the sex started it was going well, and the sex itself wasn't bad, just the well, don't suffer but...kind of trite language used to tell us about it.
I was 18 when I went to a xmas meal at work and stayed overnight in the hotel. My boss was a really sexy man in his sixties and I was delighted when he came to see if I was ok. I dont know what came over me but I kissed him. He kissed me back and rubbed my breasts. Eventually he bared my young firm tits and started sucking on my nipples. I could feel a throbbing between my legs and when he put his hand there I was in heaven. He showed me his cock. I was a virgin and had never seen a naked man before. He told me to touch him and feel how hard his cock was. I loved his balls and knelt down to lick them. He put his cock to my lips and I sucked him in. He lay me down and opened my legs. He said he loved my soft downy hairy and licked my clit. Then he put a condom on and placed his cock at my virgin pussy. He was gentle but he had to push hard to pop my cherry. I worked for him for six years and regularly worked late where he would bend me over the desk and fuck me hard. My first cock and the best cock I ever had.
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